hey,i know how hard it is when the inside of your head kind of takes over you but as they say time is a healer so just hang in their,oh and i would think its best to have a rant on here nrather than at your folks good luck
After brain injury it takes a lot of adjustment and grieving on both sides to come to terms with the new life. I am very sad for how much your life has changed and for how angry you are - but your parents have been through what is probably the worst time of their lives too and have lost the daughter they once knew. Their trauma is no less than yours just for different reasons.
It will take your parents as much time to come to terms with it as it will you. You all need help to adjust. Are you all getting help?
If you are really so very unhappy with your parents and their struggle, rather than take the attitude for them to "get rid" of you why don't you take control and walk away rather than wait to blame them? If you do move away you may begin to appreciate them. The could equally say to you "its your choice, we are who we are, live with it or........." but I guess they are not doing that to you, they are just coping with the additional hurt of your targeted anger.
I do hope that you are all getting some help as a family group and as individuals - that is the only way to come to terms with your new lives - because one thing is for sure, the old life isn't going to come back. but you can begin to adjust to your new lives and to enjoy them again.
I am not sure how long it is since your accident but it takes a long time for everybody to adjust - I am talking years not months. One thing is for sure I bet your parents love you to bits and whatever they are doing they are doing it our of love for you, out of guilt that they couldn't prevent the accident, out of fear for you and for your future, out of frustration at how you are pushing them away through no fault of your own but due to the brain injury - they will not be doing it because they dislike you, because they set out to upset you or because they want rid of you.
Time for you to try to take control of you and your new life and for them theirs.
Try contacting headway directly as it sounds like you really do need help
Have you told your health professionals how you feel?
I think it's a good thing that you are aware that these feelings are caused by your accident, and that you are not being fair to those who love you. The next step is about finding out how to get hold of it and make yourself calmer.
My husband had the injury, not me, he said he was 'filled with rage' for a couple of months, it has mostly worn off now, but it was a slow thing, and he still is quicker to anger.
Time will ease it - and you will need your folks, and somewhere to live! - so try and not damage their feelings more than you can help, get some help with it - and be kind to yourself.
I think I'd be angry too if I was you - but perhaps not with the people who loved me - it's hard isn't it, this life throwing us a curveball thing - it really knocks you for six.
However the old you and new you is still you. You are what you have, and what you will have to live with and grow with. So, get yourself some help, admit how you feel, and see if you can't find ways to move through this.
I think this is exactly where you should be - among people who understand, and can offer hope.
Are you able to still ride your horse? Or spend time with it?
No I can't ride anymore and I don't mean to take it out on my mum, I'm meeting witha lady called Claire and she's gonna find a way to see how I am coping
I hope that Claire is able to help you find other ways to cope. I'm a mum too - and if my girls needed to be angry I'd be right there alongside, but obviously you feel worse about yourself if you are allowing your anger to affect your relationship with someone you obviously love so very much. it's a hard time. And a slow repair - but you will get there. Be gentle to yourself, spend a few minutes at a time doing something you love, and you will find a way through this.
Oh Zoe. As a mum this breaks my heart that you feel so angry. My 20 year old daughter sustained a brain injury just over a year ago and was in a coma for 3 weeks. Although she is doing great now she felt very angry too. I am sure that with the right help from the right people you will battle this and things will improve. Just to give you some hope Victoria (my daughter) went back to college after she left Rehab and qualified with Distinction as a Beauty Therapist and now runs her own business! She still has 'down days' but has learnt to manage her feelings. I hope you find some peace love and that the relationship with your mum begins to build again. This will all take time but i wish all the very best. Jo xxx
I'm already low and I have hit rock bottom, I can't live with my temper anymore, I could have hurt her last night and same with my dad. I don't want to split the family up but I am and my mum and dad won't talk to me anymore incase I go and hit one of them. I want to move out but have nowhere to go
Don't destroy your foundations (home/parents), if you're angry enough to lash out at the people you love and to those who support you, then you're only going to screw yourself over. Find a way to get a handle on it.
My son fell off a moutain not a horse but sounds like the results are the same.
He gets really angry too. Usually he takes it out on himself and not me, but occasionally things get a bit out of sync and we both end up shouting, swearing, laughing, crying.
I,m not sure that this will help but one thing, speaking as a mum, that really makes my blood boil is people giving me advise about how i should treat oliver. (They are trying to help I know but probably best to say nothing unless you know what you're talking about) Maybe your mum and dad get the same? Apparently i should be more strict, why dońt i make him do more to help in the house, do this do that, the list goes on and on.
The one thing that has, over the last four years, become clear to me is that the ´stop´ button has gone. He will do crazy things, some times dangerous, and that ´line not to be crossed´ that was there before his accident, does not exist any more.
Maybe you feel the same?
Life after such an injury is going to hard for you and your familly. You did just the right thing having a good rant on this site. Look at all the kind , caring and possitive replies you have had!
People who know really understand and care, so do you're mum and dad. Try and be patient. Try not to get so angry. It will get better. Possibly not the same but better anyway.
As a mum, just every now and then, it would be so nice if Oliver would say that he was sorry that his life had been turned upside down and he was sorry that mine had been to. In fact yo/he dońt need words. I know and I'm sure your parents do to.
Thanks a lot, but things have taken a turn for the worse. I got into a fight not with parents but I got hit in the head and knees and hips, I picked a fight with someone I shouldn't and I realised quick that I shouldn't fight but it happened, I don't know how it happened, everything went red(if you know what I mean) I clouded and my judgement went wrong. I'm sick and tired of losing it, I am dangerous and I know it, I have no control of myself
No more fighting i hope. Not very lady like and it hurts! From what you said i' m not too sure if you didńt know you were getting yourself in a bad situation or did, but couldńt stop it!
Oliver tells me that he gets ideas in his head and never mind the concequenses cańt stop himself. He got arrested a few weeks ago for breaking into a factory. Not to steal or do damage, just because it was the quickest way home. Like i said the ´stop button isńt working. He knew it was wrong but had to do it anyway. Is it like that for you?
So you cańt ride anymore. I have horses. I dońt ride anymore either. Too busy, too knackeres, cańt be bothered. I do go and sit in the field with them some times. I find it very calming.
Anger is a terrible emotion and its easy to understand why you feel so angry. Dońt let it it eat you up. Get some help and be honest with them and yourself.
Zoe, I also couldn't get along wt my family, and was kicked out. I was sent too two group homes, and ended up, getting kicked out of both homes. I ended up homeless, for a week. I then moved into my own place, at the YMCA, and eventually my own subsidized apartment. Being homeless was very scary, and difficult, but it was a step into independence. Question, are you prescribed medicine for your anger? I'm asking because, I found that a lot of medicines tend to hurt those wt brain injuries rather then help. No one knows exactly what medicine does even in a healthy mind, and in a injured mind, it can cause even more confusion, and brain clouding. This in turn tends to cause more anger. Of course the FDA & physician back medicine. That is their livelihood. Of course seizure medicine might be necessary, but brain injuries do not usually change a persons brain chemistry making them depressed, or anxious, so meds that treat those conditions shouldn't be taken. If you are losing your temper, out of the blue, throughout the day, your impulses maybe hindered. Seizure medicine can help this, but only if your EEG reads potential seizure activity. Otherwise I wouldn't recommend this, because it will also cause brain fogging. Sometimes just taking a low dose of a mild blood pressure medication throughout the day, can help keep you more centered. The good thing about blood pressure medicine, is that although it will keep you calm, it shouldn't fog your thinking. Although living on my own, was the best thing for me, try not to burn bridges wt your family. You never know, when you might need their help in the future.
As the mother of a son with a brain injury-we have experienced the highs and lows and aggression that comes with the injury.We were always told not to take things "personally" which can be very difficult. You are not very far down the road to recovery it takes at least 2 years for the brain to stabilise. I read all I can about brain injury to try to help him-have your parents done the same? It is then easier to understand what you are going through.
You and your parents need help to get through this-even if you do end up leaving home try to keep in touch with them-I know what it is like to worry-you do if you can need to see a neuro-phsycologist /neuro physio and occupational therapist. I know these are all in short supply-depending on where you live.-but ask your GP to sort this for you. Also I have seen a change in my son since he started to take Sertraline-change your medication if it is not helping.
The grog deadens the pain but it tends to have a knock on effect, it makes me more stupid and depressed afterwards. During recovery you remember the bad things, the set backs and not the progress. It will get better.
It's liking falling into a big muddy hole and every time you just manage to climb to the rim and see the daylight you fall back down. Hang on in there, things will eventually get sorted out.
I'm hoping that your mum and dad have done the 'we need help now this is a crisis' to the Doctor etc. as you need it now, in the next few days.
Feel free to vent on this site. We know where you are coming from.
Thanks, I could have hurt both of them instead I ranted and screamed and I couldn't control myself, I do need help and i need it now, but who would I go to and what would I say to the doc for him not to think I'm a head case who needs to be sectioned
Have you talked with your parents about what happened? Brain injury can give you a very short fuse, and life is very frustrating. Your family could speak to the Doctor (GP or neurologist) and ask for some urgent help. Doctors tend to take more notice of family members.
Help could be some respite care which might be one weekend a month or to push for a more urgent rehab where they will teach you some coping strategies. There is a daytime phone number for Headway where you could talk to someone.
Have you heard of the Oliver Zangwill Centre? They managed to help my husband no end with an 18 week intense course of rehab... Strategies, management of feelings... The list is endless. He says it was life changing & he couldn't have moved on without it. Good luck xxx
Yes I feel the same way when I occasionally have wine or beer wt family. Alcohol is a depressant, and your brain does not need to be slowed down anymore, after an injury. If it is safe for you to have caffeine, I recommend drinking coffee or tea, instead of alcohol.
I thought so also about 15 years ago following my TBI, but alcohol and other depressants do not truly make you feel better, in the end. All they do is "temporarily," make you forget your problems. Unfortunately more forgetting, makes problems worse after a TBI. I am not an anti alcohol person, but you have to look at how every drug makes you think, and act, a lot more then how it makes you feel, after a TBI.
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