Struggling

[Gym1bunny]

Hello all I haven't posted for a while but today I'm really struggling with my Anxiety it's been 16months since my grade 5 brain anarysum and so much as changed the main issue that's upsetting me is I gave up my job that I had been doing for 18 years I couldn't go back I was a senior working with adults with complex needs it was a very stressful job and after my brain bleed no way could I cope with the job anymore but I feel so lost and lonely even though I've got people around me I'm so scared of the future and don't even know what to do I have issues with my short term memory and balance I feel like I'm in a dream am I being stupid or does anyone else feel like this ?

[Kirk5w7]

I think youll find most of us feel exactly the same. A lot have to give up their work, leaving us feeling a lesser person.

Im 7 years on from Encephalitis and i am now 66, I find day to tasks very demanding and wonder just how i will be as i get older.

I already have a taste of the memory and balance issues, i sure hope they dont get worse

Janet

[Gym1bunny in reply to Kirk5w7]

Thank you for your reply that's exactly how I feel a lesser person and stuck in a bad dream .I hope things get better for you best wishes

[cat3]

Bunny, from previous posts it looks like you're in need of intervention, as soon as possible, to lift your depression. Low mood is commonplace after any brain injury because of the sudden changes in every area of our lives, on top of the life changing health issues and loss of valued lifelong abilities.

Mourning the loss of our once familiar selves is ideally a gradual process of adaptation 'til we reach a plateau, and acceptance of our 'New Selves'. Failure to achieve that can result in resentment, and descent into clinical depression, especially in those of us with a propensity for mental health issues.

You've mentioned hiding away in a darkened room and feeling fearful for the future. That vicious cycle of melancholy and fear needs to be broken, probably through medication, to bring about manageable headspace. Only then can you tackle the challenge of coming to terms with a new way of life.

Please visit to your GP for a reappraisal of your antidepressant ; your present one is obviously ineffective. It's notoriously tricky finding the one which your system assimilates comfortably. I tried many over a period of 11months 'til finding Seroxat which truly gave me back my life after years of deep depression and panic attacks. Some people do strike lucky immediately however, but what suits one person might not work for another.

It can feel impossible (and futile) making that initial effort to make changes when in the throes of depression but, I promise you Bunny, if you're prepared to go for it and persevere, the right antidepressant (for you) can change your life by radically altering your mindset. And perhaps when you're coping better you could try counselling or CBT again. …….or simply find the wherewithal to take back control.

Does this make any sense m'dear ? 🤔

Cat x

[Gym1bunny in reply to cat3]

Thank you for your reply I've just had my antidepressants increased due to going through suicidal thoughts I've tried CBT I've just stopped it it didn't work for me the person I was seeing just read things out of leaflets and had me filling in time sheets for every two hours of my day it made my anxiety twice as bad so my doctor advised me to stop it .I'm waiting to see a phycologist again everything takes so long !All I keep doing is looking at jobs and thinking of my last job I suppose it doesn't help that some of my friends work at my previous job so I've still got a connection to it and it hurts but I can't go back not even to visit it's to painful plus I'm not the same person and the thought of people saying you used to do this or that or be like this I couldn't come with sorry for going on .

[cat3 in reply to Gym1bunny]

You're not 'going on' m'love ; you're telling how it is and trying to find a way through the nightmare. And I get how it feels to be crying out but not heard.

We've all been where you are now since our brain injuries Bunny, and come through in our various ways. But we have a mantra here on Headway...... 'Letting go of the old me'

Adapting to who you are NOW is the only course which can get you to a safe, positive place. It's SO hard letting go of the past, especially when you were once fulfilled and proud of who you were, but tormenting yourself with those losses is what's causing your illness.

I still get angry about disabilities and loss of certain skills, of which I was proud. But the hard, all-consuming grief has gone since I adapted to the 'New me' and I'm left with only occasional irritation and swearwords.

It's a bereavement period Bunny, with all the same stages of grief. But, with help, I hope you'll start to dwell much more on what you can achieve rather than what you can't. And there's strength to be gained from pride in what we DO achieve now , despite the hurdles.

Good luck with the psychologist. I saw one for 12 months some years ago and told him I was only attending to satisfy my GP's referral and there was nothing he could tell me that I didn't already know !

What I didn't know was that, by the end of the course, I'd worked the whole mental mess out myself by joining dots I'd been previously too afraid to acknowledge.

Stay in touch m'dear…… Cat x

[Towards_Healing in reply to cat3]

Gym1bunny, sorry you are going through this, but listen to cat3. You've got some really good advice here. I know that sometimes when we are deep in our issues we do not see the exit door. Try to trust that you will get better (it does get better). One little step at a time. I get you. It is hard, I know as I lost my job and my self through my TBI as well. Good luck to you.

[philbou]

Have you considered private counselling

Find someone your comfortable with

there’s a couple of websites for finding one

It’s not as expensive as you think

Personally I’m in awe of anyone who’s gone through brain trauma

The determination grit sheer willpower etc are like you been fighting for month or years are pent up

Unless you talk to someone about it to

It helps normalise those feelings

Partners aren’t the best listeners

My wife is still there in rehab

And if I had no one to talk too

Neither of us would have made it through

[FridayS]

Hi Gym1bunny. I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles and your dreadful experience of therapy. I too tried and hated CBT but I’ve now found ACT, acceptance and commitment therapy, which I’ve found really helps. It was recommended to me by a neuropsychologist. If you think you might be interested, there are lots of resources online and there is also a book, The Reality Slap, which is a really good start, very easy to read with little exercises to try. Maybe reading that (or online material) could be a gentle approach on your own terms after your bad experience and whilst you wait for your referral?

Your feelings are completely understandable and you are not alone. I have felt what your describing and it can feel very isolating and overwhelming. But there is a way forward in our new reality and you can take gentle steps to get there. And that’s the key, try to be gentle and kind to yourself.

I hope that this helps.

F

[WinB]

Hi Gym1bunny....My Daughter has panic attacks and our neighbour. The neighbour had gone through a heart scare, it happens normally after something traumatic happens to you. I suggested to my Daughter to get round the Docs get heart checked out which she did so she had a medical and the Doc said "We get a lot with panic attacks but trust me your heart is fine" When she gets the fear well up in her she sucks a mint for dry mouth has a bottle of water with her. She can now know it is not going to kill her and it is up to her to cope. When she is like this I just tell her to take water and mint and let her know I am here for her and the more she panics the worse it becomes. She is at the stage where she knows she is fine and they well up the more anxious you get. Hard going I know. So see Doc and have check up and explain to them. Never suffer in silence . My neighbour thought his was another heart scare. I took him in bottle of water and packet of mints for dry mouth. Told him about Daughter, she got hers after getting bullied and spots. She is now in 40 's and she knows it is down to her but when panic gets bad she knows she is okay but since a teenager she suffered but we go out she drives and all is well with the world ..Good luck with them...xx

[Jaec]

Hi, what u r feing is very normal.

After my brain haemorrhages I was told the after effects were short term and I would know what I was deing with after 2 years.

I was only 15 so for the next 2 years I kept hoping I would wake up and my memory and concentration would have returned. I did learn to walk again and my strength sloy returned but 30 years on, I have ways to get round my memory and concentration. I do have to take rests but I have my own business and choose my hours now.

You are probably doing really well but feel you are not because u r comparing yourself to how you used to be. You need to try and treat yourself as you would a friend who had been through something similar.

I found Mindfulness really helped, living in the moment, acceptance, breathing techniques. I dont know where you are but here in Belfast, one of the forward thinking neuro psychologists has put together mindfulness course post brain injury. Somethingime that may really help.

Just try to not get annoyed with yourself, you have been through enough

Jaec

[Interpab]

I had Encephalitis about 15 years ago which left me with various issues including memory recall and noise sensitivity and it’s taken a long time coming to terms with it. My partner died a year and a half ago after having Cancer and i’ve been coping amazingly well until I managed to get a part time job and couldn’t make it past the first three and a half days of training. It was too much for me and has really been a slap in the face reminding me in no uncertain terms that despite coping day to day there’s a limit to what I can process comfortably. My anxiety levels have shot up and i’m left wandering what the future has in store. I too feel lost and lonely and it doesn’t help that no matter how I explain how this injury effects me, friends and family can’t fully understand. Recently stumbling upon this site has helped me to appreciate that there are others going through the same as me.