Hello there everybody out there, I was hoping to ask you a question.
Our family had our eldest dog Hudson put to sleep a few days ago. He was an old gentleman and we, I believe, picked the right time to let him go. All of us have been dealing with it - the loss - our house feels a lot quieter now he is gone.
But a couple of days ago my husband made a comment that has stayed in my mind and bothers me. He says that he's "surprised" at my outward reaction, in that it doesn't seem to have "effected me that much". We've just talked about it and it has certainly effected him strongly - he lost his mum recently and he freely admits that that might have influenced him here.
So the issue I have is wondering whether my TBI has influenced me here. I was never much of a crier before my head injury, but I've only cried once in the 16 years since it happened. That doesn't bother me that much, but it's certainly strange.
But I *do* feel very sad about Hudson not being with us. I'm taking time to accomodate the change. I can't of course, tell whether if I hadn't had my TBI whether I would be any different now.
I'd really love to hear other people's experience here. whether they'd see themselves as emotionally blunted since their injury X
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saville75
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I'm sorry for your loss Lucy. Not everyone identifies with the grief from loss of a pet, but I've grieved for animals too many times over the years.
Pre my brain injury, tears came naturally with the pain of loss, whether it be a person or beloved animal. But since the BI, any sadness, however deep, is internalized and I appear (some say) aloof & unaffected.
Mine was a frontal lobe ABI and I was warned of emotional stunting early on, but I never expected I'd be trying to force tears in order to fit in with social expectation. I turn sad events over & over in my mind, maybe looking for reasons ........... where there probably aren't any.
But, although anger (from pain or loss of certain skills) comes freely, other emotional displays are very much a thing of the past.
Fortunately, my family researched brain injury effects within days of the haemorrhage and tell me they know exactly what's going on inside my head. . . .
Be yourself Lucy ; we can't spend our lives excusing ourselves for what fate dished out.
hi cat you sound so much like me as in anger and frustration being certainly the emotion that I feel and show the most .. I wasn’t lucky enough to to have family read up on TBI or even remember what I’ve have told them in my pathway though the last 4 years .. even reading this reply has made me angry that my family have not looked into that I’ve had at all .. actually my husband ! Four sons only know what I’ve told them .. sorry this sounds very miserable but the emotional deadness is still big on my list of what I dislike .. Sue 🥴
My son and daughter were traumatised on hearing I was critically ill. My daughter coped by getting to the crux of stuff (talked with doctors, researched SAH online and found Headway) whereas my son was withdrawn and just wanted to be with me and massage my hands to ease my agitation. It's been just us three since they were kids, so a strong bond.
Other family don't acknowledge it. Maybe it's denial in many cases. The facts may be just just too scary for folk to think about, making it a taboo subject. But, you say though Sue, it's sad that our fatigue and poor tolerance of demanding situations is often construed as aloof or miserable.
I think loved ones often struggle with change though, and don't want to believe we're changed ?
Brain injury is a classic example of 'It takes one to know one' . . . . .. . . . . .and thankfully we have Headway.
Yes you are right Cat . I’ve had a morning of writing to the GP , talking to my husband ( shouting at times ) and writing and reading on here .. the bit you said about fatigue and poor tolerance of demanding situations has helped me realise why I’m still in bed at nearly 2pm and no interest in getting out of bed .. I think Christmas as wiped me out .. it was a good Christmas as well yet I’m even more dead than usual ❤️ your son and daughter felt with you very differently but both helped you .. I’m the one who people turn to and have always helped others when I can , so they don’t always think I need help .. it’s all apart of the process of recovery and excepting a different way of life …Sue x
Yep, same here. But those who I care most about now make a special effort to lighten the load at Christmas. It was always me with a houseful, cooking for everyone as mums do ; now they both happily go along with whatever suits me on the day.
Keep working on the acceptance Sue, bearing in mind the odd "Nope - can't manage that" is fair comment when you're struggling. . . x
Sorry for your loss. I lost my 13yo in Aug 2023 and still struggle with it today, although after a full year grieving I'm just about ready to move on from a difficult final couple of years with him and a traumatic end after a middle of the night trip to the vets. As to the subject of TBI and emotional effects, they are definitely real and no doubt unique to each of us. Some things that upset others bounce off me with little or no effect, and that's the sort of thing that your husband seems to have noticed in you. Then other seemingly insignificant issues can affect me quite badly and linger for a long time. 20 years ago my first dog died (heart attack) in our front room at just 5yo. I was totally wrecked emotionally & my mum said that she had never seen me like that. It was pretty irrational behaviour and definitely TBI induced.
suffered Traumatic Bain injury in 2000 divorce, death of mum n dad, niece. I am emotionally numb . However 3 months ago following loss of closest niece would suddenly cry. Astonished to find after 24 years rewires brain is discovering some emotions?!! On anti depression tablets now, last took them after being pinned to canteen floor with gun at back of my head!! Oh well, improving?!! Just smile to spite it!!
first of all I am so sorry to hear about Hudson. It’s incredibly sad when a much loved dog has to be put to sleep even if they have had a full life and a dignified death, they are so missed.
Personally speaking if anything I have been the same or more emotional since my TBI not less. I will cry at sad films and my empathy is strong so I very much feel what others display or describe. I also cry with joy at times when I feel overwhelmed by beauty (countryside or music or whatever) so I cannot say in your case! I was always a ´heart on sleeve` sort of person before though so who knows !?
hi Lucy . Yes this is me totally .. I would cry before tbi but know I understand that it is sad but emotional apart from anger and frustration I’m pretty much dead … I’ve had a cat and dog put to sleep in the last couple of years and watched my husband holding the dog Archie in tears and I knew it was sad but felt nothing .. the cat I wasn’t so close to and actually forgot that I’d had her put down a couple of hours after when I couldn’t remember what I had done in the morning .( this was quite normal with short term memory problems)
This isn’t the old me .. I have had 9 dogs in 52 years , I’ve had puppies with one of them and kept 3 from the litter so had 5 dogs at that time and loved them dearly.. it was one of my puppies who died suddenly who my husband was holding and crying when I realised just how emotional removed I was ..
I am so sorry to her of your loss but thank you for sharing how you are feeling as it has brought to the forefront what I’m struggling with at the moment .. Sue x
Emotional blunting is completely normal. It can often happen when something is too much.. and/or if you’re being brave for others. Your brain blocks the feeling until you are able to accept it.
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