When you feel like you're running out of steam.

[B_S_A]

I've been pretty good at keeping my emotions in check, I don't mean that in a ruthless way, I think you should feel how you feel, but I think I shouldn't let my life go down the pan any more than it has by going overboard on feeling sorry for myself too much.

My medication is at an all time high after my many seizures over the past 11 months, it really wipes me out, which is really frustrating, because the spirit is so very willing, but my body just won't cooperate. It's like every time I try to get back to uni and everything, I'm punished for it. Of course, this is ridiculous, but you get what I mean.

But I'm trying, and we're all trying so well done me, and well done you. It takes a special kind of person to go through this stuff and carry on, even when it's just so hard. It would just be so easy to give up.

Just remind yourselves of that sometimes, it always calms me down, and more importantly, makes me feel good about the future. Embracing the pain is such a necessity, but feel good about feeling it, and not avoiding it.

[BaronC]

Nice words, wonderfully put, and precisely how I feel.

[cat3]

It's true,Ben; self-pity can be so welcoming but just brings you down to a place which is really hard to climb out of. Keep up the fight young man & I hope things are going OK at present.

You too Baron.

[B_S_A in reply to cat3]

I am fairly sick to death of it mind, I just want to sit down and feel normal.

[Sem2011 in reply to B_S_A]

I totally undestand how you are feeling, just to be normal, and have normal energy, not having to pace ourselves, to be carefree, but I guess on my good days I think yes , your still alive, albeit controlled, but then I think you only have one life and we have to make the most of it. Irritational days and low days I do not think this way, but I am trying to support you so here is a positive message :). I have just joined this site, and it's great, nobody else can truly understand brain injury without experiencing it, if you try to explain. You get blank looks, or generic answers, so best kept to myself .

[cat3]

I know Ben. 'Sick to death' ..........and the rest. But platitudes don't work either, so I usually resort to rather tasteless jokes.......which often include self-mockery and/or dark humour. Falling into a helpless, giggling heap is seriously preferable to the alternative of bleak reality. And music ........and the beauty of nature all works for me when the unthinkable thoughts come sneaking up.

Yep I know that sounded a bit 'airy-fairy' but I've learned to take notice of some of the simple stuff (like we did when we were kids) and when my fox arrives every night for his supper I never cease to notice how beautiful he is and how his whole existence is about just surviving on a daily basis. It reminds me how we 'over-think' everything ..........instead of just working with what we've got and taking pleasure in it.

OK I'm going now......I'm starting to ramble. I know it's worse for you with those horrible seizures, but all I can offer are more dreaded platitudes...........and you wouldn't want that would you ?

xx

[Sem2011]

Great attitude, yes we all have our bad days, but believing we will get there must keeps us going. Yes, the seizures must be hard, and frustrating, in wanting to return to uni. I was in my second year of Masters degree when I had my TBI, I have not manged to go backyet ,or work, but they say we do improve, however at a slow rateI cannot see but others tell me, so yes we your comments are so spot o. We are strong to keep o. Fighting. eep fighting. I have pain too spascitity and that holds me back, but what do we do. We can't give up. I try and enjoy the simple things if I am feeling down, chocolate, comedy on TV, good friends, good book. Take care

[misswingit]

B_S_A I totally understand you. Having the silent battle of planning how much you can handle really gets my blood pumping, restricting everything, and if I don't I know it's coming to haunt me in a horrid and humiliating way. Or having a sudden horrid realisation that I've pushed too hard this week only to realise I have a hard few days coming, I sat catching up with some friends night before last and after 30 minutes of muddling my words and not being able to work out what they were saying in the simplest of sentences I'd had enough. This only set of a cycle of terrible thoughts. That night i cried myself to sleep again.

Waking the next morning I decided 'today' was going to be better! Unfortunately the result was the same, but I try, everyday I try 'today will be better'.

I hope with a little help, one of my 'tomorrows' will be a great day and i can throw my pills away! and I will only look to the positives! I can't wait!

Good luck