How do you feel..

[MaryLou13]

My husband told me last night he wishes he wasn't here any more. Living he means. Not here with me. He tells me he loves me. I did cpr and saved him...I'm glad I did but I think he wishes I hadn't. I wish I knew what to do.... X X x

[Kirk5w7]

Hi MaryLou, you can just continue as normal as possible.

I had/still have occasionally times when I hanker for my old me back again, and had thoughts earlier on of thinking it would have been better if I wasn't there. But, better for who? Me, I suppose, life was so hard trying to be the old me, it really improved when I accepted this was now how it is and I have to make the most of it.

I have to be patient and wait til we can afford to get a decorator in, I used to do all the painting and decorating as well as work, and there's been nothing done for 5+ years now. But, the priority is to support the children standing on their own two feet. It can wait!

It's hard fielding all their angsts, I'm the one they come to for support, and I can't do stress anymore, my brain seems to just give up on functioning in any way.

So I accept that the cleaning or washing may have to wait til ive got enough spoons to do it, and if that's in two days time that's ok, I'm here and we have a pretty good life's. not the one I thought I would have, but then again it happens to many people.

Just be there for him, help him build his/ your new life and don't lose your sense of humour, there's humour in most things, even those days recently when I had a spate of dropping and breaking things😬

Do take care, and get hubby some counselling, he's been through a traumatic time. I needed antidepressants for a while.

Don't forget to be kind to yourself too.

Janet x

[MaryLou13 in reply to Kirk5w7]

Thank you so much for replying!!! Light at the end of the tunnel. I have said that just because life is different it doesnt have to be bad. My husband used to do all our DIY too...we are kind if in a half finished extension building site at the moment. He has just had his final medical to end his employment from his job of 31 years so I think that has hit him hard. Thank you again for replying. take care. maria x

[Wittycjt in reply to MaryLou13]

MaryLou13 There is a dim light right now but as he accepts different avenues of change the light will get brighter and brighter. I had moments like this too but when I realized there are different ways of doing things and accomplished them when I tried, the bulb brightened. It will get better tell him this as I know from experiencing this. He's got to jump in and help him self. Tell him the mind believes whatever you tell it! Tell yourself only good, positive things.: "I am, I can , I did."

Make sure he speaks with a therapist, you may want to go with him. You can both benefit this way and be on the same page with progression and how to help him succeed.

Hugs to you both, please keep us posted with your successes, Cindy in NJ

[sca2013 in reply to MaryLou13]

I too like your husband had to give up my profession of 42 years and also thought plenty of times like he did. Over time, now almost four years, that has really changed for the better for me. Starting to accept these huge changes has helped plenty and has also taken a lot of effort to do so. Do I 100% accept all of this yet, No, but I feel I'm making progress and my life is getting better. I suspect it will for him too. Feel free to have him read this and/or contact me with any questions or concerns, as you may as well. Wishing you two all the best.

[Chris1082 in reply to MaryLou13]

I am so worried about what my man is going to say to me when he realizes what has happened... I know he would hate this and me for doing this to him... Sometimes I think it would have just been better to let him go and I almost feel selfish for wanting to keep him...

[sca2013 in reply to Chris1082]

You have no control over what he will or won't do in this regards, however you do have control over how you can deal with it if your worst fear came true. What I'm going to suggest should help you deal with this much better should it happen. Make it ok in your mind if the worst happens by doing the following: Write out exactly what your most worried about happening, the worst outcome. Next, assuming there are absolutely no limitations as to resources, time or anything else, write out what the perfect solution would be to resolve this problem that you just wrote. Believe it or not the act of simply writing this out will help clear your mind and free up energy to deal with what you have going on right now. Currently you have so much energy going into worry about this that you may feel really trapped, paralyzed, etc as to what to do. Do the above exercise and let me know what happens for you. If you think about it, I'm thinking the reason you did what you did at the time is because you deeply cared for and love your husband and wanted what was best for him and didn't want to lose him. This was your positive intent. It is very difficult to make the kind of decisions you made when the stakes of life or death are so close. Cut yourself some slack. You did the best you could at that exact moment in time. I am very sorry you're having to go through this.

[keeley24]

Best thing to do if possible find a local BI group. Everyone has different recoveries but talking to others who understand what it's like can help. Not saying you won't understand what your husband is going through but like anything you understand more what it's like for you. It is different for carers or people close to someone with BI.