Little bit of a disaster...

[B_S_A]

Warning! - dumb girl stuff unrelated to brain injury post.

So me and girlfriend broke up a couple of days ago. We've had a long distance relationship for the past year and a half. I didn't mind it - I loved her and it was worth it. We skyped everyday and I saw her every other weekend.

She told me how much she loved me, and how I make her life so much better. But she's always had some bad anxiety problems, and she suffers a lot when I'm not around. I do buy this explanation, it's consistent with her personality and everything I know about her. When she brought it up before, I would just say "do your think your life would be better or worse without me?". She would always say that she'd hate it if we split up. The conversation even ended with her telling me she loved me.

It's very confusing - on Monday she was in the hospital with me and was very loving and telling me she loved me. We were laughing etc and she stroked my head when it hurt. Then two days later she calls me with this...

I'm obviously very broken up about it as it's happened at a point where all I can do is sit around recovering from my surgery. I can't exercise due to my angiogram wound so I'm going a bit crazy thinking about it.

I don't think its time to go talk to her yet, I'd rather let her give it some thought first (plus I need some time to recuperate from surgery). It was just so unexpected so it's knocked me out! I was half expecting her to give me a call the next day taking it back...

As I can't figure it out myself and I'm a bit of a mess I thought I'd ask - what do you think she's thinking/doing? What do you think I should do now? I'm going to ask her to meet up with me at some point so we can talk it out.

Thanks in advance

[cat3]

No need to apologise for an 'off topic' issue which has the potential for serious emotional disquiet, especially when it coincides with the stress of your GK procedure.

It's guesswork of course as none of us knows what's happening in the head of a complex young woman. But, from what you've described Ben, this is a sudden, inexplicable U turn on your girl's part, so perhaps it's an attempt to convey something she feels too inhinibited to verbalise.

It's possibly a quirky notion that's painfully personal and which will be disclosed only with some patient persuasion from your good self.

Wait 'til the effects of your radiotherapy have settled for a day or two, then make contact and tell her how down you're feeling ; game-playing usually backfires so stick to the truth.

Could it be a test and a plea for some commitment ??

The key question is, of course, did you return the sentiment when she told you she loves you ? xx

[B_S_A in reply to cat3]

Thanks Cat. I thought it might be a test, but she's never really been like that.

When she said she loves me I told her I love her too.

I'm going to give it a few more days I think - I don't want her to think that she can do this and then I'll come running back every time (that doesn't set up a healthy relationship I think). Do you think that's a good idea?

[cat3 in reply to B_S_A]

It's interesting that this comes just after the intimate picture you described of a couple of days earler. If I'm guessing right, she's really struggling with the periods apart and this is her way of letting you know

Sometimes people resort to desperate measures when they want more of something. And though the issue has been discussed and compromise agreed, if it remains unresolved for one party they're going to struggle but feel they can't broach the subject again.

Take your time, but it looks to me like a plea for help rather than rejection. Good luck Ben. I really hope you can work it out between you. Cat x

[RogerCMerriman]

Iike Cat I suspect some underlining feeling that she has been unable/inhibited from expressing?

It sounds like your totally confused by it, so I suspect that talk/meet up in a few days to see what is what?

[B_S_A in reply to RogerCMerriman]

Thanks Roger. Yeah I'm letting her think for the next week that I have off work then I'll get in touch with her after she's had a bit of time. I can't see her just yet due to the risk of seizures from Gamma Knife and I want to be on better form so I don't forget to say anything.

She's about 3 hours on the train away which makes it tough, so I think leaving it for a bit might be a good idea?