Dating???

[SammyJ92]

Where do i start with dating?! Like before i found it easy with the likes of Grindr etc but now i just feel like i dont belong here. I'm not really a big clubber and havent been out in quite a while. I feel like i've lost the ability to flirt!!

[Davidthomas06]

1st of all, well hello there(that's my attempt at flirting lol) I have not been out in a fair while due to illness and mobility as a result of said ilness. However, saying that during my stay in hospital and as soon as I could communicate I flirt like there is no tomorrow.

It is a state of mind (I believe). I am not drop dead gorgeous but I have a pulse.

Sometimes it pays to be cheesy and out there and just give it a go. Try the supermarket (it does work) Get out and circulate make yourself known, does not have to be clubbing. A local pub or gym.

Before I go, 1 last thing I must take my own advice.

David

[Danoherbaculture in reply to Davidthomas06]

Which aisle for the supermarket?

"Is this Advocado ripe do you think?"

"I have two for one on these, do you fancy joining me for dinner?"

[Davidthomas06 in reply to Danoherbaculture]

I'm in the best before end date aisle.

[SammyJ92 in reply to Danoherbaculture]

I don't like Avocados

[Mancguy]

have you tried local gay grups, there seems to be a gay everything these days or volunteering for an lgb organisation

Grindr and the likes can be a bit in your face but not everyone on there is after a quick shag. I make it clear on my profiles that I'm after a brew and that's about it and have made some great friends. I'm sure things could have gone further with a couple of them but I'm just not in the right place in my head to go any further

[Chamako]

I feel you Sammy. I don't go out much any more and flirting is difficult when you are not putting yourself in those situations. I've had alot of people tell me to try the bookstore or the library. Nothing wrong with picking up a guy in that reads. Good luck to you.

[Danoherbaculture]

Hey lovely. This is a massive thing that I feel Im just coming out of. I still wonder about it but I find that saying I am poz on grindr etc means that other people say they are too and its often fine. Maybe less offers but so what.

I think its really natural for mojo to drop. especially with the scary past of AIDS.

I imagine that it is probably harder in non gay scene as HIV less prevalent as a percentage of population. Remember there are a whole host of things to disclose to potential partners: having children, mental health issues, weird parents, being broke and ultimately HIV is fairly manageable.

Lots of love and you'll get there, smile xxx

[bad-monkey]

I am good at flirting but I catch myself being afraid to approach someone for few I would rejected for telling them I am poz. I worry that I will retreat and stop looking to date.

[Chrissuffolk]

It shouldn't really make much difference, most guys are fine with it. I put Poz on my Grindr and have no issues...

[SammyJ92 in reply to Chrissuffolk]

I know but there are people in my local area who i dont want knowing and always run out of my blocks too quick lol

[OldTimer1985]

Gosh, this will always be the tricky one. Dating! That's very 'proper' lol. Glad to hear that people have started to do that again. It was never number one on the 80s gay scene - you went out and met people! Then one thing led to another...you make friends, get introduced to others, find common interests, go out meet people etc etc etc.

I've never been one for the scene, but did try to enjoy it and don't get me wrong I have had some great nights out - be that in drag, checked shirt and jeans or even the leather phase (but I'll talk about that another day!) - but I couldn't personally do it every week or as some friends do, every night. Grindr, et al - don't have the same thrill as Gaydar used to have and is primarily cottaging for a new generation - who would never stand in a toilet 'Peter in hand' but don't mind whacking it out for millions to see. I digress.

I met my husband in a str8 pub. He was out with his mates, as was I. We got talking, our groups merged and we all ended up spending the night drinking together as one huge group. We all kind of 'got on' and after several months and others in the group becoming couple we did too. Bit of a slow burner, but we knew by then that we liked each other and it wasn't just yet another 'sex' thing. I was also concerned as he is negative. HIV was also something that had not naturally come into conversation until the 3rd time we went out, when it did. I had gauged his response and he realised that to me HIV wasn't a badge that I wore, it didn't define me. He was more taken by the idea that I had been pos longer than his brother had been alive! 

What I'm trying to say is if you had it in you before - it's still there! You just need to enjoy being you and as people have said get yourself about a bit. It's surprising how many people will chat away in coffee shops - they are just waiting for you to speak to them first. I am lucky, I live for meeting new people! Other people's stories are far more interesting. 

Failing that if you want a natter...I'm a message away

Ian x