One of my Off Days

[Kirk5w7]

Hi, I've deliberated about writing this but here goes.

What a shxt day, not a good or even marginally bad, it feels shxt.

I'm sorry for sharing but I just have to unburden it, we can only go on for so long can't we?.

I thought I've been doing so well, then it up and smacks you big time, the reminder that my brain no longer functions as it used to, and I feel that makes me a lesser person, that it's all my fault, when of course it isn't.

Trying to help my son with his first major job application, he's just finished uni, after 3 very difficult years he's done it and gained a 2:1 what an achievement because we only just got the diagnosis through in April that he is on the autistic spectrum. He's 21 now and it's been missed all through school it's only uni and the fact that now I've got a brain injury so knew there was something amiss, that we've found out.

So I'm trying to make sense of the Gov.uk website so I can guide him through it, his sister is also trying to help via face time, she's in Germany, and ima bit slow and getting frustrated.

Throw hubby into the mix trying to work from home on a conference call and I'm so stressed by it I burst into tears.

Welcome to brain injury land.

I'd just like to be cut a little slack at times, if the family doesn't remember what I'm dealing with, there's no hope is there?

Aaaarrghhhh.

We will get there once this first job application is done, I'll relax. Course there's no guarantee he'll get it, then we have to cope with the fall out from that!!!

It's never ending is it?

So, sorry all. Got to get back to that application.

Janet x

[StrawberryCream]

Oh Janet I am crying for you because it is all so much more difficult with a brain injury and I know exactly what your saying in your post because I frequently get to that point too. Life sometimes feels too much of a struggle, and those days when it overwhelms, so makes us think about how it was before when we were more able, but then extremely unfairly through no fault of our own got thrown into brain injury land.

Thinking of you lots

Love Caroline xxxxxxx

[Kirk5w7 in reply to StrawberryCream]

Thanks Caroline, I feel so ungrateful when I feel like this because it could have been so much worse and others are dealing with those scenarios too.

Love Janet x

[StrawberryCream in reply to Kirk5w7]

Sometimes I just want to go and live somewhere remote and leave everything and everyone behind and not tell anyone where I am. x

[Kirk5w7 in reply to StrawberryCream]

Snap😉 Perhaps we should all be placed in a commune!

Seriously though my perseverance ( or bloodymindedness) whichever way you want to look at it is paying off, I'm learning to navigate around computer sites again and even using the computer alone again!

The penny drops eventually.x

[StrawberryCream in reply to Kirk5w7]

We have to do things at a pace we can manage don't we but learning and remembering is a battle with a leaking brain sieve!! It's a shame we're all dotted so far away from each other. I do like the idea of a bi commune but oh boy maybe it wouldn't be so idyllic as even in this virtual community the misunderstanding and sparks do fly! A hermit on a desert island might be better! xx

[aqua4]

Hi Janet and Caroline. Can't add anymore. You both say exactly how it is. Let me know when you find that commune or a spare desert island. Il'll be there like a shot! Hugs from me. Kx

[Kirk5w7 in reply to aqua4]

Thanks Aqua, it just gets too much at times all the deception to ourselves as well as others doesn't it?

Love Janet xx

[StrawberryCream in reply to aqua4]

Sure will let you know aqua trouble is the bi gives problems with the finding, planning and organizing so as much as its needed I don't think I'll find it anytime soon!!

[BaronC]

Sorry? What the hell have you got to be sorry for? Stress and brain injury go hand in glove, throw even a tad more stress into the mix and it can quite simply push you over the edge. As I documented on here some months ago, I just got up and walked out of the house, I just couldn't take any more. Well, that happened again last week, I wont go into detail, but I just had to get away. I doubt very much it'll be the last time either.

Sorry? Not a bit of it. You're a fabulous person dealing with things every day that most people can't even comprehend. So apologise again and I'll smack you

[StrawberryCream in reply to BaronC]

Could this have any link to a gorgeous darling child or two?? Happens frequently in this house too to the brink of adoption breakdown because I'm being pushed over the edge and can't cope and don't want too anymore. Its only going to get worse here because got 'puberty' and all its 'issues' to face ahead added to his own brain disabilities. Thinking you have a little gem much the same age as mine so could also be transitioning to Secondary School when they will be pushing us and stressing us even more!!

[Kirk5w7 in reply to StrawberryCream]

Hi Caroline, how perceptive you are, it was really both darlings, the 27 year old in Germany and my youngest who is now 21. So passed all that school stuff. It was my daughter making the throw away comment to me " why didn't you think of that".

It got me thinking why didn't I ? And I knew pre BI I would have, and the rest followed on. It's that job application that's still going on its taken me 3 days to talk him through it and I'm on the brink of saying "we'll get on with it yourself". Only I know he'll get all tied up and then the depression will set it, and the "why can't I be normal".

So, I'll persevere once we've done one the rest will follow.

Don't envy you the puberty!

Jxx

[Kirk5w7]

Thanks Andy, I can't promise not to apologise again but I will try harder to cut myself some slack, after all I tell others to do it don't I? I'll have to start practising what I preach.

Love Janet

[CH56Twin]

Hi Folks - Been there done that = I have just stopped myself from packing a bag - God help me I live with a two year old (real age 65). I am supposed to be the one with memory issues. Since BI no patience - none at all. And do you know something I am not at all sorry. Rant over - thanks for listening. Clare

[Kirk5w7 in reply to CH56Twin]

Glad to share this space with you😄

Janet xxx