Had enough. Help

[Mufc]

Hi

Sorry to moan but I am at the end. My husband of 24 years has left me. I had my tbi 22 years ago he has been my ? Carer all that time. Now my money has gone so has he. I do not know how to get my self out of this anyone got any suggestions??

[Shon48]

I’m so sorry to read this . I hope you have a good friend or family who can support you at this horrible time for you. Big hugs , Shona 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[Mufc in reply to Shon48]

I have a good family who are very supportive. Thankyou for answering😃😃

[Shon48 in reply to Mufc]

I’m glad you have a good , supportive family but I’m sure you must be very hurt 🤗🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[Mufc in reply to Shon48]

Yes I think I must be a very horrible person due to my tbi. So I am going to spend the rest of my life alone. If my husband does not want me how can I attract anybody. I’ve got to go and see a specialist to help with how this making me feel about myself. It’s not as if I can just go to groups to mix as with my tbi I cannot drive. My solicitor is making me pay for him to live in another house. Who knows what he is doing??

[Shon48 in reply to Mufc]

It’s way too soon to be planning your future . Give it much more time ,it’s like a death ,you have to grieve at what is lost . I don’t know you personally but I’m sure you are anything but horrible , it’s a hard thing to deal with but I’m sure you will get yourself together and will find a way to move forward. Shona 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[TaIaV]

This is distressing. I can only imagine how unfair life feels to you right now. I'm so glad that you have supportive loving family. Giving them love and accepting their support will make you feel better, I am sure. As Shona wisely notes, you'll find a way to a brighter future, but that will come after you take care of yourself well in this time of transition.

The other thing I'd focus on is the practical side: Money. I don't know your situation but you mention that your money ran out and then, later, mention that you are having to pay for your husband to live elsewhere. Please get good advice and review to make sure that your available funds are not diverted inappropriately.

You are worthy of love and caring. Make sure that you give that to yourself, too -- without unduly blaming yourself or your husband for what has happened.

Best wishes,

Taia

[Hidden in reply to TaIaV]

Hello, I am sorry this is worsening for you. Great that your family are supportive. focusing on the financial side is really important. it must be hard to do this now with all the wider emotional consequences of him leaving but it is in your best interests and it may help your overall feelings to start making some progress here.

[scrambledbrain]

First things first - ring Headway and explain. Tell them you need help on day to day basis and they can also help arrange finances.

[Chelle3069]

I don't think you are a horrible person. Brain injury just changes us. I truly belief that men are weak, if the shoe was on the other foot would you stick by your man, probably would women tend to cope better then men in changes, well used to until ABI. I'm sure you are not alone in this, my husband walked out on me when I had mine because as he put it he didn't sign up for this and his wife died on the table. Its so weird because most of that time I don't remember and still struggle now, but that has always stick in my head and maybe he was right 'I'm the new me' some days better then others. Its only just recently I've been trying to understand my condition and think it was cause I got refused PIP after being awarded DLA indefinetly until the change over. I have had to find out more about it so maybe have answers. Good luck you'll be ok it takes time but you will get there.

[Mufc]

Thankyou for your comments. I agree men are a lot weaker than us.😀 . I just have to make sure this situation does not put me backwards😊. It will note.

[cat3]

You were considering care from a care home in Matlock when we last talked Diana ; things seem to have gone badly wrong for you. I don't understand why your own solicitor would ask you to set Geoff up with accommodation when he's supposed to be your carer and is divorcing you ; surely your needs are way greater than his. Is your solicitor a joint one, also used by Geoff ? E. x

[Mufc in reply to cat3]

Hi cat

It is completed my solicitor just wanted him out of my home as he was using all my money inappropriately. It will cost me less if he is just not in my home manipulating me. I have found out he used my money to pay off his tarts bills and to pay for her hair to be done. It is the last I find discusting. I’ve slways had to pay for my own hair to be done😀😀. On a more pleasant thought her hair was obviously not as good as mine😉 . He has got a solicitor which he keeps saying is good at difficult situations. I do not know whether to believe him. Unfortunately I have to see loads of Drs again to prove I need as much of my money as possible. He thinks he is entitled to a percentage, which he obviously is but he can work I cannot. I’ll stop moaning as I know I am strong enough to accept this , not pleasent though knowing he only ever loved my money not me. All my family tried to warn me but I was in love and did not want to believe it.

How are you? What have you been up to we have not spoke for ages.

Best wishes

[cat3 in reply to Mufc]

I'm OKish thanks Diana. Been really dizzy again but saw an ENT specialist last week who put me through what he called 'Cooksie-Cawthorne' manoeuvres to show me how it's done so I could continue to practice them at home (stood up & completely lost balance afterwards). I had to sleep upright for 3 days and now not allowed to sleep on my right for2 weeks. 😕 ………...we'll see !

I wouldn't believe a word your ex says ; he's proved to be a devious & untrustworthy person. Just make sure you present your ultimate difficulties to the doctors---as on your worst days. Geoff can support himself, and anyone else he chooses to, whereas you'll need every penny for continuing care costs.

I really hope this'll be resolved before too long m'love so you can finally be free of all the hassle……………...and in your favour obviously. Be kind to yourself. xx

u

[Dennydjhaz]

I’m furious for you, this husband who has left you, is not worthy of your stress. Having a Head Injury is stressful enough without putting you through this. He is not worthy of a you & never ever doubt yourself because of 1 selfish person. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, please don’t doubt your ability to get through this. You’re worth a million times him xx

[sethbovey]

Hi there. I am so sorry to hear of your predicament. I'm lucky to live on my own so didnt have to deal with all that rubbish. Having said that my partner (who lives in another city) came to support me for a few weeks after my operation and he was great. Apologies if I get it wrong, because Ihavent read your situation, but are you able to work at all? I am looking for work and had a job interview this week. It made me feel a lot better about myself. I also met someone recently who is never allowed to drive again but he is working as an Occupational Therapist. So there will be something out there if you are up to it. I am experiencing a number of balance issues right now but grit my teeth and carry on.

All the best. I hope things look up for you very soon.

[Mufc]

no unfortunately with my tbi I cannot work physically or mentally. Hense I got a large settlement for my accident as I was a senior cancer specialist. I cannot drive either.My ex and I have had a good 23 years experiencing a good life. Him more so than me cos he can get places easily. I cannot. Now my money has run out he has gone off with another women. He used my money to pay off her debts so my solicitor is going to have fun. It is costing me a fortune though and I have lost the love of my life.

I’ll stop moaning life goes on we just have to find a way to deal with it🤨

[Hidden]

I wish I could offer more guidance but however you can I would fill your time and take it a day at a time. Focus on now and not so the past and future. Time is the best healer but there are things we can do to help it along. Keep chatting on here if it helps. Thinking of you.

[Jukieh]

It must be terrible for you are you still living on your own its not very nice your husband has left you x

[Mufc in reply to Jukieh]

Hi

Yes I am still living alone. He will not sign the divorce paper until he gets the settlement he wants. I do not understand he divorced me. This is proof it is just the money is is after. Mentally I have to think about his every day dealing with solicitor. He has gone to a new apartment with ?? a new woman. He has no morals.

[Jukieh in reply to Mufc]

That's terrible do you live in England x

[Mufc]

Yes. Derbyshire