When dating is allowed

[spideyman]

When dating is eventually allowed again I always dread the question “So what do you do?”

I’ve told them before that I retired at 18 as work wasn’t for me.

I’ve told them before that I don’t need to work. Doing that usually makes them think you’re rich and they become gold diggers.

If you say you’re on benefits they assume you’re skint and probably take drugs to escape the poverty you must live in.

You can’t win

[Marnie22]

This may be a daft suggestion, but why don't you just say the truth? You don't have to go into details, but you could say that you are unable to work. You don't have to explain your financial situation, that's your business. Either they will be genuinely interested in you as a person or they won't. Either way you will have learnt something valuable about them.

[spideyman in reply to Marnie22]

I usually do but a few yrs ago I was talking to a waitress as I was about to trek across China for Headway.

Her Dad had similar happen to him and he was older and didn’t fare very well. Her mum got money to look after him.

Cut a long story short I ended up moving in with her and her 2 kids.

Transpires she was angling for an allowance to look after me and I didn’t need looking after

[Marnie22 in reply to spideyman]

There will always be people who look to take advantage of others. It's a great shame. Kinda makes me relieved that I am not involved in all that and never really have been.

[Pairofboots]

Tell me about it Spidey. It'll take a special person to take me on these days. The problem also arises that the normal social networks are somewhat restricted.

[Skallagrigg in reply to Pairofboots]

I wish in the dating world it was more a case of who you are not what you are,I,m on here because my son has a brain injury but on dating I come from a scarred by cancer place lol dating would be lovely with the right person but truly good friends are a very close second,

[Pairofboots in reply to Skallagrigg]

Hi. Yes good friends would come a close second, but many of us loss these as well. It is like we are born again in adult bodies, friends scatter to the wind. We are the same but different.

You are a survivor as well, you have the physical scars and there is a big psychological adjustment.

We have the scars on the inside, often our personality doesn't match the original version that friends once knew.

I recently caught up with a friend that I have known for 50 years, on face value we were the same as we were as we met in primary school, but as we walked, he was on tender hooks, waiting for the next stumble. It was only a very short walk, and we finished with a cup of tea. The chat was of a common theme, as old friends have, but the flow was slow and considered. He is a good mate and known me as I have known him through thick and thin.

Our friendship is strong, he was my best man X2, I was his best man. We have hiked hundreds of miles together as young men,shared holidays. We have occasionally spoken on the phone over the years. But this meeting was the first time he had met the new me, and you could see that he had not realised the full magnitude of the change that had happened.

I don't detract from your message, from your survivor story, but who would date a toothless, double incontinent, bloke who couldn't hold your hand on a romantic stroll for twenty yards on the beach. Is there a woman out there?