Well its been a strange day, not the day I thought it was going to be. I warn you now this may be a long post so if you wish to leave now I will understand, if you stay with it...then A big thank you.
I say a strange day because I had planned it to be so different. Infact I needed it to be so different. You see its is exactly 16 years today that I had my accident. About 2:30pm ish. I left work happy and carfree and awoke later a different man.
Each year since recovering I have suffered with depression around this time, sometimes without realising the date.
Well I had had enough of this so had planned to celebrate this day to see if it would stop this happening( long shot but hey). If any of you have read any of my previous post you may have read this.
I had felt strange planning to celebrate my so called rebirth date as it meant that I would also be celebrating the death of theold me. A bit morbid but thats what it felt like.
Well I would like to say that this has worked out fine.......but alas I just could not celebrate this day. I have spent the day trying to read my old diaries and I must say laughing along with them .
It was whilst doing this that I realised I had long accepted that the old me had gone. When this happened I do not know, I think I missed the moment whilst getting on with my life.
That is when it suddenly hit me I wasnt deppressed, a little sad at what had happened but not actually feeling totally at a loss. I then realised that although my accident had had a big impact on my life itdidnt define me.
I know I may still suffer those bouts of depression when I feel total seperate from the world around me. But maybe just maybe this date will not be a trigger.
The real question is when did all this happen? Welk I have no idea but it was about bloody time. Thanks for reading and alk the best.