Had enougth

[sabin2015]

Hi 5 years nearly 6 years have passed since my husband fell out of the bedroom window.He has come on really well but his anger towards me is imense .we are waitng on the nurophicatrist to get back in touch with us .He works full time and has other things he does but once he sits down its like he goes into a coma and you cant wake him up .Everything i do and say is wrong and he turns what everi say to him on me .with everyone else he is fine apparently i wind him up so it gives him the reason to verbally abuse me .I am closeto leaving him but feel trapped .he dont like me doing anything the only respite i get is when he is at work or when i go to work at weekends its really starting to effect all of us now and aam lost what to do

[Broken_Doll]

Hi Sabin,

Sorry to hear how difficult things are for you. It definitely sounds like your husband needs Neuropsychology/Neuropsychiatry input from the behaviour he is displaying.

What is he like at work, do you know? I’d be able to control his emotions there?

He sounds like he is pretty burnt out if he falls asleep like that. Maybe his job is a little too much?

I hope you hear from the hospital soon x

[sospan]

It was one of the saddest statistics of a Head Injury that the percentage of relationship breakups after a head injury is really high.

Having suffered a head injury myself, I can say that on time I have been unbearable to live with and said things that I shouldn't have and deeply regret. However, the person that says and does these things isn't the person that once was.

Indeed the different person syndrome is quite common and used to freak my wife. We had been together for 35 years when I had my injury. But the person in the bed next to her was a complete strangers, walked and talked differently and not the person she knew.

The going into a "coma" is quite common. I still suddenly shut down, mainly between 4-6 pm but I do wake up

May I suggest contacting someone (e.g the Headway help desk) and talk things through with them.

[DTBI]

I’m a TBI survivor (6yrs ago), and my aggression came from my own frustration. Accepting I can’t ever be the person I used to be etc. was the key issue. Aside from part time working I now volunteer and I am a Befriend for older people who are suffering. Main benefit for me was to remember there are always millions of people/kids worse off than me in the world. Good luck with it x

[cat3]

Hi Sabin. Your man saves his spite for you simply because he can. But I suspect there's a skewed element of crying out for help, like a child who feels unwell and wants its mother to make everything ok, and lashing out when she can't.

If he's so exhausted after work, it's clear he's seriously exceeding his limitations and his system is desperately trying to compensate by shutting down. And, caught in an ever increasing bind of exhaustion, he's angry and wants you to feel it and somehow make it stop.

However unfair, it IS only you who can make it stop. If you have a relative who'd be happy to provide space for you (not easy with a child I know) to take respite for a while, it might provide much needed distance between you & your husband, allowing you to air your grievances whilst demonstrating your refusal to remain a victim.

Try phoning the neuropsychiatrist's secretary to ask for an urgent appointment owing to the escalating verbal and emotional abuse. Meanwhile, make it clear (quietly & calmly) to your man that unless the abuse stops you'll take action to end the marriage.

It might be a wake up call having his own wellbeing threatened, hopefully leading to a fresh atmosphere benefitting you both. It's mostly about him accepting that he needs help in coping better, and possibly a lifestyle change.

Remember the Headway helpline on 0808 800 2244 Sabin. Cat x

[Richdp]

Hi Sabin,

I suffered my TBI back in 2011, and my wife has just divorced me, after ' having enough'.

It's the most heart-wrenching, lonely place, where I'm at now! She's taken our young children and moved.

I still see the kids, but I do miss her so so much!

So we're just adding to the numbers of divorce rates, post TBI.

The craziest part is, that I couldn't see my behaviour at the time, and over time, it just wore her down!

The word Regret, is a massive understatement!

The saying is 100% true-

'You don't realise what you have, until you've lost it'.

Is there somewhere you can go and get away for a while? Maybe your absence will make your husband realise how much he actually loves and appreciates you.

I'm speaking from experience here, and it's not a nice experience at all!

If you cannot go away shoow your husband this....

Whatever you do, don't push your lady away. I've done it and I miss her like you can't imagine!

She's the best thing I've ever had and the best thing I ever will have.

I've made my bed and I have to lay in it.

Don't do the same my friend!

I really hope you can sort it out and the neuropsychiatrist may be able to help tame the outbursts.

I hope you're not another couple adding to the statistics.

Good luck x

[sabin2015 in reply to Richdp]

Thank you im sorry about you and your wife .The thing is i know it is his head but im living in hell its been 5 years now i have also had other stuff to deal with .i feel traped .i love him but im not in love with him any more nearly everyday i have to bite my tounge whist he is horrible to me when i do even the slightest express that i dont like him talking to me like that or i do bite back it makes him worse

[Purplelover25 in reply to Richdp]

sorry to read this. My partner haf his TBI Feb last year, his anger increased and intensified until he was physically abusive. We have 2 small children so I left and reading your comment here just reminds me how unfair and cruel this life can be at times.

[Richdp in reply to Purplelover25]

I will say it's very important the kids don't grow up in that atmosphere, which I can see now.

Could I change?? I really don't know! I like, no, I'd love to say I could change 100%, but I couldn't in the long run....maybe that's just not meant to be 🥺

[Richdp in reply to Purplelover25]

I've also been taking the drug, Carbamazapine as a mood stabilizer. If you haven't, try and see your Neuropsychiatrist.

I can really see now, how terrible it really is for partners!!

Good luck with everything

[Purplelover25 in reply to Richdp]

He is very much still in thick denial so doubtful he would be willing to take medication. His rehab team including psychologist all aware of everything, medication was discussed but they have chose not tl prescribe it atm.

[Richdp in reply to Purplelover25]

As hard as it might be, try and stay patient and as time progresses, your husband may start to see the wood for the trees and agree to go along the medication route!?!

😇

[Richdp]

Are you doing your own things? Spending time apart is essential I believe. Me and my wife were pretty much 24/7! I think any couple would find that challenging, and throw a brain injury in the mix and things become just too much, for both of you.

If you've fallen out of love with him then that's not your fault. He's not the person you fell in love with. Also, it's not his fault.

It's a sad situation, but it is what it is and you have to work something out for both of you.

Have you got any children?