I’m new here and reaching out to find some people to relate to. I had a brain injury in 2021
I had to re build my self all alone as I didn’t have any proper support and it was exhausting on top of being exhausted from my brain injury.
All my family and friends think I’m fine now as I have made a stable happy life for my self after 3 years of battles. the reality is everyday is still a struggle, I know it it was my fault for not reaching out at the time but it was impossible. know body understood and I was treated like a toddler always being tiptoed around.
I now just need help with the past trama never being addressed and the guilt that comes after
Written by
CaptinMorgans
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Aftercare is the weak link in brain injury care. Many folk receive excellent treatment in the critical weeks/months, only to be discharged into a vacuum where the fatigue and other after-effects can make for anxiety and isolation.
For me it was a relief finding Headway and the countless like-minded members, many of whom I now count as friends. Even with a caring, empathetic family, brain injury creates a separateness to which only a fellow survivor can relate.
From a desire to regain 'normality' we might fake a 'capable' persona, hoping it'll stick. But when it fails it's too late ; family and friends are already convinced that we're 'fine'.
Come back when you're ready and talk some more. And just be who you are now.
Thank you so much for your reply, I haven’t had any one word it that well before and I it’s such a relief!
I feel like I’ve accidentally created this whole new person that is made to just make other people happy and I think it’s now all catching up and I’m not sure who I am
Welcome fellow wobble head warrior ! I also had a tbi in 2021 ( just a very unlucky fall) and amongst other things , was made ro ill health retire , had to give up driving and divorced and moved house . I so identify with the “I don’t know who I am now . I really lost a lot of my identity. I’m still working through that but am finding more Pockets of peace in my life . There is a lot of loss of self . I’d like to think that leaves room to re construct an adapted self (?somewhat reluctantly sometimes tho !
Wishing you strength and peace and again , welcome. 😊😊
The thing with brain injury is it is quite unique to each person, though there are some themes.
Your self assessment may well be accurate - and perhaps calling Headway on the phone and asking if there are specific supports for that may be the answer.
It's also true that with brain injury we are often unaware of things until after healing has happened, so we aren't always the best at guessing in advance at what we need.. sure, sometimes yes... and sometimes we need to try a few things and be curious about what works.
For example, over doing and not resting enough is a common 'gotcha' for a lot of us. And that's a hard one to assess - because everyone feels tired and fatigued sometimes.
For the specifics you have asked about, I would inquire about EMDR, which is a technique that helps process trauma, and it's quite fast really, and doesn't involve having to relive the experience over and over - which some docs say re injures you. Instead, you pick a recurring memory or related image that is unsettling, rather than full on disturbing, and you process that under controlled conditions using a pattern trick that helps your mind reprocess. When I did it I held a little egg in each hand and had headphones on, and there was a beat played to me slightly out of sink, and the eggs buzzed slightly out of synch. There were some simple steps to do. It is quite successful and also doesn't work for everyone. I found it really helpful and worth trying.
My experience would also suggest it will also help with the feelings of guilt. That seems a bit out there, maybe - but I found it works with any recurring feelings that have a strong emotional component that we may be stuck in processing.
I'm glad you found us, and I am glad your healing journey has brought you to a good place.
Keep us posted in how you get on. Or if you just want to talk and have people there for you who get it on a different level than others might.
There is a lot of experience here and people have lots of coping strategies. (Knowing which help you is a matter of trial and error.)
welcome to our world!!! Hope u find support/relief from fellow sufferers, have all been in your cituation. We vent our frustration, back each other up. This site is a life saver on occasion for many of us!!
Welcome and remember it’s never too late nor is it your fault. The main thing is you are here now.
The help you seek is available but finding out what you need is tricky. I would stay open to anything and anyone.
I found a mixture of reading (well audible) psychology face to face and good friends help me.
Specifically the trauma recovery I found Jessamy Hibberd’s book ´ How to overcome trauma and find yourself again ´ was good. Also ‘the reality slap’ by Russ Harris as it was like having a therapist talking to me. Meditation and and an amazing yoga teacher and the realisation that we are just an awareness in the Universe, by practicing mindfulness and reading people like Eckhart Tolle ´the power of now’. I think it helped me to realise that in the grand scheme of things what had happened to me was both important and insignificant at the same time!
But everyone needs to find their own way and has their own struggles. There will not be ´a one size fits all’ approach and you just need to keep reaching out and stay open minded to what may help you . Don’t dismiss things out of hand as you never know where you will find your light.
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