This is unbelievable and it seems I’m destined to spend the rest of my life single.
Never been married. Never produced kids.
At 18 I suffered a brain haemorrhage on the stem.
Trekked the Great Wall Of China, crewed a schooner to Holland and back, took part in a World record abseil, took part in the Sea Of Hull (google it) ,I’ve even been a chef and volunteer in a foodbank.
All this but as soon as I mention why I don’t work for money, the questions start.
As soon as I mention brain injury it’s like I’ve told them I’ve got a disease and they sack me off.
WHY?
PS I’m now 51 and no deficits
Written by
spideyman
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I have met so many people that have met that special person later on in life. I have also met 10 times as many people whom have met the wrong person earlier in life and have not only wasted their years but become damaged as well.
The right person is out there - just got to find your partner.
I value myself and I’m still waiting for the right one. My brother in law tells me I’m too choosy but I had to point out he is married to my sister and this is his third marriage
I read the info on your page. You sound like a determined and resourceful person. I have only lived with my brain injury for just under five years, so I can't really advise you, but I think it's brilliant how you have kept on doing positive things, especially helping others.
I think a major problem is the lack of awareness around brain injury. I must admit that until it happened to me, I knew very little myself. People need to stop assuming things about those of us with medical conditions etc. and just relate to the person as a person.
I do hope you find that you are looking for. It sounds like you would be a great partner for someone.
The reason 'People' back away, is two fold.... Ignorance, tht leads to Fear, and a 'fundemental' lack of understanding... that Scares people.
Whist some aspects, of the Media, are indeed Very Possitive to Mental 'Illness'- make no mistake that IS what 'most' will think- not everyone is so accepting. (Were not, the likes of Shipman, Neilson, Fred & Rosemary West...Mentally Ill?..... Dare We 'Trust' him?)
My advice and it is, to a large extent what I practice myself, is to not 'Talk About' ANYTHING 'Mental' until YOU know HER...... and SHE knows YOU, far better. I not suggesting that you 'Confess All' on your Wedding Night!.... but maybe start a 'conversation' after a few months, when the Time 'feels right'. She may, very well 'confess' that Great Uncle Fred was a Mental Patient for Thirty Years, before his Death 'last month'.
There was a Drama, some years back now, concerning a Young Man who developed Cancer. The Treatment, whilst successful, caused him to lose ALL his hair. At the Treatment Centre, this young man met a young lady, with whom he wanted a relationship/ friendship. The 'Sticking' point was his 'Baldness'.... in once scene the Girl is running, through a wood.... and HER 'Wig' becomes caught, in some Branches. She looks over, to him, clearly in 'Horror'... to which He removes his Wig too. The two, of them, run towards each other and begin to Kiss, Cuddle, and 'almost' Cry with relief. Both 'Secrets' were out.......
Do you see what I'm Driving at spideyman? YOU are no more, and qite probaly Less, than the average Drunk Teenager.... or Football supporter, for that matter.
If you had two heads, green feet- all ten of them- and smelled of cup cakes.... well then we would be on 'ArtVogal Setti Eight' and I would be offering the SAME advice!
First off ..most people are totally ignorant to what "brain injury/Head trauma" n etc is.They just don't get it because we look fine and we dont have a hump on our backs n drag ourselves around.You will make yourself nuts if u even attempt to explain it..trust me.
As far as "finding the right one"..enjoy life n it will happen.
If ya look..u won't find OR u will find the types u def dont want.
Hi. You’ll be fine mate. Things will fall into place, there definitely is someone for everyone out there, try not to stress and don’t look too hard, she’ll come along when you least expect it.
Can’t share as a singleton but I can share as someone with a brain injury who does not work but has an income due to my brain injury.
I have to fend off the “what I do for a living” question, particularly when you meet new people. It frustrates me how some people define others by their occupation (or, more subtly, how much they might earn from said occupation) but also because some people are genuinely interested in what others do as it may create a connection between them, a common ground, and something to talk about.
I just respond that I used to be a xxx but I don’t work anymore and how I live a full and active life away from work that now fulfils me and gives me adventures. Then I keep chatting about my adventures and how I’m not tied to work routine and free to live my new life. I find people who are genuinely interested then chat about the snippets I’ve given them and I’m defined for how I live my life not what job I do. And these are the ones I open up to about my brain injury and the circumstances around this, and how I am now, and how it impacts on me & others, but also the joy and freedom it’s given me to travel & have new hobbies, and attend festivals & spend quality time with friends and family & free me from the boring draining monotony of world.
This means I keep the right people in my life, those who aren’t interested (or willing and able) to ‘get’ the excitement of free adventure don’t stay around too long but those who do ‘get it’ do stick around. I have a smaller but tighter circle of friends nowadays than I ever had when work consumed me - and I am grateful & appreciative of this.
I feel people are envious of you. Let’s face it, who wouldn’t have your lifestyle and drive and positivity than the slow numbing drain of work routine. Keep doing what you are doing - I’m sure your attitude and love of life will attract the right partner into your life, but give it time & enjoy the search 👍
As well as working in the local foodbank there’s a charity producing free meals for ppl with financial hardship. They’re looking for volunteers and I’m seeing about getting involved
Spent nearly 20 years with a woman i didn't love or particularly like TBH, stayed because of guilt and then kids but finally left a year pre TBI (aged 38) and then 6 months before my TBI I found out what love really is (every cliché song is about us, proper vomit inducing love 🤢😍), and it's been extremely difficult to keep her because I keep pushing her away, on a fortnightly basis!!!
We're still living apart now but because of finding a great therapist, couples counselor and THE BEST MEDICATION i found... Buddhism and weekly guided meditation!!! Were are still trying.
We have to heal ourselves and be a whole person before we can let anyone share our lives.
If the possible suitors walk when told about the brain injury, then great! It wasn't meant to be and keep trying. There are at least 12million suitable partners for you and it sounds like you're a great gregarious adventurous fellow and that's a brilliant character trait.
I just met a fellow TBI 60 year old man who has come to the conclusion that he cannot cope with sharing his life with a partner, because of so many failures, but he is incredibly happy that he's released the pressure!
Sorry if this aint helpful but if you want it then manifest the heck out of it
I have 4 kids and a failed relationship, it sounds like you are living a great life.first be happy with yourself and what you have, I am doing it the other way round and coping with a haemorrhage too, you will never find happiness in children or other people, dont sweat it
I've been married twice, once when I was young and stupid, once when I thought I'd learnt. Well the ex would blame the stroke, I'd say she just wanted an out.
Especially at the moment I do wonder about life alone, no kids etc. But I have to believe that there is some master plan.
I haven't done half the things you have, although I have my own achievements. I try not to compare to others, but as up until my stroke I had always tried to beat the nearest person, be better, do better, I wasn't ambitious, but I chipped away.
Now my worry is being that pile of glob, and giant blue bottles buzzing around, often found when loan people pass.
I'm not belittling your worries, but you have had a full life and many year's to play out, as I hope I do. I haven't got a crystal ball, but who knows what the future has in store, as long as it's not glob and blue bottles.
With all the activities and volunteering you have in mind, it sounds like that's unlikely to happen.
I have been married once - never again. It's not always that great (nor what we are led to believe by the media/press/books). Plenty of people feel bored/pressured/unhappy /comprimised/lonely /trapped in marriages.
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