5 weeks ago my 24 year old daughter suffered a hypoxic brain injury and is in a vegetative state. Although kind in their delivery, the doctors have been quite clear that all of the scans show catastrophic brain damage and that there is no prospect of recovery. Although the logical, rational part of me understands what they are saying, I feel trapped in this desperate need to reach her - we make sure that friends or family visit every day, we read to her - familiar favourites and new books, we play her favourite music and tv programmes and we watch desperately for any sign that the doctors may be wrong - even slightly. As a mother, I can't just passively sit back and do nothing but I worry that the harder we try, the less we are accepting the inevitable outcome and just making things harder for the whole family.
She is out of Intensive care and on a neuro ward waiting for a bed to become available at the specialist neuro rehab centre at Northwick Park but this will be time limited and we get the impression that if, as expected, there is no change then we will be asked to make "best interests" decisions about withdrawing treatment - ie food and water.
This person is not my vibrant, witty, intelligent daughter but she is alive and the more time I spend with her, the less likely it will be that I will ever find the strength to let her go even though she was quite clear before this happened that she would choose to die if this ever happened.
I feel like I'm betraying her if I do nothing but also betraying her if I try to hold on to her. So catch 22. I'm guilty no matter what I do. Does anyone have any advice or thoughts?