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Headway
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Took half day at work due to break down

My partner has a BI and I'm not his carer. He had the BI many many years before we got into a relationship. I've been with him for 5 years and on good days he's great - wouldn't know he has a BI at all. On his bad days he struggles with communication, he's angry, he thinks I'm angry, he snaps at the smallest things and he does it without even realising he's being nasty to me.

Today he got me so bad with his snapping and anger that I broke down crying on my way to work and couldn't compose myself. I had to come back home. I've been crying for 2 hours straight. He's since called me to apologise and he's back to his normal self. But I'm still upset and to make it worse today was the one day I couldn't take off from work and now all I've been able to tell my boss is that I need the morning off for "personal reasons". I'm worried I sound like a total slacker but I'd feel like a total traitor to my partner if I explained why I needed the morning off.

I don't have any support for myself. I can't talk to his family because to be frank they're not a close family and they look down on him. I can't talk to my family about it because they'd worry about me and think he's not good for me. I've spoken to a psychologist and the advice I got was that I chose this so I have to accept it.

I've found myself starting to point his communication issues out to him more and more like a bossy parent or like lecturing him - which is not how I should be acting myself - it's not good for either of us or our relationship.

Has anyone here had issues at work because of your loved one's BI affecting you?

5 Replies
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What makes you feel like a traitor if you tell your boss your partner (who had a brain injury) was having some problems ? Thats the truth and you don't need to explain further .

It sounds like you need a friend you can talk to and let off steam. Well you'llfind plenty of people here who will listen though perhaps you could also share your feelings with one of your social friends?

X

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You really need some tlc yourself.

It wouldnt be traitorous to tell your boss, youd tell him if it was a different illness.

We have to start with ourselves here, BI sufferers and carers alike, these brain traumas are nothing to be ashamed of. If you have one you are stuck with it for the rest of your life, so you have to learn to accept it and move on or there is no future.

Sharing helps to relieve the burden of stress we all carry. There but for the grace of god goes everyone in this world, a brain injury can strike at any time.

Please seek out help for yourself. Care for the Carers is one organisation, ring the Helpline on here and ask where you can turn.

You obviously love your partner very much so fight to keep that intact. You say you are not his carer but you are, you look after his wellbeing and you share his life.

Take care of you, you are the best person to do that.

Janetx

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Oh bless you heart. Firstly you have every right to feel whatever you do. It is tough living - or even working with someone whose moods are so unsettled. With a Head injury this is a common problem perhaps because the part of the brain that manages this stuff has been affected. There may be frustration too on his part. Added to this you are trying to manage this on you're own without family support on either side. I am not surprised you became so upset. I hope you have been able to or can seek support from Headway for you and your partner. It sounds like you are both crying out. I am sorry the psychologist kinda dumped it on your head.

Secondly I hope you can share this with a trusted work colleague and manager. You are holding down a job and helping your partner.

I am sending you a big hug 🤗 xxx

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What do you need? Go from there

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Hi there. I can totally relate to what your going through.my husband has a brain injury due to an assault almost 8 months ago. He has just started a return to work last week.he can't drive again yet.now has hearing aid. Tinnitus. No sense of smell. On anti depressants and in a nut shell a completely different man personality wise to the man I married 14 years ago.if I ask him to lay off drink (his coping mechanism) he gets angry and says I am always moaning at him and I make him nervous!! I love him and really really trying my very best but I feel I am ready to snap now.i am his carer and mother but no longer a wife and spend every day crying .it's like I'm grieving and not sure how to move onfrom this.friend's and family mean well but until u are actually living this nightmare it's hard to explain isn't it..

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