What am I doing wrong?

[19KMcG87]

Rough few days and I feel I’m constantly in the wrong and being told to stop being so negative and down - when I feel all I do is try my best and it’s just being thrown back in my face?! How do I get out of this spiral?! Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Xx

[1949liz]

Bless your heart, people who are going through any form of illness /recovery find it difficult enough coping without being told to buck up. It’s the worst and cruelest thing to be told,how insensitive people are, they have NO idea how you are feeling, as we all go through illness with a different mindset. Maybe you would be better to do without such people until you are strong enough to deal with them, or if your living with them sit them down and tell them bluntly how you are feeling. And explained to them how they are hurting you. I empathise with you as I had a very horrible doctor this week and it has set me back it’s like taking two steps up one step down. But you will improve, slowly, and gently, your body and mind needs time to heal, and you also need the strength and encouragement to carry on. Have you tried to write a daily diary and then once a week look at how far you have come, it did help me also it helped me show my doctor how I was feeling. Maybe you can let people read it especially the people who are hindering and hurting you on your road to recover. With much Love and Prayers Liz x

[sca2013]

You're not doing anything wrong. Others just have no idea what its like to be you and go through what you are going through and dealing with. And they may never actually understand what its like for you. I think these groups give us somewhere where we can express this stuff and be understood. We get it, as we are also going through very similar circumstances. If nothing else use this group as a form of therapy to express yourself and be understood. Wishing you all the best possible for you're life.

[Dadog]

I've heard this so often...and been there myself a few times. I think 1949liz and sca2013 have just about said it all. Don't let these 'buck up others' make life worse for you. You don't even need them to get involved. Just a little understanding is all you need from them; and for them to allow you to work through things your own way. To be kind, I suppose they are trying to help but lose patience when you don't respond in the way they think you ought!

Rise above it if you can. I remember well, two days after I lost my dear wife after 2 years of fighting cancer, one of my friends knocked on the door to see how I was. I guess I didn't look too happy. His leaving comment was "Very sad. Life has to go on though....you just have to get on with things!" I cried and laughed at the same time! Sometimes people can be so .......helpful?! Stick in there. Get help where you can. One day you'll laugh at some of these things!

[cat3]

For many of us, a good analogy would be over-laden donkeys struggling to walk but being told to go faster..........and smile please !

But I have to remind myself of those days when I knew nothing about brain injury and, unless the issues were outwardly obvious, I hadn't a clue ; don't think I even thought about it.

Then my cousin was hit head-on by an oncoming motorist driving on the wrong side of the road. She was in a coma for many months, came home to her husband and daugher, then choked during a seizure when everyone assumed she could cope alone. That's when I grasped the consequences of brain injury.

Then of course I found for myself how challenging the after-effects are. But I've learned a degree of selfishness (hard to achieve for many of us) where I absent myself if feeling overwhelmed and say 'NO' more often to what look like reasonable demands to others but are UNreasonable to me.

You're maybe trying too hard to be other people's version of yourself m'dear ; try putting your foot down and to hell with any remarks about you under performing ! Look after yourself KM.

Love Cat xx

[fredikins]

This sounds most disheartening, is there any way you can avoid them. Your anguish can be felt in your words. Read cat3's analogy and picture it in your mind, its certainly given me a chuckle, which would not have happened if you had not posted, so thank you 19KMcG87 for giving me a much needed lift. These moods generally pass, so hang in there.