The esa day looms.

[paxo05]

Well its soon to be my ESA assessment and it looks like I am to attend. Apparently freaking out in strange places is not a barrier to being assessed in a strange unfamiliar place.

I asked if I could just attend a couple of times in advance so as to familiariseyself to the surroundings. To busy I was told. I didn't want to see someone just wanted to access the building. Got a quizzical answer " why ?"

Don't think they get Wat a panic attack is like. Also how useless I will be if I get one.

My wife says it will serve them right if I get one. They will see first hand what I am like.

Must agree it would be good....apart from dealing with the attack and how the aftermath makes me feel.

Well two days and I will know. Hopefully I will let you all know how the experience goes. If I am not back on here by the weekend just give me time to resume my normality.

Oh and just to add to the mix I have just realised I go on holiday in 3 weeks....yep you guessed it I am stressIng about that also.

Hers to Fridays.

Pax

[aqua4]

Good luck paxo.K

[paxo05 in reply to aqua4]

Thank you.

[BaronC]

Good luck!

[paxo05 in reply to BaronC]

Thank you

[cat3]

You're spot on about the ignorance surrounding panic attacks ; maybe the term 'panic' makes it sound like something we can control...…….If only !! 😵 'Terror' attack would be nearer the mark. (I always do dummy runs for stressful situations, but most bureaucrats wouldn't 'get' it).

Thinking of you & sending good luck for the assessment...…….. Cat x

[paxo05 in reply to cat3]

Thanks Cat.

Your right they don't get it. If you keep calm you'll be ok is the usual advice. Oh if it was only so easy. I no I need to keep calm and even then is the after feeling.

I was hoping to avoid more medication only as it spaces me out. It works for airports but then it doesn't matter bout having to answer question's.

I feel I can't win this one. Do I stay unmediated and risk an attack or medicate and sit there out of it. Not very productive either way.

If I am honest it's the after effects I am dreading. I know they will see the real me warts and all either way but I try and keep at my best even if it means covering up what I am really like.

Don't get me wrong this is for my benefit as it helps me function better.

Ah well soon be over and then the fight to retain esa begins.

Thanks again for the support.

Pax

[cat3 in reply to paxo05]

Hopefully you'll go with what feels right on the day, but all I'll say is that an attack, however bad, is short lived compared to however long without your ESA...…

What meds do you have to control it Pax ?

[paxo05 in reply to cat3]

Must agree you are right . I keep telling myself ill be ok by the weekend.

Well the med don't really control it , more a case of zap me out. I take diazepan, can seem like using a sledge hammer to cracking a nut. Usually only take them for coping with airports. Haven't cracked check in yet. It's the noise or more accurately being able to hear all the voices and not being able to filter them out. I end up freaking out and taking most of the holiday recovering so the meds chill me out......Oh boy do they.

Have asked my gp if he can prescribe more foreign hols so as to desensitise myself......yep he thought I was having a laugh as well.

I initially had the mess to control my depression... And they sort of worked. Handle my dips without mess now but still have wobbly moments now and then.

Now you see why I am reluctant about the mess. They stop the panic but I'll end up sat grinning like a Cheshire cat thinking it's all just a laugh ( I sort of get on my family's nerves at the airport laughing at everything).

Will try and let you know how it goes later tomorrow. ...Or as soon as I can

Pax x

[cat3 in reply to paxo05]

Yes, I still use Diazepam but a massively reduced dose. But what's the 'Mess' you talk of Pax ? ………...is it antidepressants ?

[shaunmcg]

Good luck!

[paxo05 in reply to shaunmcg]

Thanks

[CH56Twin]

Hello Pax

Guess the dreaded meeting is done and dusted. How did you get on? Are you ok? Can't always type (words can get mixed up) so didn't respond to your messages. But I was thinking of you. Better day today. Really do hope all is ok. I am just on the start of claiming ESA. So looking forward to it - not! I was thinking of you today. Will understand if you are unable to reply. Take care Clare

[paxo05 in reply to CH56Twin]

Hi CLare

Yes it is over ......For now. Thank you for support and I hope your claim goes well.

Been a rough few days but getting over it. Only had one panic attack so the impact wasn't to great.

Good luck again Pax x

[cat3]

You're too quiet Pax ; hope you're just busy celebrating. Hope all's well ?? Cat x

[paxo05 in reply to cat3]

Thanks for the support Cat.

Not sure if it went well as it didn't start so good. Had to leave as although I arrived early my assessment was late. Ended up outside but they found me.

Still not sure what I said and what they asked. Forgot to ask them to record it but had been told I couldn't beforehand.

Decided on med free which looking back may not have been a great plan. Felt terrible last couple of days but getting back to my Un normal slowly.

Oh the mess in the other post was a typo it's should have been meds ( bloody prodictive txt).

Thanks again Pax x

[cat3 in reply to paxo05]

It must've taken guts to go without meds ; hopefully a wise move though to let them see 'warts & all'.

Really hope it's a good result Pax ………...fingers, toes, eyes crossed. 🤞

Cat x

[HavingAlook1]

Hope it goes well , since My accident 9 years ago I have had three failed back to work times.

The first time on ESA after three assessments I didn’t need to have any more but me like a idiot went back to part time work and come off of ESA.

Then when I had issues and had to come off of work it was a night mare starting a new claim.

Done this three times now !!

Not any more .....

My first yearly assessment is in a couple of weeks and I plan on trying to get placed into the support group.

All the best as it is not easy.

[paxo05 in reply to HavingAlook1]

Feeling better now but like you say the sea process is not easy. Unfortunately I have been unable to work even part time since my bi. I have done voluntary work but this has never lasted long due to being unable to attend regularly.

Good luck with your assessment . Pax