Need help in coping this kind of virus

[Mark04231990]

Hi Everyone, I was diagnosed last December 2015. MY CD4 that time was 395, so thats why I decided to take my medication right away. I'm taking ATRIPLA. 

As time goes by, I get depress for what happened to me. I don't know if Im going to live a longer life. I still don't want to die for I'm still supporting my parents. 

Right now, I'm always taking my meds every night. And I don't know when it will end. I'm still 26 years old. I still have lots of dream in life. 

Hope anyone can give me some tips on how to cope this kind of virus. It makes me feel ill especially when I am alone.

Thank you.

[yperoxos]

They say that by 2020 they will have a once-a-month injection available and/or more effective drugs, and by the time you'll be forty, HIV will be a thing of the past - there will be a cure. 

Don't depress, you are far better than most of us, you are young and strong - honestly, you couldn't have picked a better moment to get it. 

See this as a brilliant opportunity to re-evaluate life (relationships, goals etc.) and live more substantially than before!

[Mark04231990 in reply to yperoxos]

Hopefully it will happen. It makes me feel ill thinking my status. To tell you honestly, I am not sexually active. I really don't know why this happened to me. Is it my fate? Or it happens for a reason?...

[yperoxos in reply to Mark04231990]

My opinion is, that it is accidental; there is no master mind behind it. As humans, we tend to think that there is always a reason when something happens to us, but I doubt it's true. 

What have I done to deserve this? What have You done? 

People come and go with all sorts of bad things happening to them every minute. Being humans however, we understand that there is no bad without a good side, so use your new perspective and create a more substantial life.

I found out 2 months ago, I was 180 cd4. I am now more than a month on treatment and only just began thinking about sex again. Thankfully, masturbation (I've read) does not influence cd4 count. Play with someone else however, I don't see it anytime soon. 

I still have to find my pace..

[saveme in reply to Mark04231990]

Hi Mark! I am same age as you. Also I got herpes/Warts from my second BF. My first sex was in my 22. I thought there is no God to help us and judge good or bad. But there is nothing impossible for God. Lets ask and pray for his miracle and grace. there must be an answer

Even I don't have a babe

[bad-monkey]

I was diagnosed Oct of 2015.  I understand the depression.  I was cd4 of 64.  I am now up to 364.  With the new meds and discoveries happening all the time this is not a big issue.  I accept that I might have to take meds for the rest of my life.  But I am looking at it like I would if I had heart issue or HBP and had to take meds for those.  Stay strong.  I have been asexual for awhile.  I want to date but I want to make sure I am not going to infect anyone else before I do.  

[Mark04231990 in reply to bad-monkey]

One of the reasons why its hard for me to cope this kind of virus, its because of stigma. I'm afraid that if people will know my status, they're going to hate me. 

[yperoxos in reply to Mark04231990]

Don't rush with telling. There is no real practical benefit anyway. If they love you, you'll give them one more thing to worry about. We are here to help each other and when the time is right, "revealing" is a wonderful test tool to know the true feelings of the other.

[bad-monkey]

I am not worried about them hating me.  I just do not want to accidentally infect anyone else.  

[Dwayne in reply to bad-monkey]

I found it was sooooo IMPORTANT to get involved in my community, find allies and just be honesty about your status...I have found that the first step in discussing it with someone you trust to be helpful.  Plus if you use dating/cruising sites like (Adam 4 Adam or Grindr) it allows you to post in your profile that your poz.  This has help me tremendously with opening up a conversation with other men and some of them are also poz but are afraid to be honest on their profiles.  I don't try to judge but help to educate and reassure that being honest about their status is more helpful and used as a tool to assist with fighting fear

[Survivor83]

Hey Mark, sorry about your diagnosis. 

  In the early days of the disease some of us who were infected and learning to deal with the depression and hopelessness of the situation began calling the disease the "Gift" because it made us reconsider what was truly important to us during our last days. There were no treatments back then and any infection no matter how small heralded the final bell. Even after all these years and the advancement of treatment options, it is still a heavy burden to carry and the although the the weight gets lighter with time we are still confronted daily with the reality of our mortality. Take advantage of that knowledge and try to make life better for the people in your life. For me family has been vital and I am constantly informing them of new treatments so they can put the fear of my passing aside and just enjoy our relationship without pity or fear. Keep your head up and live to the fullest one day at a time. 

[Dino81]

I am really sorry to hear of your diagnosis and can totally empathise with your situation.  I was diagnosed Oct 2014 and am dealing with it ok.  I get depressed sometimes when thinking of mortality but ultimately I see this as a wake up call for me to get off my arse and do the things that I want to do. I have just returned from Barcelona and been to Cyprus. Two holidays this year and it is only April.  Lucky me!!  I am very lucky also to have got the virus when I have as the treatments are way better than they were and are getting better.  I am confident that there will be a cure in my lifetime and this will just be one of those things that I had to learn from.  Sex is another thing though I am totally abstinent from sex at the moment.  struggle with thte whole idea of it; disclosure, possible infection etc etc.  I am however working on this and meeting guys off the internet where I can disclose straight away on my profile so I don't have to have the awkward conversation and th guys I have met have been so cool with it it has shocked me.  granted I have only met two guys so far and both were cool with no sex and just chat for now and get to know someone.  I mean maybe that's another lesson that jumping straight into the sack with someone is not the best or healthiest way to go about things.  I know that some of the best sex I have had has been with people I know personally before getting intimate with them.  anyway I am aware I might be rambling.  I hope this helps with how you feel you are not alone!!

Dino 

[wizard43830 in reply to Dino81]

Your not rambling!