Overcoming shyness

[ali-may]

I am quite shy and reserved and find social events can be stressful. I can never start a conversation with a stranger words get 'stuck' and my mind races in all directions, then I just want to make my excuses and get home. I feel I'm missing out on such a lot and would love to be more confident and engage more with 'anyone'. There is so much out there and I would love to be part of it. We have been asked to a party for a friends son recently married, at the moment I'm feeling a bit anxious 60% yes go, 40% make an excuse and stay at home. Would love any tips I can use.

[Activity2004 Administrator]

Hi ali-may ,

Welcome to the Healthy Eating group. Please continue posting your postings and/or comments, asking questions, take a look at the polls on the Polls section, read and reply to other member's postings/comments, attend the group's Monthly Meetings (we meet one weekend a month), and of course, meet the rest of the group Members, Volunteers and Administrators.

It's normal to be shy in certain situations-- especially at parties. I'm a friendly and outgoing type of person, but when I first get to a party/big celebration, it takes me a little while to warm up. This is nothing to worry about. What you can do is, if you're going with a friend or family member, stay near them for a few minutes until you feel more comfortable being at the party. Once you are feeling comfortable, go and talk with the rest of the party attendees and the host.

[ali-may in reply to Activity2004]

Thanks for your reply Activity2004. Some good tips to try out. I seem to talk myself into not enjoying myself and that's when the anxiety starts!! Confidence seems to be the answer.

[Zest]

Hi ali-may ,

Welcome back - you used to be in the forum a few years back - and I replied to you back then. I hope you're having a good week, and I hope very much that you are able to feel more confident in your wish to mix more with people and have conversations - it can be daunting sometimes, but I feel sure you'd hopefully feel more confident with practice, and Activity2004 has already given you some good suggestions.

Great to see you back in the forum.

Zest

[ali-may in reply to Zest]

Thanks for your reply Zest. I dip into the forum most weeks to catch up on the various topics, I usually find something useful, there are a lot of friendly knowledgeable people there. I'm sure I will gain confidence with practice as you suggest.

[DartmoorDumpling]

I know that feeling well; I have always found groups of people quite daunting, although I can cope with them more easily in ones or twos. You write clearly and intelligently so conversation is just something to be practised.

Once you are in the door at the party, look for someone else who might be on their own, or ask your friend for an introduction to someone who might share an interest with you. Come armed with questions - most people like to talk about themselves. I always find pets and holidays are pretty harmless topics that get most people relaxed and chatting. Don't worry about what others think of you; you know you are a friendly, kind and interesting person and that will come across if you walk in there believing it.

If you find a party too daunting an idea, then find a group of people who share an interest to spend time with - bird watching, archaeology, Women's Institute, Badminton club, dog-training group - whatever floats your boat! The more you get out there, the more your confidence will grow. Lets us know how you get on?

[ali-may]

Thanks for your very helpful comments. I am feeling a bit sensitive just now, my mum died last month and although she had a good long mostly healthy life (86) it still comes hard and there's practical things to deal with too. I like your last sentence and am looking forward to gaining confidence and enjoying new things.