That awful feeling when waiting for someone to prompt a conversation

[Survivor37]

When I'm around adults is where I struggle most with trying to think of the right words..I know everyone can get mixed up at times but I'm talking about a complete memory loss of any conversation I try have verbally I get about 5 words in n then BOOM it's all gone I try to combat this by changing subject constantly and can't stay on topic at all...i know others find it rude but they won't say owt..I spend my time in my own madness these days inside my family unit as it's safer there..I'm interested to see if anyone on here suffers like I do when I comes to verbal communication

[Catx1978]

I find myself doing this too. I'll start a sentence, completely loose track of what I'm saying, stop and desperatley try to remember what I'm talking about but can't so change the subject. Luckily the people around me know what I have been throiugh so don't make an issue of it but it frustrates me when I have to cancel one subject becuase I simply can't remember what I was talking about. I have another issue where I'll be talking, run out of breath (my left vocal cord is paraliiysed when the nerve was severed from one of my skull fractures and I run out of breath so I'll pause and others jump in and I don't get the chance to finishi speaking

[Woo777 in reply to Catx1978]

I’m exactly the same , I don’t know why but I always leave the last word or two to others to finish for me . It has got slightly better over the last couple of years but certainly not to normal.

[Writeronstack in reply to Catx1978]

Yup - same thing. Really frustrating that everyone seems to think that they can guess what I was going to say, and sometimes they are right too Still, they tell me that there is light somewhere at the end of a longer tunnel than I had thought. Good news is that some days, I feel better - and my challenge is not to overdo it, (trying to compensate for the bad days of pure fog) when I do.

black and white photo of a girl standing on a jetty in the fog

[Survivor37 in reply to Writeronstack]

It's mind blowing how many suffer with the same struggles I do living with a BI. I spend most my time in silence apart from when I'm acting the goat within my family unit..me n my family know how I struggle verbally n we just take it with a pinch of salt these days my BI is part of me and always has been. my acceptance of my daily struggles and my BI has been a tough one but I'm so glad I've done it as I feel a sense of calm within..for now anyway..thankyou for your comment 👍

[Catx1978]

It's nice to hear that someone else has got to thr stage that ypu have. It's a year this month since the accident and I'm struggling to accept how things are now. I get so frustrated, upset and down about it

[Survivor37 in reply to Catx1978]

Thankyou for your comment..I call it THE ROLLS COASTER I can only live my life day by day as I forget my day as i go through my day I spend most nights trying to remember conversations people n just general stuff. It frustrates the hell out of me but it is what it is..I'm sorry to hear about your own accident thankfully there's us so much support out there for BI Survivors back in the 1980s all I got once the blood clot in my head had come out my nose was a rub of my hair n the words ah he's reet the lump n clot has gone.. typical 80s no scans or owt..it's only now I'm accepting my own BI..I wish you all the best in your own journey with BI..I hope I've not gone off track👍

[Catx1978 in reply to Survivor37]

No you're right in that there's so much more help and support for BI survivors. I have just got to get through the journey of accepting that my life has changed and thats hard. I don't remember most conversations that I have and I don't take in all that is being said. At my last conmsultants appointment, my rehab assistant was writing everything down that was said as I knew it wouldn't go in then she was telling my husband as I wouldn't be able to.Thank you about wishing me all the best. I wish you all the best too. It's nice to talk to someone who knows exactly what I'm going through.

[Writeronstack in reply to Catx1978]

Catx - I wrote down everything that the nurse said at my last surgery visit. . . And she waited patiently, and wrote some of it down herself. Funny thing is, I can't find what I wrote down 😂. Well you've got to laugh, haven't you. We are all in the same boat. I'm new to this condition so I went alone. Learning that I need to be accompanied. So thank you for taking the time to comment.

[Catx1978 in reply to Writeronstack]

I write things down but I either can't find where I wrote it down or can't make sense of it when I ready it back. You do have to laugh. I joke about my injury and difficulties all the time now as either you'd love or cry and I'd rather laugh. I've cried many tears over the last year. I still feel like crying quite a bit but I'd rather laugh

[Survivor37 in reply to Catx1978]

I'm no expert in BI by a long chalk I've just lived a life living with BI and I can relate to struggles the thing with me is I've lived in a denial regarding my BI I've always known I'd changed after my accident but just got on with it n I've been fortunate as I'm pretty much physically fit..I walk with a limp due to nerve damage in my lower leg car bumper broke tib n fib but that also is what it is I can't change it...I believe we survive for a reason what reason I've not put my finger on as yet..life for you has completely changed from what you knew..your personal acceptance will come don't rush to find it just one day at a time ride the rollercoaster with the ups and downs and the twist n turns your BI send you on..I've done wellish upto now I'm a dad and a Grandad but naff all else 😂but I'm o.k with that I happy in my own madness..keep riding my BI friend👍

[Catx1978]

I'm no expert either but living with it means that I research everything about it.I wqas physically fit before the accident. I cycled eveyr day. I won't be getting on a bike for a long time and I've got no strenght in my body, especially the left side which was the side the car hit me. I've got balance issues now, memory loss, heavy fatigue and I've now got Epilepsy and NES (Non Epileptic Seizures) a condition causing seizures that look very simular to epilepsy but arn't cause by brain activity being all over the place. Nore likely due to the trauma of what I've been through. I've been in denial, I'm coming through that now but I'm not ready to accept that my life has changed so much. My husband went to the court case of the woman driver that hit me and one of my work colleagues said to my sister in law (we work at the same place) that now we have a verdict, I can move on. I can't. I'm reminded opf what happened every day that I wqake up. I've been told that I will move on but it'll take time and to take things at my own pace. I joke about it a lot but that's my way of coping. I've said to people that if I didn't laugh I'd cry and I've cried many tears over the last year. I also get fed up with people telling my to keep positive as that's all I've done for the last year and I get tired of being positive. Sorry to go, I just find it so helpful to talk about it. I'll keep riding on the rollarcoaster. It's a good way of explaining it.

[Survivor37 in reply to Catx1978]

Good for you and your husband getting a verdict through the courts I wasn't able to persue any legal action back in the 80s..I just tried so hard to be like everyone else through my life I did make a lot of wrong choices but I'm àlong way from all the carnage nowadays but my struggles have always been there I found drink and drugs was a good way of hiding if I was drunk like others then they won't have a clue..I I understand the frustration of trying to stay positive when everything is different. I had to give up my job 4 years ago due to balance issues n my BI issues..I doubt anybody was ever prosecuted for nearly killing me..I remember nothing of my accident but I relive it in my sleep.

[Catx1978]

Oh we got a verdict but it wasn't enough in our opinion. She got done for careless driving without due care and attention. If I'd have died, they could have charged her either dangerous driving but there was no offence then for causing serious injuries by careless driving. She was using a phone but they couldn't prove whether the hands free set she was using was legally not. So she got a 6 month driving ban and a £600 fine. That's nothing compared to what we've been through

[Survivor37 in reply to Catx1978]

Wow the justice system is so wrong when it comes to BI the court case is done with but it doesn't change your daily struggles since your accident..I doubt I'll ever get any compensation moving forward due to it being so long ago..I do know I'll never work again n I'm only 48 my life changing injuries will be with me forever. I am now recieving enhanced rate of PIP after a 3 year slog with em..who knows what lies ahead regarding my own story I'm happy that I've started to speak about it 👍

[Writeronstack in reply to Catx1978]

Goodness. The judiciary needs to hear about this. . . A £600 fine, and a six month ban is far from proportionate in terms of the injuries her carelessness caused. Question is, who do we write to? And what do we ask for ? Was she even asked to meet you and see what damage she'd caused? Because that would be a really big disincentive for most people - being made to face the consequences of what happened to someone else, because we were careless. . . You've set me off now, Catx. 😃

[Skulls in reply to Writeronstack]

Any appeal about an unduly lenient sentence has to be notified in writing to the Attorney General’s office within 28 days so I suspect it is now too late. The concept of restorative justice is an interesting one but how would one compensate a brain injury sufferer?

[Writeronstack in reply to Skulls]

Wasn't thinking about monetary compensation. I am sure it is too late to secure that too.

However it would undoubtedly create an impact, and a more careful attitude towards getting in the car with something else intrusive on ones mind, if you factor in the possibility of having to confront the person who your carelessness damaged. It would need to be covered by the press in an in depth way. Maybe the forgiveness project could take it on. Just musing. That this magnitude of negative effect should have no social or moral impact on the perpetrator is an opportunity wasted surely.

[Survivor37]

My BI was so long ago well before the systems of today that it's impossible to compensate me for my life changing injuries I don't even know who was driving the car that hit me or did they ever get prosecuted I can't do owt now but all I know is I had to give up my work to due my hidden struggles 4 years ago n I no know now I'll not work again n I'm only 48.the justice system is a farce still to this day and needs updating..getting people to just understand how a BI Survivor struggles every day is hard enough so legal stuff doesn't get spoken about