Why does only remembering the good times make life so much harder! ? I'm

[melissa85]

Five months ago I acquired a BI and my partner has been by my side through it all every single minute. I felt so blessed until I thought I heard him say to my dad how he doesn't love me but can't just stop caring for me. To which I thought I heard my dad say not now or something along those lines and i always hoped that I had misheard them. Until last night and we talked and apparently he hasn't loved me for a long time before I got I'll. I knew this apparently. All the promises were just ploys. He doesn't want me but he wants to keep looking after me. I love him so much I can't just be his pity project. I can't understand because I don't remember. I'm so lost. I must be I don't talk about things like this I was stronger 😢

[razyheath43]

he should have talked to you first,overhearing things is never good! think about what you want for now if you have other support then tap into that and see if some time apart from youre hubby will help? oh and the headway helpline can put you in touch with local headway support also xxx

[MXman]

Hi Mellissa, As razy has said its not good to over hear things but maybe you were meant to here them. Do whats right for you now and keep doing it, you can get support here and from your local headway centre. N XX

[Steve49]

Hi Melissa.

Yes think about what everyone else has said!!!

At the end of the day it's what's best for you.

You will have enough going on with your B/I.

Do keep us up to speed with things!!!!!!!!!!

Steve.

[cat3]

People fall out of love every day, meaning someone gets hurt, but this just happens to be a really vulnerable time for you, and complicated by the gaps in your memory.

I'm sure you're both hurting in your different ways and the fact that your partner wants to continue caring for you speaks volumes about his depth of feelings for you. But his version of love is clearly not what you want/need.

Maybe you should avoid each other for a while to give you both time to 'lick your wounds' without making hasty decisions or moves which might be later regretted. It's firstly a question of whether you'd be prepared to redefine the relationship, a big challenge for anyone.

I broke off a long term relationship with someone years ago and although I knew we could no longer live together I loved him in my own way and my hear ached for a long time afterwards. So don't underestimate your partner's love, despite it not being as intimate as it once was.

For now, take all the support available from friends/family and try to focus on getting strong, keeping well and taking things one day at a time.

My sincere best wishes Melissa, Love Cat xx

[melissa85]

So I have spent 4 nights alone in our bed just crying can't stop as soon as I am alone. The rest of the day when we are together it almost feels normal. I'm burying my head and he is trying not to upset me. I have gone back to hiding in the gym and I can kinda remember that the gym was my coping mechanism where I could hide and forget. But I know that I can't do anything like what I could and I will burn out. I'm just going to keep hiding from it all right or wrong and talking to you guys I'm not ready to talk to others. Thanks xx

[Johnny-One]

I do not know what to say that can help in your particular situation because each one of us approaches things differently and our circumstances are different. All I know is when I am hurting I am reminded of what a friend once told me, “Maybe this is an opportunity to be freed up for something new; there is a new challenge for you just around the corner.” Whilst at the time I was hurting I thought this advice sucked when looking back it never ceased to amaze me what new opportunities arose out of some of the worst situations I found myself in.

In your situation it may be a strengthening of your relationship or an opportunity for you both to say to one another thank you for the great times we have spent together and that new relationship is just waiting around a corner for you. Like I say I do not know. All I do know is you need lots of help and support right now so surround yourself in people who are able to give you what you need and do not worry about those who cannot: Your Local Headway centre; close family, close friends … you need to be loved and supported.

I know when I got really ill I cocooned myself in just a few close friends. It worked; and I am back in the real world now ready to fight another day. OK slightly scarred by the fight, but hey that’s life.

[melissa85 in reply to Johnny-One]

Thank you for the kind advice. I'm trying so hard to think about what Is the best thing for me but my stupid brain has hindered that planning and decision making skills. Deciding what to have for tea is bloody hard. Back to the brain injury work book for some theory practice lol. As for the real world I'm going back to the gym tomorrow it's all I know to take my mind off things. Oh when did I become such a bloody whining sod !!! Sorry and thanks xxx I