Hi, 16 months on from my accident I'm getting some help from a counsellor about changes in me as a result of the brain injury.
Am talking about the core parts of me being kind, caring etc, then a trickier part where I think about old and new personality traits. I've been using "old" and "new" with my first name but they don't feel right to explain it or help me accept it.
My question is what do I use as descriptions, particularly for the new version? Any suggestions or anyone gone through a similar wobble with decided who you are?
Thanks
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Nemo24
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Hi Nemo, who is this for? For you to help come to terms with what has happened? Or for explaining to others? If it’s for you, the simplest way is just to think in terms of before and after, so that can be old and new or however you want to think of it. If it’s for others to help them understand, then really it comes down to how you feel comfortable explaining it. It really is up to you and how you feel but essentially whilst some previous traits remain, you are in many ways a new or different person.
Thank you. This is for myself. I want to look forward but new as a word doesn't feel right. New feels like should be sparkly and improved but that's not it. It's having the core of you still there plus extra things with some loss to acknowledge too.
Hi, I tend to use mark l, and mark ll, this accounts for the original me, and the version that has had a few updates. Like a computer that has had a new system update, some bits are an improvement, some still have a few bugs that need attention. I didn't expect it but I am now finding a mark lll version emerging where some files appear to have been corrupted. P.S. me name isn't mark.
Hi.I know what you mean. I used new and old but tended to use new and unimproved instead of just new.
As has been stated mk1 and mk2 maybe better. It can be hard to explain this sudden shift in yourself to others. You get told that everyone changes over time.
That's true but few people wake up feeling completely different. The key is accepting the changes in yourself and learning to like yourself again.
I took a slightly different approach, as I feel who I am now is me - before my ABI I was a different person so that was the ‘old me’ if you like but not who I am now. I don’t think of it as a ‘new’ me, it’s just me. It took a while to reach this point though.
For me it has just been a case of getting (stumbling) on with it as best I can.
I don't remember the old me as any different to me now, character is basically the same .... I think and that's the way I want it, I don't want to be different though I do have to be more careful probably.
I like me, been a long journey with some very strange twists and turns along the way 😊
spent 20 years redefining my personality?!!! Learning to accept/adapt/develope the new u is hard!! Find the best qualities of u old character, polish may be needed!!! Will help u greatly over the trying times. I never thought it was able to redefine u?! Find a new social life, purpose. Social services will point u in the right/ safest direction or ask dr? Good luck with y development. Would love to hear u progress!!
Hi Nemo. The way I describe it is by saying that following my brain injury, the way it works was compromised. Whilst my concentration, attention and ability to filter my speech at times, it has also upgraded other parts and am more outgoing, make new friends faster and have developed an awesome sense of humour!
For me this happened 15 years ago and I’ll admit that it has taken me a long time to accept the new (and improved) me! However, learning to accept your changes is the most important area to focus on for your own sanity
With time, I have come to understand at the core I am still myself - in some ways known better to me now than me before.
How things are right now is also a moving target. LIving in the now is a coping strategy. "Now" can be looked at with curiosity, knowing awareness can help you cope, and that now shifts - so there are always moments that can be appreciated.
The before and after also makes us unique another way - most people know intellectually people are different - we have the gift of knowing experiencetually that people actually are different - in how they feel, how they process, how they know things, etc etc. Because, we actually are different in some ways now.
It's ok for those things to be different. I know it's a big shock. It takes time to adjust, especialy since things change as you heal and become more aware over time, which you will.
The medical people will tell you not to compare, and you will anyway.
The thing to know is, you are still you, and it's ok that you are different, and that that changes. You just need time to adjust and come to terms with that, and so do the people around you.
I am glad you have a counsellor to talk these things over with, it's helpful. I hope they are brain injury aware, because that makes a big difference.
I don't know if you are aware, but a lot of your responses to people's answers to Nemo's question are very judgemental.
In this case, quite negative and completely unnecessary.
You may not be aware of how you are coming across.
It is inappropriate here, where support is the name of the game.
If your response is how you yourself see yourself dealing with it, fair enough - and it belongs in your own separate answer, not as a comment on someone else's.
Or, perhaps you were a school teacher in your past and feel the need to leave comments saying what you approve of, or what you don't.
Could be lots of reasons...
Whatever it is, it is a violation of boundaries and is not appropriate here.
Thank you Leaf100, am relatively new in my getting used to changes brought about by a fall , hence questions. All for the positive supportive comments that come through. That's how we all move forward.
People can't help comparing life before to life after at times - it just happens - brains will show you memories cause that's what they do...the trick is not to get stuck comparing and let it bring you down. There is a way forward, and some grief will also happen - and also you will find sources of positive feelings as well. They just might not be exactly what they were before - so pay a bit of attention to what supports your mood and relaxes you now - maybe more simple things, like a flower or some fluffy clouds or fresh air or a fuzzy blanket.
sorry if I offend. Not my intention, through my own experience am trying to share my own difficulties. How I have learnt to handle challenges. Ultimately to encourage people to carry on their simular battles from my own experiences, my views are 20 years of experience. I believe to be true. Sorry if you don’t understand
I seem to think of myself as 'a different capacities me' at different times. Before and after the accident is the marker. But new skills as well.
At one time I did not know how to sing well, and now I am better, because I do sing regularly. Singing has helped me to stay 'me'. I have polished that bit.
Now, though, I can't concentrate on actions for any length of time, and I forget the thread of why I started doing something.... and that bit is just different capacities. I just notice it - and let it go. Yes, it is different.
Now, I have to make a conscious decision to organise better, so that when I start doing something, it is in short sections, and I can do it all while I still remember what I was doing it for.
I wish you luck. As you can see, I am doing it too. The thing to remember is that we are never the finished article - we are at all times 'works in progress'. After our TBI we changed direction maybe, but most likely we didn't stop altogether.
That is what makes us all ourselves, I think. We are people moving along - never static. Each new event, each new experience, is another impression which is plugged into the equation. A final definition of who I am would be to say that I have somehow 'settled'.
I never intend to settle. Tomorrow all of us will be a tiny different. Hurray.
very true, good reasoning. Apparently a non tbi surrender doesn’t like my replies, here I find likeminded people. They should try living with one!! Before preaching what is proper to pat? Life goes on!! Acceptance is my aim x
no reason to loook back at who you where before, as looking back, will only see what has been. let the new you look ahead to whatever possibilites that are before you. today you are you. tommorow - a newer 'updated' version of you. happens to us all.
acceptance for yourself, and clear out those that wont, accept you for you as you are now, as they will still only 'see' the old you. move forward. eyes straight.
find a hobby or somethings that really clicks with you as you are. seek out like minded people in this area adn look ahead. be how you want to be. but above all, be kind.
Thank you everyone for your comments. Really interesting and really helpful. Trying to look forward just finding that a bit sticky. Know that's short term and I can do this
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I don't feel like I am me
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