I had a grade 5 brain anaryseum last year I have no memory of what happened I was in hospital nealy two months it as been very hard ever since I feel very lonely useless my short term memory is not good I have only just seen a phycologist and neurologist after all this time I suffer with severe anxiety depression and mood swings I've lost friends and I've not worked since this happened I worry constantly and feel professionals don't really know what it's like to be in this position my doctor doesn't understand you get one professional saying one thing and another saying something else it's so confusing I've gone from an outgoing person to someone who doesn't want to walk down the street having to speak to anyone does anyone else feel the same as me ?
Lack of support: I had a grade 5 brain anaryseum... - Headway
Lack of support
Hello my lovely, I totally understand how you feel. On Jan 14th I simply fell down my stairs at home. Only 11 steps, caused a massive traumatic brain injury, broke the base and right side of my skull, a subarachnoid haemorrhage and three blood clots. Firstly my family including my two small children were told I would die. Then told to find a care home as my disabilities would be extensive. I am lucky to say, with honesty that I have absolutely no effects from the accident.
Years ago I was diagnosed with Bi Polar and since the accident I have really struggled with anxiety, tearfulness, depression, guilt and I have no idea how to make it better. Everybody tells me I should be happy coz I proved everybody wrong and I should be thankful. I think my problems are that I am a control freak and this is something I can’t control plus my two small children found me the night of my accident and thought I was dead and the guilt I feel is taking me over. Like you I have no memory of what happened which makes it really hard to understand as I have no idea how it happened.
I 100% understand what you are saying. I even find it hard to be with my family who I adore. But they think I have no right to be upset, worried or angry as I have no problems or side effects from the accident.
I would really like to stay in touch with you and hope together we can tackle this problem and find a solution.
Take care of yourself
Thank you for your reply I would like to keep in touch
I would be more than happy to keep in touch. I look forward to hearing from you in the future.
Take care
Vikki
Sorry I sent my message before I asked how you are doing today.
Hello Danger19 today is a hard day again but trying to be positive as much as possible how are you doing ? Just having someone to talk to makes such a difference Thank you x
Hello my lovely, good to hear from you. I’m sorry you were having a rubbish day. I’m staying between my home and my parents which is difficult as I have always been very independent. I stay with them because my children are nervous and scared that something could happen again. Is there anything that helps you to get through the day. My children are my thing but it is still difficult sometimes.
Hope today is a better day for you. Hope to hear from you soon.
Take care
Vikki
Hello danger 19 your poor children to be worried like that my partner is fantastic and without him I dread to think where I would be it not only affects the person it's happened to but also loved ones but again also no support for them ! When I have my anxiety attacks and depression I know it's hard for him to deal with I asked my Dr for some support for my partner but he wasn't interested more or less laughed at us !!! We've got each other and help each other as much as we can family is very important at these times and you find that out and also who your friends are I've lost friends since my brain anarysum that hurts and hard to accept when you feel low and lonely I hope you've got friends and people to talk to ? Look forward to hearing from you
Hello hun! My family have been amazing. My parents have just stepped in for my children and I. I also have an adorable sister who I am very close to. But I think, like you say, they each have had their own problems dealing with what happened. You are dead right there is no help or support out there for us or people close to us trying to cope.
My two beautiful children are managing a lot better than they were. My daughter is 10 and my son is 14. My husband did a bunk three weeks before my daughter was born. Did me a favour to be honest. I won’t have boyfriends because I worry about the children. I’ll be honest, I don’t have friends either, not coz I’m horrible or anything bad I’m just a bit of a loner and I tend to focus on family. To be honest this accident has shown me that I need to expand my friendship list and work on my people skills.
I completely understand your low feelings. Like I told you, my bi polar has kicked in big time since I came out of my coma. I take quite a few anti depressants already but they don’t seem to be doing much. I did decide last night that I have to sort myself out and find the Vikki that was here before my accident. I know everyone thinks that because I defied the odds I should feel and behave differently. But I’m sure you understand and feel or felt the same when I say I feel that my whole life is now on hold and that because of my injuries people think I’m at risk or I’m weak. I can’t bear the the thought of anybody thinking I’m weak.
It’s been so nice to finally get to be honest with someone. I really appreciate the opportunity. You can talk to me about anything. I used to be a registered nurse and it takes a lot to upset or offend me.
I really look forward to your next message.
Take care of you
Vikki
Your words are exactly how I feel I've been working in care over 40 years I put so much time and energy making sure others are ok where I work now theve started to be funny becouse I've been off nearly 12 months they pay when your off only SSP which as now finished I've worked for them for 18 years and now they want me to hand my notice in !!! Theve not payed me a penny or even sent me a bunch of flowers !!! I get cross with myself for all the time and effort i put into the job but I did it for the people I looked after I'm in a union thank god so they are helping me thank god I get very worried I'm in my early 50s but very young at heart so eventually I hope to get another job which is very scarry even at my age I don't think people think your weak when people love you and care about you they get protective my partner gets protective and over protective at times which drives me mad but I know it's becouse he loves me and he sat by my bed for over s month being told I wouldn't live so in a way he's got trauma issues but like I said theirs no help you sound like a lovely mommy with a very caring family we have to be grateful for that some people have no one xxxx
You are lucky to be alive as I had a grade 4 and can only walk 5/600 yards and back goes, You are a survivor as not many live with grade 5 let alone still walking, So Gym be of good heart you survived and are a survivor, Now get out there and do some steps for me. Good luck and you have been through it so now's the time to get out if only for a cuppa. Face that big world on your own or with a family /Friend. Now go and do what I cannot do xxxx Keep surrounding yourself with happy people xxxx My short terms useless lol but we have to learn to smile and thanks to people that helped us xxxx Hard but you can do it Wow I met a Grade 5 and she can walk xxxx and is alive !!! Now be happy for yourself xx
Yes gym1bunny my partner is excautly the same had a anuysim burst last sept still recovering downtown want to out dosnt want see anyone her anxiety is taking over her life there's no help out there for her I'm with her 24/7 we've been on holiday few weeks ago but all she did there was sleep in the caravan so might as well stayed at home
I know exactly how your partner feels and how hard it must be for you as well I get so angry with people and situations I just have to try and take each day a step at a time you and your partner should go to your GP and discuss how she is feeling and what help you can access I do meditation on YouTube for anxiety depression I find that comforts me and I try each day to have a walk even if it's just very sort it gets you out of the house or even just in the garden tell your partner she's not alone and you are not alone hope to speak again soon take care
When we come on places like this knowing we aren't the only ones help, so keep chin up and I'll keep my 3 up lol...All be of good heart when times let you as we all get off days but they do get fewer as years go on xxxxx
Your employer is scum!! I’m sorry but you have been a good person, worked hard and looked after people to the best of your ability. Being in the business of care they should be more understanding. My Dad is a big union man and I sincerely hope your union take them to the cleaners hun. Don’t let it get to you too much, the situation says more about them than you. I’m sure you will find a company that is far more deserving of you.
Since my accident anger has been a real issue. I’ve just been really lucky that I can keep it under control. You’re right, I don’t know what I would have done without my family, they have been priceless for me.
Have you been to any of the Headway meetings? I’m going to my first tomorrow. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Take care
Vikki
I went to one headway meeting when I first came out of hospital I couldn't deal with it I was all over the place I hopefully will try it again I know what you mean about anger I find it hard in shops and noisy places my head is all over the place I'm pleased with myself today I've managed to go and have my haircut the music was loud in the salon but I managed to get through it I was glad to get out but pleased with myself I managed to do it Our problems are hidden nobody knows what anyone is going through unless it visual that's why we should all be kind to each other last year I worked we t to the gym doing spinning etc was mega fit and at the click of a finger life changes !!!!
That’s the thing, everything with brain injury is hidden so nobody instantly offers help.
You should be proud you managed to go and have your hair done. To do anything when your mood is not great is an achievement. That’s one thing amongst other things that upset me when I woke from my coma. They had shaved my waist length hair to do my operation. My sister is a hairdresser and she got me an amazing wig that she styled for me. But I’m still devastated every time I take the blasted thing off.
I have decided I am going to go home after Headway tomorrow and I intend to stay there. I haven’t spent a night in my home since the accident. My children are scared to go home. On the night of the accident, my 10 year old daughter found me and she woke my 14 year old son and told him Mummy’s dead downstairs. So I’m hoping that by getting back to the person I was, they will see not only have I survived but I’m also back to the Mum they know. I also intend to decorate, change the look and hopefully their memories of the place. Fingers crossed.
Try not to put to much pressure on yourself take your time your children will be happy to have mommy back they shaved my hair off on the right side that's why I wouldn't go to the hairdresser ! Good luck for tomorrow I will be thinking of you but just be kind to yourself xxxx
Thank you so much for your lovely encouraging and understanding message. I did think of you today, I hope today was a good day for you.
Headway went well. I met some amazing people and it really brought home to me that my family and I have truly experienced a miracle with my extremely fast and full physical recovery. I gave my discharge summary over on arrival as I did not manage to send it in time. And the Headway representatives thought I was accompanying somebody else because I am so well in such a short space of time.
I am taking my daughter to the cinema tomorrow. My son is going fishing with my dad, his favourite activity and person to spend time with. Do you have anything planned for the rest of the week or Easter Weekend?
I sincerely hope that you are well and having at least a good day.
Take care my lovely,
Vikki
Hello danger 19 I'm so glad headway went well for you it sounds like it's really lifted you up .we've been and bought Easter eggs today for our grandkids they are 11 and twins boy and girl going on 20 !! As you can imagine !! I used to be a chocolate addict but since my brain anarysum I can't stand chocolate tastes like salt !!!where we live theirs lots of lovely walks by the river with ducks and swans hopefully if the weather is nice we will go their and take my partners sister who is 86 she's lovely and very kind to us i love looking after her helping her as best I can with meals shopping and her hospital appointments that keeps me going and takes my mind off my issues we see her every day the kids will come the weekend for their Easter eggs and it's going to be nice weather .I'm so glad today went well for you nothing better than a good chat Take care XX julie
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