relationship changes

[B17D]

hi

As I’ve put in my previous posts, my fiancé sustained a TBI around 2.5 years back. He has shown massive improvement, from coma, to prolonged period of minimally concious, and regaining other parts. (Only emerged from disorder of conciousness November 2023). He can eat and drink a normal diet now whereas at the beginning was on a feeding tube. Speech is slurred but I am able to understand him.

He has moved to a new rehab facility not far from home (previous one was a couple hours away) and has already shown great improvements. However, he has over the past couple months become more and more isolated and withdrawn. He has a frontal lobe injury so can get very frustrated very quickly. This seems to be getting worse.

I asked for his antidepressants to be reviewed and recently these were changed but not much change noticed. He has started seeing a neuropsychologist (unfortunately had no support with mental health) and although only a couple sessions in has been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety (which was expected) and has expressed some very upsetting thoughts he’s having.

I am so supportive of him, and completely understand why he feels this way. But I’ve recently only started therapy myself and I just find it so hard. I feel like this is the one thing I can’t help with. I try to get him out his room but he is so reluctant and gets very anxious/frustrated moving around rooms and I don’t know if I’m helping to actually get him out or pushing too far. I miss so much around 6 months ago when he was willing to go out and about, it just is so tricky at the moment and I feel at a loss.

He is also having huge issues with motivation, not seeing the point in therapy anymore as he doesn’t feel it’s working (linked in with both the depression and anxiety).

If anyone had any advice or experience I’d be greatly appreciative. I know is very early days for psychologist as only assessment stage, but anything I can be doing to help.

[Pairofboots]

Hi, the neuropsychologist is the best option to work through his mental health, they specialise in brain injury and take that in to account (generic MH tend to ignore the injury). Antidepressants can take a month or so to show improvement and need to be titrated to a therapeutic level. Unfortunately it can take time to find the right medication that is effective. Unfortunately when you are depressed and anxious it can feel impossible to gain motivation, hopefully the medication will help in time.

[Health222]

Oh, my word B17D you sound like an incredible person. You are supporting your fiance so well and whilst it is challenging you know that he appreciates what you are doing for him. I have no insights or advice only admiration and respect for the love and kindness you are showing your partner. Time is a healer and things will get better I'm sure. xxx

[James1984]

I'll comment here and say I experienced a lot of frustration and depression when I was recovering, 27 years ago now so it is a bit distant.

But from memory, I think what got me going again was being around friends and family and doing activities that I COULD do. It gave me a sense of fitting-in, and a sense of fun and accomplishment.

I know that he would get tired and overwhelmed easily, there must be some activity on his level that he can do? Perhaps this is what your fiance needs so he isn't feeling so isolated. Are there any support groups in your area for people with a brain injury? Even sitting with them to play a game or watch a movie together etc.

[Headinjuryhypo1]

I do wonder if he has been checked out by an endocrinologist. A quarter of brain injuries damage the pituitary gland, which can cause deficiencies in several vital hormones. The most commonly affected is growth hormone, which adults need just as much as children. The effects of growth hormone deficiency are both physical and mental. Physical - osteoporosis, heart trouble, a certain kind of liver disease, loss of libido, fatigue. Mental - depression, social isolation, anxiety, brain fog, even suicidal feelings.

There's a page on this, on the Headway website. headway.org.uk/media/12059/...

I would add that it is often really difficult to get the proper test for growth hormone deficiency (the insulin stress test or the glucagon stimulation test) and you have to do your research and make a fuss. I do wish you the best, and I echo what Health222 said about you. We set up a website after our son's suicide and there is information there - christopherlanetrust.org.uk - and I'm very happy to answer any questions. Good luck!

[JPBeeves]

I completely understand your point about your fiancé I have a cerebral infarction plus T.I.A’s,I come understand what your fiancé is saying..

I can only suggest that you will need to be an advocate for him and be firm and try and insist for everything that he does need.

I believe that you will need to be firm but honest with him and encourage him to do what he needs to do.