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Aneursym

My husband suffered a ruptured aneurysm 5 weeks and is doing amazingly well. I am struggling with updates from docs/nurses and have had to go back to work full time as he is self employed and therefore not earning while he is poorly. He is going through a very angry, confused state at the moment and wondered how long this will last for. We are waiting for a bed at a rehabilitation centre as I think this will really help with his frustration. I am really struggling....

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Hi there,

First big hugs! I know how you feel. Dealing with updates from Dr's/Nurses can be hard especially when it feels like they don't talk to you! You need to believe as long as he is progressing then they are doing the right thing for him, it's hard but it is how I deal with the lack of communication I get (once every 4 weeks officially)

Be kind to yourself, balancing a full time job and this will be hard, make sure your employer understands what you are going through and hopefully they can find a way to support you (change of hours or shifts perhaps?)

As for your husbands state, that can be anyone's guess, my bf didn't have an "angry" phase but did get frustrated when he was in pain, luckily he still liked music and had a sense of humour so it involved me playing a lot of different music, running round a hospital room like Patch Adams and generally just being there. Being a constant is something that he will take comfort in.

You are right though the rehab ward will be somewhere that will help him to heal, they do some incredible work and help people to rebuild there independence.

I hope this helps, if not it is the ramblings of someone who knows the feelings that you have. Just remember to be strong for you, because there will feel days you have to hold everyone else up along with your husband and you.

xxx

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Thank you so much for your reply. My work have been amazing but 5 weeks in and I just feel like I need the normality of work (although then find it hard to fit in the hospital and 2 dogs every day!!!). Its all just such a shock and I think I spend so much time running around that I havent properly sat and thought about what has actually happened or even the future and what it might bring.

I do have a number for the ward but I know that they are very busy and I dont like to hound them but I would just like to know what is next and when they expect him to be moved - I was worried yesterday that he was going to try and get out of bed as he is so frustrated just laying there!

Thank you again for your reply - I feel like I am out of my depth here and no-one really understands how I feel xxx

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What type of ward is he on? They might be able to order him a specialist chair that will support him to sit out and they can use a hoist to get him out, that has always helped my bf being able to get out of bed, or if he can't get out of bed can they position his bed to feel more like a chair, again something I have seen do and helped my bf.

I know what you mean about normality, I like being at work so I can be me for 5 minutes. Not sure how I would fit 2 dogs in though so you are definitely doing well!

In regards of feeling out of your depth, your 5 weeks in, it possibly feels like you are simply treading water now, you will have good days and bad days but on here there are people who have watched loved ones go through all this and who have lived through it, there are people who have similar experiences.

All I would say is be prepared for a sort of "grieving process" that was something I went through and I have heard it happening before to others.

xxx

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He is on a specialist neurology ward now. Medically he is doing brilliantly and only has anti-seizure medication (he can eat and drink with help). We did take him out yesterday in a wheelchair (with a lot of effort/support) which i think he really enjoyed (although it was freezing).

I must say that this site is very helpful and good to talk to people who have/going though it.

I hope your BF is doing well - how long ago did he have a similar thing?

xxxxxxx

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That's good he is on a neuro ward then they will be able to get him doing things and start the rehab process, encourage them to get him in to a chair when he can will be good for him, he will be able to see more from there, and it is a simple start. He will enjoy getting out and about, one thing I have noticed across the ward we are on is things like visitors and doing things that are more "day to day" seem to be most appreciated.

Just had a thought but how are his hands? would maybe a simple game like snap or snakes and ladders could be something you could slowly work through, these are things we have done and it has supported my bf greatly I believe. you may have to learn to "throw a game" for confidence but it can be funny once they notice you have done that.

Thank you he is doing really well, we are 3 months in, he suffered a hypoxic brain injury (prolonged period where his brain was not getting enough oxygen) in November 17, slightly different to an aneursym however the rehab process has been similar (learn to eat, wash, dress, walk again) it has been a long road but we have been told by the medical team he is moving quicker than they would usually expect

xxx

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Hey, thats great news on your bf that he is progressing quickly. Its amazing what the brain can do isnt it. Is he at a rehabiliation centre or on a general ward where they do rehabilitation?

He is not strong enough with his hands as yet and still very confused so I dont think he could play a game, although a great idea for further down the line!!

I think he really enjoyed getting out yesterday so will aim to do that regularly. I usually sit and talk to him normally about my day and the news etc (he doesn't seem that interested but I try to keep it consistant).

xxxxxxx

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Hello Treetate & welcome. I was on 'the other side' of this situation 6 years ago but once I was home I pestered my family for every last detail of my first month in hospital as it was (still is) a gaping hole for me.

I suppose it was a kind of de-briefing for us all after a really unexpected & weird episode in our lives. But I soon learned how much more challenging my haemorrhage had been for them, visiting every night after a day's work ; not to mention the shock of the event itself and the anxiety of 'wait & see'.

But it was my behaviour which troubled them the most. My daughter broke down saying 'You talked constant gobbledygook and would be aggressive if challenged, and we feared that this was who you'd become. (I mistook her for a neighbour, thanking her for her kindness in visiting me, which she found distancing and really distressing).

6 months later I was visiting my ex-husband in the same situation at the same hospital, (so son & daughter going through it all over again) and the staff all came to talk to me. I didn't even recognise the nurses sadly, but I apologised for any bad behaviour and gave them a massive box of chocs & 'Thankyou' card.

I then saw for myself some intensive care of brain injury patients, and how good naturedly these wonderful nurses calm and minister to troubled, often angry, patients.

And I really feel for you, knowing how loved ones really do take the brunt of our issues.

I hope a bed will be found for your man soon m'dear.

Love & hugs, Cat x

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Hi Cat,

Thank you so much for your response. It is so good to hear from people who have either seen a loved one go through it or have experienced it themselves.

Can I ask how long it was before you are home. I am so worried that Kev wont remember me or where we live or his family - its like he knows us but doesnt know us at the same time!! He has improved massively in a short space of time and do feel that I am rushing things. The doctors have said they do not think that there is any permament brain damage (other than a small part at the back of his brain that affects balance and coordination).

The nurses are fantastic with him but I did see a nasty side of him yesterday and I do feel it is pure frustration of laying in bed all day so really hope they can move him soon.

Thanks again xx

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Every case is different of course, but (apparently) I 'blossomed' from a confused, angry stranger back to the old me in two months. The doctors told me every day how 'lucky' I'd been. On discharge from hospital I cried all the way home in my son's car, I think for the loss of a place so safe and caring.

Once home I was watched like a hawk by my best pal who moved in (son & daughter have their own families) even to the point of tailing me at a (pathetically) discreet distance when I insisted on going to local shops alone.

We still talk about that period once in a while, and it still amazes all of us how there can be such a turnaround from what was a bleak and scary time. I truly hope this is where you and your man will be one day.

Of course it's rare to survive a brain injury without consequences, which are, amongst others, short term memory, fatigue and emotional issues. It's a slow process Treetate, so spare some effort for your own health and needs whenever possible.

Cat x

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Thats is so reassuring, thank you so much!!! I really dont mind how long he takes as long as I get him back. I am so glad that you have done so well and that you had good people around you to help out. Hopefully I am in the same position and we will get there in the end xxx

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Please keep regular updates coming won't you m'dear........ x

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I will, thank you xxx

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Your story is amazing by the way xx

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Recovery, i've heard can continue for some time so don't expect miracles but if you see some along the way count your blessings.

I wonder if seeing the dogs or pictures of them would help with his memories and mood?

Lean on your friends. .. that's what they're there for :) and as someone else said... be kind to yourself

Xx

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Thank you for your response. I have tried with pictures etc but hes not quite ready as yet and loses interest very quickly. I do keep trying though and he has lots of family and friends to visit which is helping. Yes i am starting to ask for help more as I just cant cope on my own with everything! He is doing fantastically well and I must stop expecting too much too soon xxx

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You know the answers. You just need reassurance you're doing the right things :)

When you ask those around you for support you give them the opportunity to do something which makes them feel good / valued. Its not just all take and no give :)

Lots of warm wishes x

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