I apologise in advance if this sounds like a whinge, I suppose it kind of is. But you are probably the only people who are really going to understand. I live in Australia, so I cannot call headway for help on the phone and we do not have any simliar organisations over here.
My husband had a heart attack a year ago and after 33 minutes without a pulse, suffered a hypoxic brain injury (ABI).
7 weeks in hopsital etc.. months of rehab and a year later he is back at work full time (against advice and not coping with it but will not accept that fact), now has a quick temper, a speech deficite, a bad short term memory, issues with his long term memory, only 80% heart function back, is on 2 lots of antidepressants to deal with his PTSD (from his work before all of this), is on 6 medications for his heart, does not always remember to take his medication and will not let me remind him to, walks out on me a minimum of 2-3 times a week at night because 'I have upset him', is so tired from working that he cannot deal with anything at home or anything vaguely emotional, no longer trusts me financially or any other way, has walked out on my kids (we are a blended family just to make life more difficult...), blames me for everything (and I mean everything) which upsets him or does not go the way he wants it to, and I am in tears typing this as I put my reality into words.
He has just walked out again as I tried to start a conversation regarding the fact that he has still not made apointments to have the medical tests his doctors have been trying to get him to have for the last 2 months. He says he is too busy at work to make time for the phone calls, much less the actual appointments. I have tried putting reminders into his phone and his calendar but he just ignores them. Everyone has pointed out that he spent 6 days in an induced coma and he needs to stay on top of his health to stay out of ICU again, but he is ignoring all of us.
He will be gone for hours when he goes, but if I am not home when he gets home he freaks out and gets so angry with me. The same thing happens if I try to take some time for myself - even just taking the dogs for a quick walk. He is allowed to go out and leave me but I am not allowed out except to go to work ot take the kids to their stuff as he takes it to mean that I am leaving him and will not listen to any reason.
I am living like a tightly wound spring. I watch every word I say for fear that I will upset him and that he will walk out again. But what I know is that he will leave no matter how much I watch myself and no matter how 'good'or careful I think I am being.
I love him but am finally allowing myself to realise that he is not the same person he was before the heart attack, not the same man I married 4 years ago, and never will be again.
I struggle to accept this. I have been told I need to give him 3 years after the ABI for his personality to settle down to what the 'new'person will be.
But I am not sure that I can cope with life like this for the next 2 years. I realise that he must be going through hell too. I know that he is struggling with who he is compared to who he was and that his life is extremely difficult too.
But I cannot cope with continually being put in the position of 'enemy', of watching absolutely everything I say and do, of being blamed for everything, trying to hold down a full time job myself, looking after the 2 kids, one of whom has learning disorders, coping with my mother dying from cancer, my 13 year old dog disintigrating from dementia, running a household, trying to keep our debts to a level that I can pay them myself as my husband will not willing contribute to the household costs now, coping with the despair I feel as I watch him walk out yet again and still trying to put one foot in front of the other.
Yes, I see a counsellor myself but I can only afford to see her once a month.
I am sorry for such a long post and I am open to all and any advice!!!
I hope you are all going much better than I am!