6 months later.....

So my 6 months recovery after my accident has just passed. Its the only time that everything hit me very emotionally about what could have happened after that accident..... 12th November would have been the last time I saw everyone when I was alive..... I had learned to live with how I was coping in a way, that I have no memory of that accident or anything that happened after it for 3 or 4 weeks, how I have changed from the person I was before and I know I still struggle at times feeling a failure towards my partner and sons, but I still still keep thinking why am i still struggling. I hate it, I am trying my best every day doing things at home, increasing my phased return at work( which by the way has 2 weeks left and then I'm back full time which I can't wait for as I love being back) but I still dislike the person I am today in a way. Is this normal or is it just me? I worry about how I may be to others, and without sounding nasty being told that " you are amazing, a total amazing person, a fighter".... I still feel like a failure in a few ways. Anyway it's just me getting it off my chest where I can say anything I'm worried about without being judged.

[BikerChk]

Hi, it was six years ago this past Monday that I experienced a collison that left me with a brain injury. Hit on my motorcycle and I got to the hospital not breathing with a heart rate of 8 beats/minute. I hate the shell of the person I have become. It took me so long to like the old me, I don't know about the new me. For the most part all my old friends cannot grasp what I have gone through and choose not to stick around. That could also go for my family (although they were never really that good as family members go). I have made some new friends and they seem to think I'm a pretty good person but like you I can't stop feeling like I'm a failure not being the person of old.

[Hidden in reply to BikerChk]

Thank you for that. My work mates are absolutely the best work mates I have ever had and my partner and family are home are always being on my side, well kinda haha but they do accept the person I am just now. My partner sees me as his "little miracle' and its lively but I just can't believe the person I am at times especially the new me. Well done you though for cooing for 6 years, I'm not honestly going to be sure of how I am but I will try my best. I fell down some stairs in a restaurant/bar and have no memory after being at deaths door twice. Skull fractures, 3 brain bleeds and fractured face on one side they saved me quickly from resuscitation to critical care theatre quickly. I can only be the person I try to be every day. Bit thank you so much for reply as knowing I'm not being "odd one out" helps me. 😉 x

[BikerChk in reply to Hidden]

Lol, good for you not remembering you fall. I have a complete memory of the collision, be flying over my bike Fairing and the hood of the truck such that my ring and little finger of my hand got hooked on the antenna (old truck) then landed on the ground breaking my femur. That is where things go dark. My spleen was macerated, sternum crushed with multiple broken ribs. All the blood in my chest, abdomem and fumur allowed me to almost bleed to death without spilling a drop. But the blood in my chest preventing me from breathing. So I imagine when I hit the ground the last of the injuries to my body where done but the brain injury had just begone. I'm glad you don't remember, it's a bit surreal to think it all through but I do a lot even when I'm sleeping which isn't conducive to sleeping very long.

[Hidden in reply to BikerChk]

Thank you and OUCH at your hand being stuck to antenna 🫣. I can never even try and guess what happened that night just know what my friends on the night out saw me like and what happened. All I know is that I had blood all down the back of my head and in my hair as I took a big chunk of skin off back of my head when I smashed that area on the stairs and being unconscious when paramedics got there. I have no clue. Well done you for recovering too, you went through a lot! I just keep thinking an Ouch for your broken femur and your hand, along with everything else of course but we'll done for making a recovery. 🙂

[LostGenius in reply to BikerChk]

Most people are uncomfortable with anything that they themselves could not handle to go through. I learned that ‘friends’ who don’t stick around when you go through the tough things on life really weren’t the people that you should have in your life. I’m glad to hear you’ve made new friends as that is harder & harder to do without some kind of serious life altering injuries as you grow older. We can’t chose our family but we can choose our friends - and those should be the people that make us feel good when we are around them! ♥️

Please don’t be so hard on yourself… I know I am myself and that is the hardest thing to come to terms with not being who we once were. There isn’t a day that goes by that would give anything to be the person I once was… but I keep on going the best I can no matter how hard it seems. I’m also over 6 years now and am hoping one day soon I will be able to say I like who I am now but I’m not quiet there… yet!

[LostGenius]

Sometimes we are our own worst enemy and our harshest critic! Don’t be too hard on yourself as you are doing the best you can at this time. Hopefully with time you’ll see all the progress you’ve made and not judge yourself too harshly in the future.

After an accident like what you’ve been through it is indeed normal to struggle to come to terms with the different version of ourselves that we now see and to treat ourself harshly since we are truly the only one that knows exactly how we used to be… we all heal in our own way (both physically & mentally) and coming to terms with what has happened and resulted in a new version of ourselves is often the most difficult part! That takes a different amount of time for everyone. The mental aspect of any recovery can often be the hardest to deal with. ❤️‍🩹 Especially when other people voice opinions that are contrary to how we are feeling inside. It’s even harder if you were a person with very high standards for yourself to begin with.

Just remember the saying that ‘what other people think of you is none of your business’. 😉 Don’t worry about them… just focus on yourself and your recovery without pushing yourself too hard.

You are managing to get back to work and that in itself is great progress! 👏🏻

I wish you success with your full return to work. We are all here to listen if you need to vent more about how you’re feeling. Best of luck at work!

[Hidden in reply to LostGenius]

Thank you, you're reply has definitely given me a new way to think about everything and how I see myself. It made me smile, thank you. 😊

[Nemo24]

I'm nearly 2 years since a fall at home changed my life. It has been a roller coaster. Had help with occupational health and counselling which made big difference. Helped me to work through who I was, am now and who I want to be for the future. As well as accepting changes brought on by such a small incident. Brain injury is am individual thing and yes it is right that you’re being told you are doing amazing. Accept compliments from people who know you well and smile.

[Hidden in reply to Nemo24]

Thank you, I am trying to accept a lot and mostly I can it's just occasionally I think I'm not amazing. I have been discharged by every dept and appt I had, except for physio who is only helping me get my body back into coping with exercises after being inactive for 5 months, I will get there though! I had seen neurological rehabilitation who was an occupational therapist and I have seen occupational health through work (I work for NHS) So they are keeping an eye on me with how I am dealing with my shifts I have and if I am OK to add more days. Only today left this week and 4 days next week before I have a week's holiday, which was already booked before my accident, then I go back full time. I'm sure it will help me a lot and more than I think thank you though for your reply. 😁

[Hidden]

Thank you so much ! 😄

[Nafnaf87]

Good morning Sshhh

I am right now rebuilding my life I think for the third time, but it might be more, since May 1998.

The biggest problem is not the rebuilding, it's the confidence and trusting yourself to do it. On that score I've learnt not to care too much what other people think BUT I do like to think of and be as helpful as I can to others. I am damn sure my experience can be helpful especially after getting my legs taken from under me by my dear family 4 years ago swiftly followed by our dear government and Covid chopping my stumps off!

So this latest rebuild has been more public, the first 25 years ago with my wife lasted 6 months and to this day I think she decided I didn't love her anymore because I wasn't very interested in sex. Dad took me back at 32 years of age and basically I did as asked at home and work (family business) and did quite well basically running the job. He did what elderly people do about 8 years ago and it took my brother 4 years to get me out of work and home, which destroyed my confidence. God knows what poison he dripped into my mother but he got his hands on the family assets, money, etc. and moved himself, his girlfriend and youngest son into the house I shared with her and Dad.

This time, getting started has been difficult and slow, fear is the worst thing. Nevertheless I have fought hard at our local Brain Injury Service to get help which is beginning to happen, I now have a really good psychologist lady who has got my back and is supporting me elsewhere without me knowing. I have stirred things up at our local Headway group which is beginning to bring actions. This week they asked me to join the committee which I accepted without portfolio - I pointed to the space between my ears explaining there's nothing going on but that I'm delighted to help with whatever they think I can - that caused some mirth 🌞

I still have more to do to ensure our group has all the right contacts and is able to help any future member who, like me, is daft enough to bang their head.

Have I waffled on long enough? Probably.

Bottom line - trust yourself and keep going - you're worth it and others do and will appreciate.

Best wishes

Michael

[cat3]

Six months and you're back at work, with a return to full time in a couple of weeks ........... really ? And you feel a failure .....really ?

I get how compliments feel misplaced when they conflict with our feelings of inadequacy. But in my book 'Amazing' is the perfect description of someone struggling, big-time, after life changing injury yet battling on regardless.

I hope you can sustain your efforts without too many setbacks, then look back in a year or two and appreciate the achievement....

All best wishes for the future m'love. Cat x

[pleyland]

it’s a strange time. It’s a transition not into getting better but accepting your ne world.

I’m 10 years in an still have days where I struggle but I also have days where I say he’ll yeh! I’m still a very capable person!!

I’m not sure if that will ever leave me but I have to remind myself I’m doing okay considering I’ve had a stroke. In fact I’m still competing with those who haven’t.

Give yourself some credit and I’m sure you’re doing better than many people who aren’t having the same struggles.

Because you have something to prove. And I’m sure you’ll prove it.

I’ve got a father of the bride speech next Monday and I’m so aiming on proving it.

[Hidden]

Thank you. It does help more than I thought being on here and saying how I'm feeling and not being the only one who does. Yeah I'm a better person than I was after accident but not as much as the better person as I was before accident. It eats away at me sometimes but I say to myself everyday, you can do this day better it's a going to be a good one. Thank you it does help hearing from other people and I'm sure your father of the bride speech will be amazing ! 😃