Coming out!

[Lincolnguy]

Hey guys, just been thinking about the stigma of hiv .... and asking myself the question 'why am I keeping it discreetly to myself??' Should I be open with friends and family and even post it up on relevant apps... surely the more open we are the less stigma??! So why am I hesitant??! Anyone else had any experiences or opinions on the matter??

[Jamesi87]

I guess it's really like, comeing out again. We all know thT felling when we are comeing out gay. Who is going to except it. So I think we are like that again. I regret telling a lot of my friends now. As I have lost a few.in so many months of telling them. Clearly weren't true friends. But hopefully you should get a better reponse from yours.

[Lincolnguy in reply to Jamesi87]

Hey thanks James, And sorry you had a bad experience with it, I'm still undecided tbh - part of me thinks don't do it and the other part thinks, do it!!

[Jamesi87 in reply to Lincolnguy]

Yeah I think if you feel comfortable enough. It's just one of those' things my family's okay about it x

[Lincolnguy in reply to Jamesi87]

Funny enough I'm not sure I'd want to tell my family, my mum would worry herself sick!!

[Jamesi87 in reply to Lincolnguy]

Yeah my nana was like that just nobody's educated on the issue x

[Mindset-change]

I agree with you, hence I am building up my resistance to rejection so I can just disclose with pride that Im inormed and stronger. We have nothing to be ashamed of. What I have found is that people who don't have HIV have just as much responsibility as we have to knowing about this illness. So, I decided to no long feel ashamed for someone else's ignorance. It's just too much of a heavy burden to my long and healty life.

[Lincolnguy in reply to Mindset-change]

Well said !!!

[GreyArea]

I've been + positive for 7 years and I've grappled with it. I wondered if I should make a grand gesture and come out. I thought that was something I always wanted to do, but that always seemed like a point of no return with s whole world or stigma & judgement that is still not prepared for. Only recently, I've been able to tell a few friends.

It doesn't matter who you tell or not because it's your business. Just remember about disclosing to your partners.

[Lincolnguy in reply to GreyArea]

Thank you GreyArea

[Chrissuffolk]

Just remember that once it's out it can't go back in... I'm fully out, work, family, apps. I didn't tell my Nan as I thought she'd worry too much and my family have been great with not telling her.

Dating wise it's a huge benefit to have it listed as more people approach you who are poz and not out and it screens out those who won't accept it before you waste time - I let guys message me first. A well written profile will work.... you'll get loons who want pozzing though be warned!

I'd say so long as you are comfortable with it yourself then do it. Do you need anyone in your life who wouldn't accept it? Be strong!

Message any time.

Chris

[Lincolnguy in reply to Chrissuffolk]

Hey thank you Chris!

[Lincolnguy in reply to Chrissuffolk]

Ps I've had my share of chasers, it was an eye opener! Unbelievable!!

[Chrissuffolk]

Ps I was outed at work by someone who saw my status on my Gaydar profile. I was horrified when my staff (I'm a manager) started coming to me and telling me. I was humbled by how lovely they were though, almost all of them came and gave me a big hug. Plenty of tears lol...

[Lincolnguy in reply to Chrissuffolk]

Bless them!! They are the important ones!!!

I'm really starting to feel the need to come out, there is no going back I know but I'm hoping it will be a relief - and why should I support this stigma? I'm the victim of a virus after all... I'll know when it's right for me...

[Hidden]

I told everyone close to me, and like with my sexuality, I they don't like it and can't respect it.... Do one!

No time for anyone who wants me to respect and accept them completely if they can't give it back.

However, that's not to say that some needed a little time to "deal with it " ( anyone would think it was their diagnosis) and we were able to keep our relationship.

[Lincolnguy in reply to Hidden]

Thanks lilchimp - yea think the time is right for me now 😀

[Hidden in reply to Lincolnguy]

Just be ready for varied reactions. You would be amazed at some of the reactions I got !

Have some leaflets or websites you can direct people who you want to tell towards.

Be prepared for people to accept it in their way... My best mate of 30 years initially set aside a "special" mug for my tea when I visited. I didn't challenge her straight away as I knew she was shocked, uneducated , but after explaining it and calling her out on it, that special mug found itself in her bin.

I found that part of disclosing included being a teacher.

Best of luck to you and I hope you find yourself loved more than ever

[Lincolnguy in reply to Hidden]

Really good advice, thanks so much 😘

[Mindset-change in reply to Hidden]

I've found what you say to be extremely true; people tend to act as though it's their diagnosis. That reaction never gets old. But I've realised that people do this in regards to many things.

My status has made me into a much better and stronger person. I feel like I can't disrespect my journey by beating myself up about people who leave. People can leave for many reasons so why put the blame on my HIV?

[Lincolnguy in reply to Mindset-change]

You're right! As you know I'm three years in and as such think I am only just having my own mindset change.

Acceptance is the key I think, and also accepting that HIV doesn't define you.... it's only part of my life.

Thanks for the comments 😘

[George147]

I don't publicise it but do tell guys before or when I meet then but all my friends know

[Lincolnguy]

Putting my pic up is the first step!!! 😀