All of my "pre episode" so called friends avoid me. One I have known for 62yrs but a few months before my aneurisms burst he started avoiding me. have made 2 new friends but one of the wives hates the sight of me and I have no idea why.
You see for me I have no real idea of myself before I had a triple SAH and so now have no idea how or if I have changed. Not a little confusing and frustrating.
Anyone else here relate to me ?
Hi Liumeybob,I know exactly what you are going though. My friends don't even call or text anymore let alone visit with me. My family barely talks to me. However, I have been volunteering and it seems like those people are more accepting of me. Give it a try. It is hard to lose friends but I guess they weren't really friends. Try the volunteer thing. Look for something you would like to do, there are lots of opportunities.
BikerChk
Hi there Bikerchick \\\\\thanks for your reply.
I have been trying for 3 yrs to find something I could do voluntarily. No one seems interested . I am a very well educated man and have designed and run technical training courses for many years as a part of my job all over the world. I have 2 masters degrees in electronics, most of which is still there. I would love to teach maby basic maths for those that need it or even english. A h though, I haver no teaching qualifications so I am held at arms length. I am physically not capable of much as one of my bleeds gave me a left side stroke. I have lost 6 stone of muscle so am very weak compred to pre episode.
Hi LbIt seems the way of it.
People have told me friends you make after stick better, because they have no expectations around you being you before.
You have been through a major life changing experience they can't relate to. People seem to be that way.
As for how you are now.. well, we sometimes aren't aware. Sometimes some therapy helps us be sure we can read people.better or can help.us relearn social skills. It isn't all that easy, depending on the injury.
For myself I am a lot more blunt now and also very literal. I am watching and sometimes catch it after it happens. I can but try. It makes for misunderstandings.
Social stuff is complicated.
Leaf
been there! Lost many friends/family who see the old me, can’t handle the new me?! Their loss!! Down side of injury!! Good side is it inspired me to redeveloped/hone the new me!! Strengthened the new character!! Is sure a challenge. But makes for a tougher me?!! Made new friends, dispute the day centres closing. Life continues!! Am now happy to face it!! Seen as getting rid of the old!! The new me is able to accept the changes & move on. Owe too much to the nhs for all their hard work, fortunate that am emotionally numb?!!! Be determined!! & come rant whenever! Encouraging to hear others progress, share the good & bad? Take care & SMILE to spite the frustrations!!
Hi there SDS thanks for the reply.
Another odd thibg for me is I have (without warning strange feelings of memories I can't remember. So real are they that I can even feel nauseus with it. Most are feelings of delight and happy right down to the smells. It can be very discocerting at times. As for the smells, it's strange. Since my episode I can smell nothing and taste very little. Anything you had like this >
Only thing, I can now eat Brussels sprouts?!! Nights are filled with memories, now able to deal with mums passing? Been 2 years since, never cried but brain thinks am now capable of dealing with the memory’s?!
Yes. The loss of taste and ability to smell things is apparently very common as the olifactory nerve is usually the first thing to go.
Complicated things during Covid to the point of not acknowledging this disability.
I was told that if this didnt recover in eighteen months it may never come back. So I rationalised that if that was the worst thing about a serious TBI then I would live with that.
I also rationalised that babies learn taste and smells so why shouldnt I similarly? Its taken seven years and its not as exacting as it used to be but it has come back and I celebrate every new smell or taste knowing that I am learning again.
Keep on persisting and celebrate victories👍
Hi liumeybobMy sons accident happened in April none of his so called friends visit him it breaks my heart as he had lots of friends he is 28. He doesn't really know they don't visit but I'm sure if they did it would lift him,but it's their loss. X
The toughest time! They look at us, see the old friend can’t accept this new one?! Their loss!! We develope slowly, become nicer people as we choose the better qualities to hang onto rid the bad n strive to make for better!!
Hi Liumeybob,
Yes, the new me has had to form new friendships too. Most of my close friends have pre-deceased me anyway but one of over 30 years decided he didn't like the new me, refused to read any of the Headway literature I sent him, and turned his back on me. Even my wife of 37 years now hates me. I have made no secret that I do not intend to die a lonely old man so I have been making female friends again. Let the fair weather friends go - you won't miss them.
Hi,I can relate to you. I have ASD and Hydrocephalus. Anybody new, when I worked etc, that I met for the first time would become at the very least unfriendly, at worst openly hostile towards me after I thought that we had got on well. Totally bewildering to me. My marriage has just broken down after 16 years of open hostility from my wife's mother and I don't understand why she was so nasty to me and why no one challenged her, so it just became normalised.
It's likely due to ASD (aspergers) which was formerly diagnosed before the hydrocephalus made its presence known.
I don't push back, just turn the other cheek, but that just normalised things and I am not a mean person and would never deliberately hurt anyone.
I understand your bewilderment, you are not alone.
Mark
I am looking for a job...
Am I wrong to be annoyed?
I don't feel like I am me
I guess I am a bit of a fool.
