Why don't people ever really talk about how dangerous it is to expose your status.

[BlkDmd]

The last and first time that I exposed my HIV status was in Oct. 2013 and as a result I was looked down on and cast out by many family members and so called friends. I was to the point where I actually attempted suicide and was so close to succeeding. I have seeked counseling and always left feeling like I was being studied vs actually receiving help. I do sometimes have very strong desires to end my own life to avoid all of the pain and I've even developed a plan on how I would do it. I'm not looking for sympathy, I just want to know a different way of looking at my new "normal," life. I read a lot about HIV and there is so many bad things that infected people can/will endure while fighting a disease that always wins. I feel so lost and alone in this. I've even tried group therapy and I was always the only person to attend week after week. This disease is a lot worse than people make it seem. Someone, please tell me their insight on this and I hope that it may cause me to think differently. I don't want to end my own life but in many ways I feel like it has already ended and the days I spend here now is only to torture me until I die from complications of AIDS. I really feel like giving up most of the time and I don't know how to fix that. I am open to anyone's opinion. I am listening

[Hidden]

HIV isn't the death sentence it was considered to be 30 years ago. If you take meds or need to start then your life expectancy is the same as a hiv neg person- this means that you're very unlikely to get AIDS. Have you looked at the Terrence Higgins website? A lot of useful and sensible info on there.

I was depressed and lonely when I was diagnosed but I've learnt coping mechanisms.

Telling people is still difficult and have decided not to talk about it with friends/family as they don't know what to say or how to support me.

I wish you well in finding your way through. I hope you get lots of support from folk on this site and from your counselling/groups x

[BlkDmd in reply to Hidden]

I appreciate you taking the time to respond, nonetheless, you don't point out how society has this attitude towards positive people that makes it feel very much so like a death sentence. You are cast out, people rarely find meaningful relationships, because most people are afraid that you will infect them. Or the fact that even though medicines have advanced, the odds of us living that long is not as common as people still pass away because the meds didn't work so well. They only tell half of what is really happening. And the fact that it can be very difficult to get medicine with insurances through your employer. I got insurance through my job and was immediately cut off meds because I couldn't afford them, but meds were free and very easy to access when I was uninsured and unemployed. No one ever seems to address these issues. Or the many infections and difficult stages that you will endure while your live with this disease. It almost feels like the medicine only extends the amount of time that you will suffer from this monster of a disease. The things you say are not completely accurate. I have done a lot of research and found out good and bad information and to be honest the bad out weighs the good by a lot more than what people actually know. I don't mean to sound harsh or negative, I'm just putting it all out there. Most people living with this don't know a lot about the bad until they are suddenly in the hospital and are told by doctors that the new illness is common among HIV/AIDS patients. Why don't they just tell the whole truth instead of picking the very few positive things when it comes to living with HIV/AIDS???

[Hidden]

Sorry to hear your story. As Ianm123 has mentioned, have a look at Terrance Higgins, there's a lot of help and support on there.

For me, I take a couple of tablets every morning, and I go to the hospital for a blood test every couple of months. Those are the facts for me. That's all that has changed.

I could make up stories in my head about how bad it is and how people won't like it and blah blah blah, but if you really focus on the facts, it puts it into perspective.

I hope this helps in some sort of way for you

[BlkDmd]

The life expectancy of non-whites is 49-58 even while taking medication to treat the disease. I do know how this is living a long life. I'm 34 now so how isn't this a death sentence? I'm confused...

[BlkDmd]

*don't (typo)

[Guy123]

Hello BlkDmd, I certainly understand your feelings as I have had them myself. I have only told one really close friend and two individuals who had a personal connection to me. I cannot recommend my course of action, but I have decided not to take medication. I plan to discuss an antidepressant prescription at my next three-month checkup. I would hope that would help with some of those suicidal ideas and make life a little easier to handle. I also believe in the motto, it is what it is. Maybe not the answers that you want, but that is where I am on this topic.

With that, I believe it is possible to live a long life taking the meds. Almost eight years ago, I met a guy at a club. We exchanged numbers and went to dinner the next night. During dinner he told me that he was HIV+. We were together almost six years, so it doesn't have to be a life changer. I admired his forwardness to me, a stranger, but I'm not at a point in my journey of being so open about it (six months since diagnosis). Best of luck in your journey.