Finding it difficult to not get frustrated helping my friend with his brain inury.

[guitarlady]

Hi everyone,

My friend collapsed into the road just over 2yrs ago and sustained a TBI. After coming out of hospital after a month we've had to find any help ourselves which has been mainly me. I've found out so much about things to do with this from this site.

Neither of us have any close family or friends who can help with anything so I've got him Meals on Wheels, medication get delivered, Attendance Allowance, Care Connect and he goes to a nice daycentre for 3 hrs on a Tuesday. Also he comes out with me to the park most days to play with my two dogs. I arranged for a carer to come to help with cleaning his flat for 2hrs a week as he finds some cleaning hard to do. I do his finance stuff a bit and we've got LPA's done.

The doctor on our last visit had arranged for him to have a headscan and I know he's worried about this but I told him it's better to know if something perhaps is getting worse and he's been getting really slow and tired most days by mid morning.

I don't want to just walk away from him as I'd still worry about him and we do try to have a few days on our own which does help. I think I get to a stage where I'm tired doing a lot for him and it feels like he's just getting more miserable and then I tell him I don't like the way he speaks to me.

I wondered if anyone one else in a simialr situation has any other things I could try which I might not have thought of.

Thanks, Brenda

[Pairofboots]

Hi Brenda, first thing to remember you are a good friend. Everyone has their limits of being able to cope.

Please phone the Headway helpline, contact details are pinned to this page, they can help you with getting support for your friend, but also help for you.

What you are feeling is understandable, but you need more support to prevent things getting any worse.

Best wishes 🍀

[guitarlady in reply to Pairofboots]

Thank you I'll do that. I've only had a brief contact with them awhile ago and was told that my friend would have to wait for someone to come out to him as they were very busy and we never followed it up. He wasn't able to travel the 30 miles to our nearest Headway for their sessions. He's recently had some telephone counselling sessions by Vitaminds (I think) but he said some was useful but I don't think he's using what they suggested. Think he's finding everyday stuff a lot at the moment. Best Wishes.

[Pairofboots in reply to guitarlady]

It's worth pushing forward with Headway, they do seem a little difficult to get through to at the moment, but keep trying. You could try emailing them. They do come out to see if the service is appropriate, or relevant support for both of you. If they feel he would benefit, they will arrange funding, and help to arrange appropriate transport if required. 🍀

[guitarlady in reply to Pairofboots]

Thanks I'll try to contact them tomorrow. Will try to put an update here on how it goes when I have.

[Skallagrigg]

You are a good friend that's obvious, maybe organise you,re time so you get quality time on your own to do something? Then when you next see him you can divert him to talking about what you have done,seen etc may give him a boost and maybe its something you could do together one day , you,ll feel refreshed and stronger to deal with his grumpy momentsI constantly cut through my son when he starts being grumpy, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't lol

[guitarlady in reply to Skallagrigg]

Hi, thanks for your reply. Yes I'm,thinking along these lines. We used to be members of a local 50+ sports club where we played short tennis which we enjoyed. Sadly my friend has been advised not to play probaly due to his dizziness a bit and he might have another slip and the floor is pretty hard but he could go along for a chat with our friends there. Due to Covid it's been off but has now started up again and I'm thinking about oing back. It's on Tuesday and Thursday. Also you can have a swim as part of it so I hope to do that too.

My friend has his daycentre on Tuesday but could come along on a Thursday and meet people while I'm playing if he wants to. I'm a bit behind as I've been really tired for around 3 months now so have been doing thing very slowly! I think I'm getting a it better now though. Also I bought a nice bike from a friend so hope to go out for a ride soon which I used to enjoy.

I also have had a fox family visiting my garden since last year and I bought a wildlife camera and enjoy watching the videos it takes of them. It's proving to be a really nice hobby as I love wildlife.

I asked my friend yesterday why he hasn't put any of the ideas the counsellor want through with him but I think he just finds everything hard. He likes coming out to the park twice a day with my dogs so we can still do that. I think you're right about doing things a bit more that I enjoy too. He likes to help with doing things around my house like painting and we've made a new planter for my garden. He does get tired quite quickly but I help him too.

It's a strange thing with his grumpyness as sometimes I can see it coming when I see he's tired but another time he just comes out with things which upset me without me even saying anything. When I ask him doesn't he know it upsets me he says sometimes he sort of knows he's said something but it's too late.

From what I've read on this site the brain is certainly very very complex and any injury has some big effects on the person and also the people around them and isn't easy to deal with that's for sure.