crossroads

[Justafall]

I had a severe TBI over two years ago following a fall, of which I remember nothing.

This May/June I felt strong enough to tell my husband that I wanted to live by myself.

I had decided this before my accident but then was powerless to do anything.

I know some people will be aghast at my decision but I woke up in hospital a new me, a different me, and I didn’t die. I’ve got an opportunity to start a new chapter in my life.

My husband doesn’t understand why I want to be alone but he’s accepted my decision. You see, I have always been quite sociable, working in Human Resources all my life and getting involved in various things; book club, singing circle, craft groups etc whereas my husband does nothing outside of the house. Since my head injury I’ve discovered art and it has become really important in my life. That and a local facility for people with various mental/emotional difficulties where you can go for coffee and a chat once a week in a quiet environment.

I have been slowly growing into the “new” me.

It hasn’t been easy. I have only recently begun seeing a neuro psychologist as the post for our area has been vacant all this time. It has been a revalation working with her. She’s helped me understand what has happened to my brain and she’s working with me to identify coping strategies to fill in the gaps that exist between old me and new me.

Anyway, what I really wanted to share, as I sit surrounded by boxes, in a partly packed up house, is that removals arrive tomorrow and, all being well, I get the keys to my new home, my new chapter, on Thursday. I know there will be challenges, ups and downs, but there will also be wonderful times and moments of joy. I’ll be able to control the noise levels in my life and how much information I want to take in at a time. I’ll be able to draw whenever I want and walk my two dogs in the rain.

That’s it really.

[ghost_writer]

I am sorry for your TBI. I had a TBI during childhood so I understand that being independent helps in many ways to readjust your life and rebuild it. With others around you to do things and sometimes criticise you, sometimes it can just make things worse. I find that being involved in the arts certainly helps (in my case, I am a writer and I do some creative writing). One thing I would like to suggest if I may is to still maintain contact with your husband and family even if it is just to let them know that you are OK and not to cut yourself off from others as that can not only impact you but also those around you (they might worry about you). Maybe when you are better someday, you might want to return to your husband in a much better form. I hope the next chapter of your life goes well

[James1984 in reply to ghost_writer]

I agree with this.

Perhaps a mutual seperation for a while will give you some perspective rather than just cutting him off completely. There must have been good reasons why you both got together in the first place, so why not find out what stuff in common you can both do and spend time together, and have your other activities for when you need a break from each other. Perhaps your husband needs some encouragement to be more involved as well.

[skydivesurvivor]

good on you!! Took me several years to accept the new me, divorce, death of family who supported me. Now looking to find my new life. No support from social services, no day centre anymore,. Frustrated that my TBI visits me to remind me how hopeless I am?!! Learnt to SMILE to spite it?!! Lifts me a little on this trying journey, good to know I ain’t alone on it!!!

[WonderingWanda]

what a brave step. I wish you all the contentment that you seek and hope the new you is happy.

I think when a life changing experience happens that we should use the opportunity to grow and become our best self with our new insights and wisdom. You are courageous to take this step and I am pleased for you.

[BaronC]

That's genuinely fantastic, very well done. In the midst of a TBI change can be very daunting and to take the leap of faith that you have done is a massive challenge and one that you clearly relish. No bad can come from this.

Good luck in your new chapter and best wishes.

Andy

[Teazymaid]

I have done both but the divorce was many years prior to my TBI .. it was as definitely the right thing to do but we put of children first and this helped us remain friendly which has grown to the point both of us are remarried we have all been on holiday and are planning an holiday next year . After my accident my ex husband would pick me up and take me to their house for the day every week with our granddaughter and the last few weeks I have been doing a pottery course with my ex husband wife .. I am beyond blessed with a very extended family and I wouldn’t change anything .. if you can remain friends with your ex , it is great for both of you and all your family .. enjoy your new beginnings Sue 😊