Had enough now

I had my aneurysm over 4 years ago now,and i just can't help having suicidal thoughts. At first my family was very understanding and caring the way i was,and over time that all went out the window, whatever i try and do i mess up, i can't concentrate on alot of things, and when i try and talk about thing's i start to stutter and then i get upset. Even my wife hates me, she keeps telling me I'm not right in the head,and a useless piece off s--t. I just had enough now but i haven't got the bottle. I'm sorry for being a sad person i just don't know what to do

25 Replies

  • The gradual wearing off of people's patience & understanding is a common issue after brain injury, and you seem to be having an especially raw deal. You shouldn't be insulted for having health issues which you've no control over, and it seems your wife needs educating in the lasting effects of an anuerism.

    It seems your low mood needs addressing first & foremost in order for you to regain some self confidence. It's hard enough defending ourselves from ignorant remarks 'cause of impaired word recall and slower response, but with added depression it'll feel like a battering.

    Please phone the headway helpline on Monday (office hours - free calls) on 0808 800 2244 for emotional support. If you can get help in regaining some self-worth by seeing that there are people on your side who'll listen and offer support, you'll feel stronger and less isolated.

    Maybe your family need to read up on the lasting, and often devastating, effects of brain injury ; Headway can supply you with all the relevant leaflets explaining the issues in detail.

    And remember that your GP can help with your depression, especially in view of your suicidal thoughts, so don't be embarrassed to confide just how deeply your mood has plummeted.

    Please give the helpline a ring tomorrow Paul ; they've helped so many others like yourself.

    Good luck..............& message me anytime. Cat x

  • I found the Headway line nurse to be looking for an argument/contradicting me!

    I know they do a service. Maybe I got someone on the wrong day.

  • Dear Paulreedman,

    I am very sorry to hear that the situation is so sad and unsupportive for you. Sometimes families go through rough stages -- periods during which different people's needs collide. I am hopeful that this is your situation, and that with some help and effort things can change for all of you.

    Please do seek out the help that Cat suggests. Don't give in to despair. You have health issues, that is all. You are every bit as valuable and important and lovable as anyone else. Others may need to be gently reminded of the extra challenges that you face -- and they do not face -- as your pursue all the same things they do: Expressing yourself, making contributions, connecting emotionally, enjoying some Independence, gaining wisdom and peace. Your wife and others may also need to have their challenges recognized and affirmed.

    How others treat us is not the measure of who we are. Remembering that can get us through some tough times. But it is also not right to let others fall into the habit of being insulting or hurtful toward you; it does not do good things for them or for you. You may be tired of being the one who tries to take the high road by being understanding and taking the blame on yourself. Please start by being compassionate with yourself when you find that you cannot do or express something as well as you would like.

    Get help and support from Headway. Seek out things that are within your control that bring you feelings of joy and peace. Wishing you the very best as a better future emerges.

  • I recommend you buy and read The Secret, composed by Rhonda Byrne. Decide what it is you want and get it. Good luck with the future.

  • Best thing you can do is contact a local BI group headway being main one in uk. Feeling alone is common. I'm sure your wife doesn't hate you it's far more likely she's feeling frustrated at not knowing how to help you. I've recently joined a local BI group called Paul for brain recovery which has been great unfortunally it's only a group in this Paul's home town of hull so most people won't be able to get. Joining a group will get you meeting new people who will understand what you are going through and help you.

  • Hello Paul,

    One thing i've learnt is peoples understanding of what you are experiencing is the issue. I would ask what have your family done to understand what you are going through? Also have you had the support with getting documents from 'Headway or the brain & spinal foundation' which can help with their understanding.

    My friend I have also learnt that sometimes we feel people have lost their patience with us, when really they haven't & we need to be a bit more open with how we are feeling. I have been a man in exhile with my brain injury & it's not a nice place.

    My brother I have learnt that you have to care for & love the situation that you're in. Speak to your 'GP' & local councel welfare groups to see if they can offer you 'Mindfulness' courses.

    This has helped me & is starting to help me with the depression, suicidal thoughts & general low moods.

    Don't get me wrong it's not a cure but it totally changes your mindset.

    I know now my brain injury is with me for life, I have finally accepted it. I fully recognise all the side effects, I try to control them with understanding & compassion. 'Mindfulness' has taught me that by recognising the negative, accepting it & learning to say i'm not going to get 'angry & frustrated' by this. It has allowed me to control my whole mindset with an appretiation for being alive.

    I now notice small things in life we take for granted, birds chirping, food taste, water on your body in the shower, nature & general life around you.

    I have learnt that I needed to accept me!

    If people start losing patience with me etc I can now investigate why do they feel this way? Could I say done anything to help with this? But I understand there is nothing that is perfect in this world & I tend to see that it's other peoples problems & not mine for their lack of acceptance even if it is from my closest loved ones.

    I still have depression & thoughts that life for others would've been better without me & I've wished the brain bleed had just killed me, but I then accept all these feelings & thoughts through meditation.

    They soon drift away the more I practice 'Mindfulness'.

    Paul please speak to 'Headway & the brain & spine foundation' you need support.

    Also remember this 'The light is real, it is the tunnel that is the illusion.

    Big hugs fella. X

  • I am new as a carer to this role ut you sound that you need more professional support. You should not be feeling alone like this. Do you have anyone that you can contact about a follow up after your injury. Speak to Headway and your GP, Huge luck with this.

  • This is a slightly left field suggestion...but have you thought about getting a dog?

    Your challenges aren't going to go away. Your family aren't going to suddenly become more tolerant of your issues. These are just the new facts of life.

    But a dog will love you unconditionally, always be happy to see you, and it's pretty difficult to not smile back when they are so pleased you are there!

    Or better yet, if you have the time to put into settling one in, going for a rescue dog.

    You'll also be automatically practicing some of the key tools for managing depression...

    1) Getting fresh air and exercise, predictable routines - twice daily walks

    2) Building relationships - not just with your dog, but with other dog walkers.

    3) Charity - re homing rescue dog.

    Big decision obviously as your new friend will be your responsibility for years. But one to think about?

    In the meantime, remember two things:

    a) You've survived much worse than this in the last four years, you know you can do this.

    b) Life changed for the worse in an instant, by default it can change for the better when you're least expecting it to.

    Huge hugs.

  • I can heartily endorse the dog option but do please seek professional help.

  • We need Borrow A Mutt ☺

  • It already exists ! "Borrow my doggy.com" ....can sign up to walk or look after a dog locally on a weekly or daily basis .

  • Or walk dogs for others for the cinammon trust too.

  • Hi Paul, just wanted to add my support.

    You've already been given some excellent advice.

    I have my times of feeling worthless because I am no longer able to do all those things I used to do but you know what, I'm a great dishwasher emptier and filler, I can do the clothes washing and ironing, and without me the bed clothes wouldn't get cahanged or the dustbins put out for emptying.

    Not what I hought id end up doing but hey, all important jobs.

    I'm even useless when we do food shopping, it'd take me 2 hours on my own and I'd forget half the things we need, but I go along for company for my husband and I'm given the task of finding half a dozen items, it means I can go shopping on my own with a list, all helps the rehabxxx

    Look for those little positives and build on them.

    Come back whenever you need to and please go see your GP, I was put on antidepressants before I left hospital, they recognized I'd probably need them, I don't need them any more.


    Janet xxxx

  • Morning,

    Apart from the advice already given, it may be worth checking your medications. I know a fair few that suggest suicide ideation as an unwanted side effect (in my case the anti convulsant.'.. but many of the anti depressant ones strangely say this). Yoi may wish to discuss this with yr gp.

    I'd also suggest getting a daily walk ...in the sunshine if it's around. Eat well. Sleep. And see if there is a new group you may like to try out.

    Samaritans are there 24/7 if you need to talk. Don't hesitate to call them.

    Good luck ☺

  • Have you had any counselling about the aneurysm?

    I think some of it is because of the uncertainty. We're not in control any more. The shock and trauma.

    My depression has got worse from my brain injury. So has my emotions. Maybe counselling plus med review.

    All the best.

  • going to be fairly personal now, so after your aneursysm what happened have you had any after care? or have you just got on with it, what every that is?

    either way low mood and depression and partially with suasidal thoughts, really should have help. that is book at appointment with the GP they are normally quick with this sort of stuff.

    in terms of your family relationships can breakdown, and take time to build back up, maybe a councillor at some point?

  • Sorry to here this. Along with the great advice given you need to find something for you to lift you. This may be such a simple thing, nothing to elaborate but that makes you feel better.

    Then concentrate on it. This may seem strange advice but it can save you when you are down.

    Yes it doesn't change how others see you....Nothing really will ....But you need to get yourself in a good place before you can tackle anything elserious.

    Get advice and help where ever you can. The thoughts may never leave you but you can learn to handle them in a positive way.

    I have been in your position. Unfortunately I had the bottle and trust me it is not a good choice to make..

    There is a way forward but please get the proper help.


  • Hi There, Paul,

    Just a note to say that I hope that you have a chance to read everyone's messages above. There are a lot of really great insights -- most importantly, insights based on real experience of injuries and circumstances similar to yours. Everyone's situation is unique but I hope some of the ideas resonated with you. Know that we are thinking of you and please write a note here when you can.

    We all know how hard it is to take new steps when feeling down. Just one or two steps toward getting help or feeling good will make the next one easier.



  • I think I know how you feel. I think I might be feeling it right now. Connecting with others (in real life as well as on the internet) is importnat I think. And finding a fulfilling purporse and learning how to have fun again. I use to laugh a lot, make jokes all the time, would usually have a smile on my face. Now I dont remember when I last laughed.It may have been earlier this year, maybe the end of last year.

    I know others have walked similar difficult paths and eventually found a way out into the light, albeit maybe not as bright as it once was. Wishing you all the best.

  • I am very sorry you're having these thoughts at the moment. I hope you can chat to everyone on here to perhaps find a happier place. It is major life changing circumstances and some days are the pits but hope some of the advice above has made you realise that you're not alone. I can back up the puppy/dog option. He forces me to do walks and makes me laugh. Always pleased to see me. Family get frustrated for you and say things that are insensitive and unkind because they're not coping themselves - don't take that as a reflection on who you are or what you should do with your life but perhaps re-evaluate who you confide in and perhaps look to more understanding avenues. It's not gonna be quick to change but it's do-able and your thoughts of suicide I hope will change for the better.

  • Oh Paul, don't go down that path. Having been there myself in the past, I always think " don't let the b'tards get you down ". As in the song " pick yourself up, dust yourself down, and start all over again," and then those inconsiderate may give you more respect. Good luck mate. Dave

  • Hi Paul.

    You are a good guy. Some people say things to keep you down. Rise above that nonsense. You don't have to put up with it. be strong and believe in yourself. Not because you'll improve, just because you are you. You don't need to improve. You're a god guy.


  • Thanks I'll try and remember that

  • Thanks I'll try and remember that

  • Stay strong man.

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