Trying to help my friend who had a TBI in April 2019

[guitarlady]

Hi all,

My friend who is 69, collapsed a fell into the road outside his house in April 2019. He had a Traumatic Brain Injury, spent a week in ICU in a induced coma and a further 3 weeks in hospital before getting discharged to come home. He had a visit daily for 2 weeks from the discharge team who got him a shower seat, walking frame and kitchen trolley. I've got him his meds being delivered and meals on wheels mon-fri. He comes out daily to walk my dogs with me. His right ear was damaged in the fall and after going to ENT he was told he has inner ear concussion which is irrepairable but can be helped with a hearing aid. Hopefully he'll have these within the next month. He gets very tired most days which he's been told is part of the injury. I try to help him but get upset when he gets nasty with me after we've done things like gone out. He hasn't got any close family so I try to do some things as otherwise he's got no help. We had a social worker come last Friday for a care assessment but he's said he doesn't think my friend would get any care help from them. He can however, get help through a care agency to have someone take him to the shops and check he's keeping his house clean. There's been a lot of waiting and it's seemed to have taken ages to have got this far and most days I feel like there's no-one to talk too. I've read a lot of the posts on this site and found them very helpful. This is my first post and I thought it might help someone else to ask for ideas.

[Hidden]

Hi sounds like a difficult situation, there's no money in the system to help the majority of people in the recovery stage. The TBI was in April so this is the very early stages, there will be a lot of changes happening. Many of these will manifest over the first year. It's really important to get on top of the fatigue element, he needs to sleep alot.

Importantly he needs to accept the reality of the situation, 'you don't wake up one day and feel better', this is a true saying.

How to get help. I think it would be a good idea to get in touch with your local headway group for support and advice relating to TBI. It's important to understand the brain injury. He is 69 so contact the age related charities for help and support. Contact the CAB for help with finances etc. Also find out if there is a solicitor that deals with community/social issues in your area. They are funded and deal with issues relating to government / local government agencies and whether they are providing the right services. The CAB would know about this and other agencies that could help.

Good luck.

[guitarlady in reply to Hidden]

Hello, thank you very much for your reply. I have been in contact with Headway in Bristol which is the one which is for our area. The lady from there who came to see us both said to ask for a Social worker to come and do a care assessment and possible financial assessment to see if my friend can access any care and how much is would cost him. The social worker came to us last Friday 23/07/19 and did the assessment. He did tell us that from the answers my friend gave him he doesn't think they can provide free care although he can contact Alliance Care to get help with a carer to go shopping and check his flat is being cleaned. My friend rang them yesterday, once they mentioned the costs I think he got confused as they told him to ring our local council care number. I rang them just to clarify and they did say he'd have to contact a care agency. Alliance Care is monitored by Social Services. We had another argument as he just doesn't want to do anything to help himself or me! So I don't know what to do. Am going to ring our contact in Headway today and see if she can suggest anything. I don't want to walk away and not help my friend but I think some other help apart from me might help towards him getting more independent where with me he says he's listening and will do things but he doesn't. I found some unpaid invoices on my visit last week which I've sorted now and he says he tried to pay by phone, but had a problem with it then just put them in a pile on a chair. I'll post how we get on.

[Hidden in reply to guitarlady]

Hi I understand the piles of invoices and paperwork. Make an appointment with the CAB asap to seek advice on these issues, they will give you details of other services. Don't listen to the government agencies directly, they operate in a totally negative culture especially where TBI is concerned because people look and sound quite normal. This case will probably involve getting the medical evidence from a doctor and the CAB or community solicitor will have to put pressure on the services providers to act. Prepare to go round and round in circles ticking boxes.

Try to get a referral to see a neuro-psychologist to detail the cognitive issues affecting your friend, this can help a great deal. He may have information processing problems that most people can't see.

I know this from experience, once it's written on paper from the correct source the agencies start jumping through hoops to provide the correct service as much as they can.

As for you and your friend's relationship, he probably does not know what's really happening and is trying to soldier on thinking everything will get better. The best thing is to say hello and see if he is ok, once you see the CAB they will deal with the financial side of things, if he does get into money troubles the CAB will sort it out but remember you will need medical evidence, a letter from the GP explaining will do to get started. Also get a headway card, many service providers brick themselves when they see it and do the right thing.

[guitarlady in reply to Hidden]

Hi, thanks for your reply. Where do you get the Headway card from? Do I have to ask the person from Headway I'm in contact with?

[Hidden in reply to guitarlady]

The details are on the headway web pages

[FridayS]

Hello there. how lovely of you to help your friend at such a difficult time. As Pinkvision has said, Headway would be a good start. You could also try the RVS (Royal Voluntary Service) who offer Community Companions and Good Neighbours schemes where a volunteer will offer companionship and support much as you are doing. Good luck.

[guitarlady in reply to FridayS]

Hi, thank you very much for your reply. I've been looking at the RVS site for help around my area. Haven't read everything yet but it look interesting. Will post how I get on.