Need Help

[Needingpeace]

I am really struggling with a breakup and moving on from someone I really love. I feel like I sabotage my relationships and don’t know how to let go of all the pain from my past. Please help!

[SavingGrace Administrator]

Hello Needingpeace. I am sorry that you are experiencing a break up. That is always the least thing that anyone might wish to go through. It's always tough and always feels wrong at the time to be losing a second piece of ourselves.

You've spoken about sabotage and I can relate to this, having hesitated or been previously coming from a place of guilt or loss, when in a relationship. My mother always told me that relationships need to start from a place of balance. Yin yang, I guess. Having just learnt to surf, I would translate this as being on the rising tide... ready to catch a wave... but maybe that's not much help.

What I do sense from reading your post, is that you feel like YOU are the one to blame or are at fault. This is never the case. Again, my mother tells me "it takes two to tango" and this has always stuck with me. Finding common ground is about finding meaning, wherever we might be in a relationship.... no matter what our faults or inhibitions might be. So, though you feel that 'you' have sabotaged this or other relationships, maybe in fact, what I myself would ask myself is - is this other person really ready to commit to me and my deep infallibilities? No human is perfect - and I've heard that neither is any relationship. Yet, it is important to appreciate where another comes from and to be able to move ahead, knowing deep inside that we or they themselves are ready to enter the path of love.

My reply is that love takes time; and that if someone is not yet ready - well then that is ok. But I also believe that someone who is ready, will make that adjustment to guide and help us through to becoming stronger - rather than allowing the differences in status to be the issue.

I hope that this provides some comfort and I send massive hugs and blessings to you right now.

Losing love turns out to be a major learning curve. Learning to love, or find the right love is something to keep searching for, never allowing ourselves to judge ourselves too harshly, because forgiveness is key to the process ?

[Midori in reply to SavingGrace]

Covid has not helped. When you are stuck at home and you really would like to be out, then the smallest thing niggles. Small annoyances become big ones, and before you really know it you are at each other's throats.

Many partnerships and marriages will hit the rocks while the Pandemic continues. Nothing to blame yourself over, it happens more that you may think.

Cheers, midori

[Needingpeace in reply to Midori]

Thank you so much for reaching out. It’s a long story but the person left me for someone else that I know is horrible for them. On top of that, this happened once already to the same person on Thanksgiving last year. We reconciled in March and I feel like I just tested them since then being so worried they would leave again. And they did...

[Midori in reply to Needingpeace]

It's never a good thing to go back. If they have left you once for another, it Will happen again, and continue until You stop it.

Much as you may love this person, he obviously has a roving eye and this won't change. He is using you as a fall back.

You must stop being there for him. He needs to make his own way in life, as do you. It can't happen for either of you until You make the break permanent. Sorry to be blunt, but I have been there,

Cheers, Midori

[Needingpeace in reply to SavingGrace]

I know but it hurts so much. I am struggling to get through every moment. One minute I’m ok and the next I’m just a puddle on the floor.

[FearIsALiar in reply to Needingpeace]

How are you doing?