So it looks like we're finally getting a diagnosis...

[19KMcG87]

Hi guys... I'm sorry I've not posted for months - between illness, hospital, boys, lack of control, family (so called) and friends (so called) and finding appropriate home help I've been rather bogged down.

But things are starting to settle down/I think I reached a new level of breaking last night and I am just..... so out of control and feel there is nothing I can do or say to have any effect - particularly to let me feel better!

Sorry I'm rambling as per usual.... the past few months have been especially hard with my husband, like it's just him and our two boys and I'm just 'there'. I help out, I try to keep my husband happy by making my own life... I've been walking on eggshells for a while but there's still glimpses of him.

Initially he was diagnosed with PTSD - I have PTSD and know a few who do, I know everyone is different and suffers differently but I knew it wasn't PTSD. Finally he's come round to see someone again, and last night told me that he's most likely a psychopath. He's scared out of his wits by it, but it's what I suspected. I'm so scared for our boys, and even though all I want is to help and be there for him, in reality I just want him gone. No one to speak to, they've all got there own crap going on (as I know everybody does.) I even feel awful coming on here and spouting as I've been a rubbish support for anyone on here so why should I get support back?

Anyhow that's me filling up with tears so I'll stop now and get back to my boys!

Thanks x

[paxo05]

Hi there. See you've been taking it easy then.....joke joke. Bad taste I know but if you have been battling for a while then seem to get a grip on it it should her easier. It should ...But like my wife noticed it doesn't.

I like the " so called" mmmm nice to see who cares in rough times. I suppose it sorts the people who really care though.

As for your husbands diagnosis as abeing psychopathic. It may not sound quite as bad. It doesn't mean he is going to go on a murder spree.

It could be self destructive...once again doesn't mean he will harm

On a positive he has been diagnosed and can now seek help and treatment.

As with bi there are several forms and shades....Not all grey ....yep another bad pun.

It will get better...Just don't know when.

Keep in there.

And once again sorry for trying to be funny ( ha ha type).

Pax.

[19KMcG87 in reply to paxo05]

Thanks Pax, 17 years (11 with him) is a long time trying to make the best out of the situation perhaps - but yes I'll do what I do best and persevere! Oh it's all in the fun isn't it?!

[paxo05 in reply to 19KMcG87]

I've managed to put my wife through 18 years so far...ok I probably put her though a different he'll 12 years previous to that.

Hey what are husbands for, and I take my role seriously.

Ok the first 8-10 years post bi were really bad. Either that or she's become emune to my various moods.

Keep doing what you do best.

Pax x

[Dadog]

Hi again. I remember your last post.....and don't get to thinking you are 'rubbish support' and that you are 'spouting'. This is where you look to get support. Maybe we can't help a lot but we can listen and try. Who knows, we might need support ourselves sometime - and you might be the one listening.

It is sad that all you can do to help is to 'make room' for your husband, after trying so hard in other ways. Yes, he is obviously in a bad place and hopefully he is getting regular and professional help. It is so easy for those with this illness to reject and even lay off their unhappiness on those nearest and dearest to them. If this is happening, you are right, unhappily, to make room and give him space. Never forget that this situation is also very much about you too.

So hard to give much practical advice or help Your qwn mental state is certainly not being helped by all this. Make sure you have access to help or counselling. You deserve and earn it. if it helps, come on here and 'spout' as much as you like....we're listening!

Shame we can't give you a hug...take care of those boys.

xx

[19KMcG87 in reply to Dadog]

Thank you Dadog - I hope now I can drive again, and get to ordering a new car, I'll find it much easier to deal with feeling less out of control, trapped and dependent! Thanks for listening 😊

[iforget]

I am tired and not sure what to say but I wanted to let you know that you are heard here too and I wish you and your boys the life you deserve.

[19KMcG87 in reply to iforget]

Thank you I hope you get some rest this evening

[peaches2]

What a lot to be going through, I feel for you, please do not ever think it's spouting to come on here and tell your story, your worries, your fears, etc etc, that is what we use this place for....it's for venting, sharing news, getting advice or even just to help us get through another day....so keep doing that. Anybody in your shoes would be the same, wondering exactly what way to turn next but you're doing it, you're plodding on like a warrior!

I bet you are just as scared as your husband is and quite rightly so, as it's the unknown again, the next step along the journey that you would never choose to be on!

It sounds to me like you'll manage this situation, whatever it takes and whatever way you choose to go as you're already on top of it by being able to see the worries that are arising from the diagnosis etc etc.

You must be exhausted by now and that certainly doesn't help.

Please remember that you need to do things for yourself too, for your own sanity, your journey is a two way thing and if you don't look after yourself, you'll be no use to anyone.

I understand why you are feeling the way you are feeling, it's natural to be at the end of your tether with it all but do please look after yourself and always vent on here to these lovely people as we are all on here for that very same reason!

Maybe it would be good for you to have your own appointment with somebody professional that understands entirely what needs your husband has and they could help to put your mind at ease as to what the best approach is when dealing with your husband....that way it might make you worry a little less about this new diagnosis?

Anyway I'll go now but please, please look after yourself and yes it's at times like this that you do find out who the real friends/family are!

Chin up! Best wishes.

xx

x