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Struggling

It's 2:00 AM

I'm wide awake and sitting passing time until the rest of the family emerge from their respective cocoons. For the first time that I care to remember, I'm struggling. Last Thursday my father passed away after a year long battle with cancer. I was with him during his last hours and it was a tough day all round. Add to that an imminent house move in three weeks time and it's fair to say I really am struggling at the moment. I can't sleep very well and the old mind is a constant hurricane of crap.

And that's that

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Sorry to hear it Andy, I’m not sleeping well tonight either. But my problem is easier to deal with, I was woken around 1 pm by a not very quiet husband coming to bed and then a son ringing at 2-15 for a lift home!!!!!!

So here I am wide awake, while they now sleep.

Hope you get some rest soon.

Janet x

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Say hi to Vincent from myself wont you please. Not to your son though :)

Oh, hi Janet :D I've given up a sleep tonight to be honest. Wednesday began two hours ago. Funeral directors later, more house move organising, it's just all getting a bit much, nothing more. I'll be fine, in time

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Am so sorry to hear of the loss of your dad after a year of battling cancer. Such a difficult time for you, with a house move also to deal with tangled up at the same time. My thoughts are with you x

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Thanks, very kind. I'll pull through eventually...

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Hi Andy

I’m so sorry - words can’t express.

I can only imagine how you must be feeling with all of this going round in your head. The middle of the night is often the worst time lying awake with no way of getting the thoughts to stop.

For years now I’ve adapted to wakefulness in the night by getting a programme (or ten) saved in BBC iplayer radio. When I wake up in the night - I give myself a try at getting back to sleep, but if the worries start and won’t stop - I put on a preogrammev (with my headphones on) , or sometimes listen to someone’s gentle voice telling me one of their book of the week story choices. I know it’s judt a distraction- but distraction seems to work and it buys another hour or two in bed before I wake up for thevday.

You must be feeling apprehensive about the move on top of making all the funeral arrangements and everything. That’s only natural. Processing your thoughts in the middle of the night is never easy .

I’m so sorry you’re having so much to deal with at once x

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Thanks, I might just try that...

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So sorry Andy, I know your dad was involved with the hospice, it might be worth you going along to see them for a bit of counselling, they might help you get things straight in your head. You certainly need your sleep with a house move coming along. Hope it all goes smoothly for you.

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I really haven't got the time right now... But thank you for your advice!

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Sorry to hear about your dad. It's easy to say it may have come as a relief for him in the end. This is no comfort for you as there is never a good time.

I could also add it gets easier with time.

No it doesn't you just learn to handle it better.

If you need to rant or vent or just chat on here remember we are all here for you.

Good luck with the move its something i never liked pre bi so positively hate it now.

Remember to lean on people and let them help like you do for others.

Pax

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Thanks Pax, believe me, it came as a relief to us all in the end. I was 'pleased' he passed, it was better for my dad and for all of us.

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Being an ex cancer nurse think your father is not in any pain anymore. People may not always experience physical pain which can be dealt with they also experience medical pain coming to terms with the fact they will not be around any more. You are greaving. Can not say how long this will go on for as we are all different I would suggest you thing about the good times you and your father experienced and the fact he is peaceful now. I am sure everyone is saying this to you. Sorry for your loss.

Best wishes

Dianna

Xx

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Thanks Dianna, seriously, all the words are a comfort to us all here. Thank you

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I really do find taking myself away from everything in a darkened room and listening to guided meditations the only way.I go onto YouTube on my tablet and pick from so

many free videos and it guarantees I sleep but on the journey to sleep think of nothing but what I'm listening to which also positively affects anxieties positive thoughts etc. If not easy at first keep trying really do find it's my salvation and positive effects afterwards.Good luck.

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You just described my normal day 😀

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My heart goes out to you. I hope you have good support where you are. Living through grief with an underlying brain injury is truly the pits! Get out in the sunshine for walks and connect with nature. Walking will help settle down the thoughts and find clarity. Try not to feel panic with organising the move, just keep chipping away at it, and if you can find a friend or two to help, all the better. Great suggestions from Elenor re; 'Radio 4 plays' and Kathy on 'Youtube guided meditations' (I do the same). Sending a virtual hug x

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Thanks my dear, much appreciated

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My dear you have just been through an emotional time so is it no wonder you feel like total pants. My mum has dementia and now waiting a diagnosis for cancer of breast and lung. Totally beyond crap! BI and loss of a parent is not good and seemingly beyond a miracle. Me and my mum had our brain crisis at same time in summer of 2016.

Not much comfort but nothing on this planet is designed to last forever, so crap will end eventually. Just rant and share. Best wishes to you.

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I'm going to last forever, I've decided

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So sorry m'love………. E x

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Thanks, E x

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I am awake to. There’s no comparison I thought when I was told the but maybe there is. We have both lost someone we loved. We both have to accept they are not coming back.

Sorry

Dianna

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So sorry about your dad. Hugs. Ax

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Thank you, thank you

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Hi

So sorry to hear about your dad. Even though you know it's best for him that he's no longer suffering, it's still so hard to bear. Thinking of you.

Regarding the move it must be just too much to cope with right now, can you just do a bit at a time starting with the necessities?

Hope it goes well, take care xx

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Thanks Alice.

Small steps right now beginning with painting...

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Hi Andy I am so sorry to hear about your dad. My dad died a lifetime ago when I was 22 but like with you there was a feeling of relief as well as loss. I really struggled with the complex feelings and at the same time I resented other people saying it was a relief. I got quite cross with people and told them that it was no relief for me. I must have been a proper madam. Obviously as I grew up a bit (not too much thankfully!) I saw that they were trying to give me comfort and my dad had many times said that he had had enough. I am not too sure why I am rambling on but hopefully you will find some comfort in it. Not sleeping is the worse thing for me. I could easily cope with it before my SAH but I can't now! I cry and generally behave very badly so my thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care. Love Maureen x

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Thank you Maureen, I appreciate the words and the sentiment. Trust me, I fully realise what a relief it is, he'd given up (understandably) and genuinely didn't want to live like that any more. And the last 48 hours were just dreadful, I felt guilty for wanting him to breathe his last, but it was better all round.

Now, too all about my mum and making sure she's as well as can be...

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Sorry to hear of your loss. I hope you are getting some good food, some better sleep and finding some photos of happier times to start to celebrate his life and gifts in the way he would want to be remembered. Love brings strength to get you through the difficult times. All the Best Mr Baron.

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Thanks, very kind. I'm doing my best, time will heal, as they say...

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