When dating is eventually allowed again I always dread the question “So what do you do?”
I’ve told them before that I retired at 18 as work wasn’t for me.
I’ve told them before that I don’t need to work. Doing that usually makes them think you’re rich and they become gold diggers.
If you say you’re on benefits they assume you’re skint and probably take drugs to escape the poverty you must live in.
You can’t win.
The truth is actually I volunteer in a foodbank helping needy families
Why not tell them a (very simple) brief account of the truth? Leave out details of your finances, that's shouldn't be an issue if they genuinely want to get to know you as a person. If they don't, then that tells you something about them.
Once you get to know each other, it should hopefully be about each other as people, whatever your personal circumstances. Your volunteering work would be a big plus for the right person I reckon.
I don't know anything about dating, but I believe every kind of relationship involves mutual exploitation to varying extents. For example, each person will provide the other with something that the other wants in return for the other's desires. If you also think that this is true, you should probably consider what it is that you can offer to another person. I'm sure that you do have a lot to offer as it sounds like you enjoy being generous to others from your previous post and your profile.
As I've said before, I don't know anything about this stuff but I do know that we are 'wired' to be social. If you don't know that and would like to know more, you should probably read "Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect" by Matthew D. Lieberman.
Enjoy being on your own like who needs to date and be in a relationship. Enjoy being with friends and meeting people.
I’ve been on my own all my life
I envy you for that I wish I had. I find relationships stressful and miserable. Enjoy meeting people and things will just happen don't think to much. Live in the present don't stress about this that the other waste of time and energy.
I did live on and off with a waitress about 8 yrs ago but she was just after money and wanted me to give up a cottage in the countryside (next door to my mum) and live with her and her 2 kids in a council estate. Tough choice
Lol I bet that took a hell of alot of thinking 💭 lol. I hope you made the right decision. Just be careful there are some truely awful people out that will use you. For that reason I'm staying single by chose.
I paid towards her rent and I still paid my mum rent for the cottage.
My mum sold up and moved out the area. I rented a really nice new build in the next village.
I remember I was in Hull and bumped into her mum. I made sure she knew I lived alone in a really nice house.
Sure enough my exes mum had told her and she rang my mobile telling me her kids had left her and she was declared bankrupt and she was living at her mums. She then asked if she could move in.
I told her she had a nerve and hung up
Have you thought about first dates??
A friend of mine told me I should go on that as I’m very quick at retorts. I’ve applied but heard nothing. I applied for Undateables and had an online interview but that was it.
I’m so good at the retorts I applied for the Weakest Link when it was on and got through the first bit but I think they thought I’d be a liability with my answers
Good on you. I was totally used by my ex what a vile man he was. I think he told me nothing but lies the whole time we were together. I have had numerous relationships since but it comes down to trust. I don't trust anyone and feel like I never ever will. I liken his behaviour to a naraccist. I had a very lucky escape. Its just sad that because of him ill never trust anyone again.
I think you're not alone in feeling that the 'what do you do' question is loaded with difficulty. I worked in an actuaries, and it was a constant lunchtime discussion with the blokes about what they could say they did when they wanted to pick up a girl - because they said saying 'pensions' was a complete turn off - so some of 'em got quite creative with alternatives I recall, and then bragged about having pulled - none of which are at all attractive attributes to women, oddly enough! I can't help speculating that undertakers and other groups have similar lunchtime chats. ( No disrespect to undertakers intended by the way).
I read that the trick to answering the 'what do you do' question when you're worried they'll just glaze over ( try 'financial advisor' on for size by the way...😱) is to find an honest way to explain what it is really 'I help people work out when they can afford to retire' for example - or even better 'I help people work out what they really want out of life, and how they can achieve that' swiftly followed by ' what do you do?' ( see, we all do it). But seriously, the art of this is to be really interested in them, and not to worry about yourself -and I know, we all slip up from time to time....
I worked with actuaries on a few projects .... accruals just made accounts "inaccurate" but arbitrarily tweaking a probability by a fraction of a percent in a model that decided we needed millions more in premiums was "just maths".
I mention this to point out the conversations you'll have to listen to if you go for drinks with actuaries or accountants!
(And just wait until we get started on a new spreadsheet function - it warrants an extra bottle of wine!)
All joking aside, I miss conversation!
Hey, Chat2U I'm a maths geek, one of my happiest blind dates was with an engineer when he explained the best way to self check a new spreadsheet 🤣
I seem to have built up my tolerance of conversation with practice, yes exhausting, but definitely coping better lately. I don't fluster so much when I lose my thread or can't find a word, because anyone can do it that occasionally, and my close friends will either wait for me or give a gentle prompt, which I am very grateful for l.
Chat2U
One might say it is converse.... Some men are "gold diggers" too. When I say that I'm not working but living on my savings they assume I'm rich. Nope.
Bugger!!!
😅 Relationships aren't about money anyways. Just don't assume it's only women who are "gold diggers".
Everyone is nervous dating, and so it's a fall back to ask automatic questions like "what do you do' it's just a nervous way of trying to find some common ground to talk about. So just chat about your voluntary work and focus on finding out about them. Much more attractive to women than someone droning on about their job and how important they are!
Well your answer to “what do you do?” Would be “ I work at a food bank”
That in its self is interesting, intriguing and will lead to more conversation. As you say, it’s helping needy families. Brilliant, well done.
I’ve been thinking maybe the way ahead for meeting new people for friendship etc.. is joining some groups for hobbies or interests (when it’s safe to do).
Read this Mr Theroux
Struggling with life following brain injury
When is an appointed not an appointment. 
