I GIVE UP

I GIVE UP

I can't take it no more:

Mum and dad scared of what I'll do next

My anger and hatred

My short fuse

The arguments

The depression

Not being able to trust myself

Not being able to remember the basic things

I've had enough, it's all piled up on me and it's suffocating me, dragging me down, pulling hard and I can't fight it anymore.

Just want to go, I'm no use to anybody here, they don't trust me and are scared to talk to me no matter what I am like mood wise.

What am I meant to do, I've hit rock bottom and I'm struggling to get back up

The fake smile shows again, the empty shell looks full but has list everything.

15 Replies

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  • I can reletate to your symptomd i find that when im feeling like that i like it best by mysrlf even if it means sitting in kitchen for5min to chill out normally i spend all do thow:-) dont be so hard on yourself remeber jesus loves you try and say a little prayer i find it helps

  • Hello again Zoe2345

    The girl I see in your picture is a very beautiful young woman, like richey said, please don't be so hard on yourself... Not sure if I mentioned last time about how low things had got for myself & I tried to end my life about 4 weeks ago, I was taken to A&E. I had hit my rock bottom & just couldn't cope any longer, I was taken to a psychiatric unit which opened my eyes to lots, but more than anything there were lots of staff that were there to help me, all I did was sleep the whole time I was there as was completely worn out from everything & I think I just shut down. I spent a week in there & have been referred onto my local crisis team now. Now I'm not telling you to do what I did in anyway at all but, what I'm really urging you to do is if things are so bad for you, is go to your local A&E. You will not be left in the waiting room & they will take you somewhere quiet & take how you are feeling very serious, now I don't know where you live so I'm not sure how your local mental health team works but, I have since I left the unit been given a crisis support worker & I also have a card with numbers of local teams that work 24/7 that I can call if I am feeling as terrible as I did, you can just talk to them, sometimes that's all it takes, having someone that won't judge you on the other end of the line. The numbers I have are for, this is what is printed on my card that sits by my phone beside my bed, Need Help Urgently, TRUST, Telephone Response for Urgent Support and Talk. now as I live in part of North Essex partnership crisis resolution and home treatment service their number is 0845 038 0030 but I'm sure wherever you live if you call them they will be able to put you in touch with you local group & give You the help you so desperately are in need of.

    I hope this has been of some help to you. I urge you to Just take little steps one day at a time, which is what I've been told to do. I cannot worry about tomorrow, it's all I can do is manage a day at a time.

    Thinking of you & wishing you well.

    Love Valerie xx

  • Please please talk to Headway, talk to your friends, talk to anyone. Your photo shows a beautiful young girl, with all of your life ahead of you.

    You have all the time in the world to find a new way of life, a new you, happiness and fulfilment.

    That word....time! We all hear it over and over again. Sadly it does take time, but we have to have patience, and things will get better.

    My husband is nearly 60, and he was given such a poor outcome after his SAH and stroke, which caused horrible seizures too. He lost everything he loved. The ability to play his beloved golf, his ability to drive his beloved car, he was unable to walk, make decisions, feed himself etc. etc. This was nearly 2 years ago.

    Today he has played 2 games of golf, is hopefully only months away from driving again, walking with a stick, and doing almost all of the things he used to do. Ok its all different, but life is 100 times better than we could ever have expected.

    He doesn't have his whole life ahead of him, we are getting old now, but we can enjoy whatever time we have left.

    Please, please don't give up. Don't let what has happened to you win. Keep battling, you will get there. Just let someone help you.

    I look forward to reading more from you very soon, telling us how life is getting better.

    Take care, Lots of love, Molly x

  • it's difficult to imagine that it won't be that way forever when you're in it. so so so difficult because all you've got is now and it takes up everything in your head and makes you feel hopeless. being at rock bottom really does get better. slowly, yes, but eventually. right everything down. i used word documents because typing is faster and they can be easily adjusted, deleted, read back on. definitely important to be in your own space, going for walks and looking up (gravity stops droopy faces unexpectedly well), maybe leave notes for your family because talking can be really difficult, carry around a little notebook in your pocket to date and make notes of everything you need to, star jumps are good distractions, reading similar peoples stories at least gives you momentary hope (until you forget it, course :)).

    it'll really get better. read people's stories on here. it's amazing how it can calm you instantly to read something that someone else has felt. you ain't alone, mate.

  • Hi go to your gp he or she can refer you it took kings collage hospital London over 2 years to agree with me and family I was like that after my Abi which I had 5 yeasts ago it took another 1 year to get support of 2 different helpers for occupational. Therapy and soeach therapy. Your doctor or consoltent at hospital shoul refer you to counciling. From headways or local councilers to talk this over I can

    Sympathise with you 100% my thoughts are with you also my 81 year old mum won't accept my brain problems and never will I look ok but am not take care xx

  • Hi Zoe, like all on here wish you the best, your probably the same age as my 2 daughters and they saw me hit rock bottom and hit them so hard too, family hit hardest!!! like you it was so incredibly difficult but somehow day by day may seem forever but they do go and there is always hope, just hard to believe and see, but by your pic and the way you talk and put your points across you have to believe at some stage sometime it will work for you, I hit rock rock bottom through everything, obviously still have terrible days, but now have good ones, please keep with it, support is here and with headway. Take care.

  • Talk to someone ... The Samaritans may not be BI specialists but they are a great resource and when all other services are closed over the weekend they are there 24/7 365 days a year. They will not judge or try to make light of your situation they will simply listen... and sometimes that can really help. Nobody else is going to 100% understand what you are going through but there are people out there who can help...all you need to do is reach out to them ... and then accept what help they can offer...

    I think we pretty much all can identify with hitting rock bottom...I took my own advice and called the Samaritans when I hit RB... The call lasted for almost an hour and I just sobbed incoherently down the phone line for 50 of those 55 minutes. It really helped. It is different for each of us but we all somehow clawed our way back from our own personal hell pit. This stuff is not easy and nobody can promise you it will get better soon or fast but hang in there and you will find a way.

    Be gentle with yourself.

  • Ooh Zoe what a beautiful girl you are. You look so much like my daughter. Don't despair love, keep strong and as everyone on here says, seek help. Either your doctor or Headway. I think you really need someone to talk to. Every case is different but my daughter didn't actually know that she was being nasty or snappy with me until I would say 'Victoria please don't speak to me like that' I know she was suffering but I had to point out when she was being mean. She has been on mild anti depressants since last October and WOW what a different person she is. Please please go see your doctor and see what he recommends. Let us know how you get on. Much love Jo xxx

  • aww zoe sorry to hear that I feel like that but we have to , try talking things through with maybe a physciatrist if you can and maybe try and count to ten go for a walk or something. I know its hard. I feel like I have to smile even though I don't feel like it. And others sometimes don't even think there is anything wrong. be as you said I feel like a empty shell too. But for my childs sake I have to be strong. I use to have a long fuse and now a short fuse. I don't like myself for it. you take care and try and be strong it isn't easy I know.

  • It sounded like you were doing so well before, but yes, life has a habit of kicking back just when you get some hope. If they have put you on new medication then that can take a while to kick in, together with side effects while it does.

    Are there any local Headway groups near you?, you would probably benefit from some contact with people who understand. We are all here for you on the forum, but it can be quite amazing to meet people in person and just be able to relax your defences in the knowledge that they understand.

    You look so sophisticated with those specs! You'd certainly be a hit at our local group.

    Chin up, recovery is a long road, but its worth the journey, Dev

  • ADHD is a prospect now, that means more f**kin meds, they make me confused and out of it. But if it makes me focus then I suppose I should go for it

  • Zoe, I'm guessing that the medication that is making you feel foggy, is either an anti depressant, an anti anxiety, or an anti seizure med. They can all cause confusion, especially when you have a head injury. Unless you have had a seizure and your EEG reads seizure activity, taking seizure meds just to calm you down when you have had a brain injury, never works. Just makes you more confused, which can lead to more outbursts. Also unless you had a depression or anxiety problem, prior to your injury, meds are not going to help get rid of post injury sadness.

    ADHD meds shouldn't make you feel confused, but will instead help to focus more. I know all about taking too much medicine, and how it makes you feel confused. Next time that you see the doctor, maybe ask him politely if he could possibly change, out the ADHD medicine wt another med that makes you feel tired and out of it. Ask him honestly, if he or she thinks that you are doing better on all of these meds, and tell him that you are willing to try the ADHD med, if he takes you off one of your other meds.

    You are very with it, if you are able to see that meds are only causing you confusion, this early on after your injury. BTW very cool specs. I always seem to have trouble finding glasses I like, but you where those well :)

  • Well sometimes you just have to push thought the side effects (on top of everything else) to see if the meds work. If they don't then its try again until they find one that works.

    As an alternative to meds, did they suggest meditation? It can be effective for ADHD. The idea is that you can train your mind to be in the present moment and not be affected by past events or plans for the future. The more you practice, the longer you can keep in the present moment. As you progress, you begin to realise just how much you are affected by the past and future, as well as becoming more able to live in the present moment. Worth considering it if they can find you somewhere that does guided meditation sessions.

    I had a lot of trouble getting started with meditation until I came across a guided introduction using the rather light-hearted "two shopping bags" technique. I'll dig out the link if you are interested.

    Dev

  • Agree totally with Dev on the meds front...sometimes it is necessary and worth it to push through the side effects of new medications as they often settle after a while...but if side effects are having a negative impact after that please do not suffer in silence go back and tell them and see what other options are available.

    The other med of course is meditation... I will be the first to admit that when I first tried meditation techniques I felt a complete and total twit...but it is amazing how useful they can be for relaxing and focussing and for general well being.

    I really hope that this thread is giving you a feeling of the level of support you have here...we are all behind you giving you a shove and beside you if you need a shoulder to lean on and in front of you offering a hand up...because that is what survivors do...we need support, someone sees our need and helps us, down the road we see another in need of support and we pass it along... Together we get there in the end.

  • Yes, what your getting is common brain injury symptoms. You should consider contacting your local brain injury charity called headway and see if you can speak to someone there it would be worth every moment speaking with them and they will listen to your problems.

    Mike

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