Hey guys it's me again. It's past midnight and I've wound myself up into a mass of dismal failure.
Since my TBI in 2008 I've put on 10 stone. I finally joined Slimming World in January to try and lose the weight once and for all. I've been trying so hard and holding out until recently. My counsellor who specialises in brain injury has had to stop due to health issues her end - which has left me floundering. This week has been so damn hard. Monday I was doing well, then late at night I opened a packet of biscuits and ate them one after the other after the other. Similar tonight, I've been good today and I've just eaten bowl after bowl after bowl of Cheerios and ruined it all. Again. My friend asked me whether I was self sabotaging myself unconsciously - I just don't know and I'm not going to get weighed this week I don't think. Anyone got any ideas?!? X
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The only advise I can suggest is to stop blaming yourself, fail, is not a concept we recognise in our world. Fail or F.A.I.L., or First Attempt, is Learning, as is the second, third, how ever many until we succeed. But sometimes, the successful outcome is different to what we set out, but that is ok. 🍀
Oh you're so so right Pairofboots, don't blame myself - that's something I really need to try and change in myself. Thanks for replying x
Hi don't know much about eating issues but was reading about stress/anxiety and addictive behaviours and mindfulness. There's a program called MB-EAT here's a link to some information. themeadowglade.com/mindfuln....
Your experience sounds familiar. I never felt hungry and would forget to eat, had to set up a reminder on the computer. However once I was into the recovery phase I started to get anxious and stressed then found myself eating all the time.
Hey there Janet thanks for your reply. OK yes I do feel full but by heck it takes me to eat loads and loads to get the full feeling - I suspect it's harder now to get that feeling than before my TBI. Your experience has helped and I wish I knew of the answer. My weight has crept on, though having a baby led to much more going on in a short space of time. My lifestyle definitely plays a huge part. I don't have a job and I'm very sedentary. I know if I was able to land myself a job then I'd be too busy to eat, no question! x
Hi again, I have in the past eaten far more at one sitting than my 25 year old son, and it is so difficult if I have really enjoyed a meal not to go back for seconds, and one packet of crisps is not enough.
But like you have said, my lifestyle is very sedentary now my head won’t allow me to move too fast, my balance is not the best.
I am retired now too, Covid lockdowns and shielding hasn’t helped any of us.
Hi Lucy, I agree with Pairof boots and Pinkvision. And how difficult for you that you've lost your counselor - that sucks, so sorry, and that you feel awful. First though, this is not cataclysmic, though it probably feels like that at the moment. And you are not 'sabotaging' yourself. The first time I lost weight significantly was when I managed to accept that I would fall off the wagon from time to time, and the main thing was just restarting the diet without beating myself up. Think logically that the calories from a lapse on one or two days aren't going to be that significant over the week or month, or three months, or year as a whole.
Treat it as a learning experience as Pairofboots says, even if it happens again, by analysing what your trigger was. If you can work out that, even if it takes a few more goes, you can then try and work out something else you can do when you get triggered. My guess is ( based on my own behaviour - I'm trying to stay off my phone as part of Lent- and it's howlingly difficult) is that your trigger might be a momentary stress or anxiety. Try and spot it, and try and think of some things you might be to able to do in advance to head yourself off by self-soothing yourself with something else - think of different things like something soft to touch - work on all your senses - something visual might work well for you? Also it can be useful to stop and focus on your breathing to give the stress response time to pass -(mindfulness (MBSR) courses reckon that it only takes three minutes for it to pass). I think my post BI psychologist gave me a sheet that suggested actually having a box of things to self soothe with that addressed all the senses, so that you only have to go to one thing in one place - I wasn't impressed at the time, but can see now it would work. Make it full of things that give you personal joy and pleasure.
This is why brain injury makes things so difficult though, because there's often an increased sensitivity to stress and anxiety, so we logically get more trigger moments than other people.
The other thing in play is the difficulty we have of stopping an action once we've started it - I can totally relate to the whole pack of biscuits thing - it's only really happened since my tbi ( the only time before I can remember is my son's first day at school, and he's 38 now..) and now it can happen with ease. Not sure what the answer is to that, except to also experiment with treats you might self-soothe with that you don't finish off in one go - I only recently realised that while I will demolish a pack of biscuits now , I don't actually do the same to a bar of chocolate, but can eke it out- weird, I know.
But perhaps treating it as a problem solving learning exercise, learning about you - recognising yourself - rather than a self blaming thing, might help you?
Try and remember that one pack of biscuits and one of Cheerios isn't the end of the world - over a few months of dieting, it hasn't ruined everything, it's just slowed things up a little bit. I know it's extra hard for you because you have a young one in the house, but if it helps you to know that others go though this too, I can tell you that when I eradicate all snack foods from my home (easier because I live alone) when I needed to binge I actually located the baby snacks ( fruit bars and so on) I kept in for my little granddaughter at the time and scoffed the lot - they aren't even that appealing being sugar and salt free ... I felt so bad afterwards too. ...
Did you have any joy with changing over the gabapentin by be the way? My mum was put on that and came off it because her weight started to balloon.
Take care, chin up, and try again. Try and get weighed anyway, for the support and the routine, it will give you a better benchmark for the following week too .. Aim for small steady wins, and allow yourself to not be perfect - it's harder to trip, but pick yourself up and carry on anyway, than it is to never trip up - but at the end of the day, we're all human and fallible from time to time
Here's a link to help recognize thoughts and feelings surrounding difficulty and shift the thought patterns to an alternative.soundcloud.com/mindful-heal...
I'm studying for a master's in mindfulness approaches, I still had TBI effects when I started. The first year was going through all the techniques, basically I was a TBI guinea pig. I recorded all my experiences and now in the second year I am comparing and contrasting them with the science of mindfulness.
The body scan was very difficult for me initially, vestibular issues caused disorientation and I would 'trip out.' However after the mindful movements component the body scan improved drastically. It seems the yoga type movement acted like therapy for the vestibular problems and sorted out the disorientation. Different mindfulness techniques would offer a step by step improvement for TBI and other BI's as long as a sequence could be worked out for the individual.
Hi, yes the bodyscan is a technique that focuses attention on body sensations. I had, and have read posts on here, where people have a lack of 'connection' with sensing their body. The body scan allows you to regain that connection. The issue I had doing this was that I had disorientation from vestibular nerve problems in my neck under the ear. When I layed down to do the bodyscan I felt as if the ground was tilting and I was about to slide away. I found that by doing neck stretching and movement exercises the disorientation/ vestibular issues corrected itself. Not sure what you mean by resolutions!
Hello again J! Firstly you're right, losing my counsellor for now has had a huge effect on me. Usually her zoom keeps me grounded almost - talking to her makes me feel as though I'm not going round the bend, that actually what I'm doing is fairly typical of TBI survivors. Luckily I've found a couples councillor who specialises in brain injury and we start next week. Oh and here's a fact for you, the number of counsellors in the UK that specialise in brain injury? 3, only three people. Seems quite low to me but there we go. I also need to be realistic as you discuss here. Falling off the wagon - twice this week is bad, but I tend to forget the days that I'm good. I always completely forget about those - it makes me wonder whether that's a human thing or is it just me?! God you're also sooo right, treat this as a learning process. ha, before my TBI I was a scientist so this approach naturally appeals to me. Treat it like an experiment. How long can I go without falling off the wagon, what are the triggers? Stress (yup) anxiety (definitely yup)...oh and my counsellor has talked to me about soothing before I think. She suggested that because I'm an artist maybe I could find paintings online that I love and when I feel like eating take a look at them. You know I have a file on my laptop of art that I've found and never taken her advice to actually use them as an alternative. Definitely worth a go I reckon!
No it hasn't ruined everything. I have lost 6 pounds up until now. I need to try and look on the bright side of things - I'm such a natural pessimist. Oh and the GABApentin. I used to be on 12 pills a day and I've managed to half it to 6 pills a day. Which is great. I do however tend to get sciatica in the evenings. I maybe need to talk to my doctor about that. Thanks for asking!
Six pounds is really good going L - really well done you. So hard, what makes when you feel hungry as well. How many days have you stayed 'on the wagon' to get there? Zoom counseling is so very helpful
Just three counsellors?? ? Well, all I can say is we all ought to retrain if that's the case! That's pretty weak, isn't it?
Yup try some observation and experiments to work out what works for you 👍
I quite like the idea of a box of nice things now - sort of a collection of good triggers, perfume, music, poem, photos, cuddly toy ..... think I might try it - my mum had something like that when we were growing up that she got out when we weren't well - it was a covered shoebox of interesting things - we called it the get better box ....
Hi Chat, Mum hasn't mentioned it since she weaned off them- she did mention she'd felt very fuzzy brained on it and feels better mentally now. Her pain is worse again though...
Just to add to the good advice others have given - could you perhaps not buy so much of the addictive foods? If they're not in the house, you can't eat them.I know I don't buy chocolate or biscuits for that reason and gave up buying crisps when my (then) teenage son would eat 6 or 7 packs in one go.
Very simplistic suggestion but might be worth adding to the other advice 🙏
Very good advice moo196. Problem I have is that my husband and 5 year old son - who are slim and fit - love all the things I tend to eat. You're right, I tried banning them from the house...you know maybe I should speak to my hubbie about it again... X
Actually that's the only way I manage is to not buy anything in - then the only thing I can snack on is raw nuts, seeds, fruit, peanut butter and my own bread ( it sort of looks like some deranged rodent lives in my flat....) but my weight stopped shooting upwards. Perhaps try and swing a version of that one on the family - perhaps as a way of reducing processed foods.
It went a bit wrong for me when I started buying snacks for the three year old - but freezer biscuits, where you only cook as many as you need at a time help a bit ( I have cooked one or two for myself - but it slows up the whole process - anything that slows down the grab and eat process is a plus).
Have you managed to put the cheerios behind you and go straight again? J x
That's all great advice J, definitely! If I was only buying for myself it'd be so much better - though I'd be able to get food delivered - don't start me on that! Oh and Cheerios, well I didn't get it for a few weeks but then I did get some. I'm able to resist them to a point...oh jeez it's a total nightmare! X
Oh dear L. But they can't be the worst thing to go for! (The main thing is not to let a binge derail you).
I did it to myself over Christmas and ordered in lots of treats like crisps and biscuits , on the grounds 'people' would be over - and 'spare' chocolate for presents, and basically worked through the lot. And, what is worse, almost straight after I wrote to you, my (thin) neighbour walked in and presented me with some homemade doughnuts, and I ate the lot... ( sorry...). So I do get the issue.
Hang on in there, you've done really well to get to the six pounds mark. Half a stone beckons xx
Hi. I'm in the same situation. It's hard. Food is a comfort and a way of punishment for me. Try distracting yourself with doing something else. Eat a small amount, wait 20 minutes and you will feel full. Write down how you feel instead of eating maybe. Hope this helps
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