How do you accept ??

In 2014 my husband suffered servia headache for weeks 2 mounths later went on to have 2 bleeds and a ruptured anurisam.

He was verry close to death practically dead actually he thought for life,the day they told us we may need to consider turning machines of he started responding

He was in hospital mounths and in June 2016 finished 18 mounths of rehabilitation

He's some physical problems like right sides weekness and slightly blind but his cognegitive defects are the worst his memory is practaclly non existent

He's littritly a different person it's like the man 2 years ago died that night and we was given a new one,one we just have to have

It's a strange feeling one that no one else understands to everyone else my husband survived and is hear to tell the tale .but it is not him !!

He's had his 2 year post medical and prognosis and although he shudnt get any worse he will not get any better what we have is what we have

Don't get me rong I'm so so grateful he survived and he's home now with me and are 5 children so in a way I like to think iv eccepted what's happened and getting on with life but there's still something I just Carnt get over it all it littritly haunts me

The docters have said he's a very unheard of strange case as although he's mobile can do most things for himself wailk tailk all that stuff he's cognegitive function is one of the worse he's seen

There that much brain damige he itha wouldn't of expected him to be alive or if he was be servialy mentally and physically disabled

From the part of the brain that's damiged he shudnt be wailking or tailking but he can and if you don't no him unless you had a long conversation with him you wouldn't no ther was anything rong

But how av you all come to terms with it and moved forwould with life

Ps sorry about the spelling xx

6 Replies

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  • Hi fayb88, in similar situation were my dad has had cardiac arrest and has been left very brain damaged, but can walk and talk dress himself etc but he hardly has any memory at all, and is continually confused.

    Before this happened 6 months ago, my dad has always run his own business and been very on the ball but now he can't even cross the road, and forgets where he is constantly thinking it's somewhere else.

    I think me, my mum and the whole family are still really in shock, still six months later, and I would say every couple of days, when I have a chance to sit and think about what has happened to him, and the state he is in I cry my eyes out as I miss my dad.

    He definitely is not the same person he was before his heart stopped, and on good days we get snippets of the person he used to be and think that keeps me going. When I think back to the moment when I seen him dead on the floor and they couldn't restart his heart, I remember the feeling of how bad life would be without him here at all, and makes me realise that even on the worst days, that as his daughter, it still means the world to see his little face and give him a big kiss.

    Life is definitely cruel sometimes, and can't help feel that way everyday why my dad, and feel guilty for feeling that way because we still have him. These things definitely make us stronger as a person, as some days feel like I'm mentally drained with the sadness of what has happened to him , but at least at the end of the day, it makes this bad situation feel ok for the good moments we have when we can hug, kiss them, and tell them we love them.

    I hope you are ok, and stay strong, and as they say, you don't know how strong you are, until being strong is your only option 😊X

  • Because this is what I have got. I either make the most of what I can do and strive for more or I might have well died when they thought I should.

    It's not easy I know, but we all have to play the hand we are dealt in life. I'm striving to reinstate a different future and on the way I have to be grateful for what I have.

    Some people have to deal with issues like these all their lives, I take my hat off to them, they are wonderful people. I had a "normal" life for many years and am eternally grateful for that.

    Now, I owe it to all those professionals who strived and worked so hard to save me to live the rest of my life in the best possible way.

    So Fay, you have come so far, with 5 children it must be so difficult for you, your life will have changed beyond recognition. Have you had counselling? After such a life changing episode it is necessary, and it may be for your children too, they are in this journey too, needing that support is not a weakness, so please seek it out if you haven't already. Your GP will help with that.

    And come back whenever you need to, that is what we are here for.

    Best wishes

    Janet x

  • Oh Fayb88, I feel for you. My husband was left like this nearly 30 years ago. Like your man, no one not knowing him well would realise there was anything wrong. Do be aware though, that he may still make a little progress. Build on everything he can do, even if it is only doing a simple puzzle, remind him of things over and over so that he can (hopefully) begin to learn how to remember. It must be so hard with 5 children but maybe he can learn along with them, maybe they can play 'remembering' games with him.

    I can't tell you how to learn to live with this 'new man' you have been given. I have found it so hard over the years and often want to run away and have my life back. However, it was not the husbands' fault that this happened to them. The hardest part for me (probably for you too) is that my husband is convinced that there is nothing wrong with him.

    I do wish you all the best in your new life, it is hard. Do try to keep a life for yourself, too. See friends, go out. Can you get respite care to take the kids away somewhere, even if just to stay with a friend for a few days, just to give you all a break. As someone suggested, counselling does help. You can say anything to a stranger, let them know how much you hate the life you have been given, etc. Although they can't wave a magic wand, just talking can help. Don't forget you can tell us anything on here and we will all understand.

    Do contact me if I can help at all.

    Jan

  • Thank you for your replays

    Iv not had counsiling no but my children have had some in school ther all under 11 years old

    My husband is the same dose not think ther is anything rong with him at all I suppose sometimes that's a good thing

    He's to have 24 hour supivison wich I give him,he will not have anyone come in and help as he dosnt understand why he needs "baby sitting"

    We still do normal things i.e. Take the children on holidays trips out etc but boy is it hard work now the only thing they see that's different is ther dad cannot go to work no more and I gave my job up to care for him 24/7 other than that try to keep evry as normal as possible

    Again thanks for your replays

    I'm 28 from Leeds uk

  • Whatever you do, please look after yourself, you can't afford to go down, so make sure you ask/demand help when you need it. Would your husband go outwith a helper if it was put the right way? A Headway worker took a couple of us on little walks, arranged to meet in town for a coffee. Made me think of a blind dog training person. Going out on the bus or down the shop to choose some food.

    As time goes on things will be more settles, you will have lots of coping systems and routine set up.

  • I had never saw so many people i kept thinking gosh didnt realise i had so many friends i must be a good person x didnt know everyone had been told to day goodbye to me it was unlikely id survive surgery but i did its so hard to explain whats going on in your head ot must be hard for you x but its so much harder for him to deal with if he s like me dont no wether im coming or going but put a front on and coping but deep down of im strong makes others feel better be patient with him xxx

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