How do I help him?: My husband was shot in the head... - Headway


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How do I help him?


My husband was shot in the head on 12/31/16. He's doing okay. He's walking with no assistant and his arm started to move a little. He's very sad and depressed. He is on anti-depression medication. I don't know how to help him. I always tell him give it time it's still to early but he's tried of hearing that. I myself feel like I'm get depressed because he's depressed. He's doesn't have patients. He thinks because his arm started to move it should b fully functional. I'm still trying myself to get though this. It's very hard to know someone and then after a TBI how different they become. I miss the old him so much but I'm trying to move forward and help him. Do it get better? Or is this life now?

10 Replies

Sounds like he may need truma counselling do also give headway a ring try to support him as best you can and look after yourself

Hi Desire and welcome to the forum.

I have a couple of suggestions for you.

First download the leaflets from Headway.

Secondly if I'm right you are in the USA so you might find helpful. Or if you are in Canada

Your husband will probably be experiencing many levels of frustration and so many things that aren't right. My top tip would be to help him to work on one thing at a time.

You are so right it is early days but trust me we don't see it that way. I think that if we were honest all of us have been convinced that we were either recovered or at least managing by the time 7 months had passed.

Record each little achievement your husband makes.

I'm sure there is more but getting tired again.


I would strongly recommend getting in touch with a local head injury group. Headway being main one tho I didn't have much luck with them. Getting out and meeting people who been through same and similar can help a lot. I go to a group in Hull and it's best thing I've done. It's very hard for people to understand what it's like as a career or BI person and the fact every BI is different makes it harder.

I'm so very sorry to hear this. My husband & were together for nearly 3 years after the accident. He had frontal lobe damage & was very different to the man I married.

It's so important you get help & support too. Please look after yourself & I would definitely recommend regular respite.

Has your husband seen a neuropsychologist?

Big hugs xxx

No one told me he has to follow up with one. I really miss my old husband. I don't know how to move forward.

That is the problem I'm afraid, no one gives you any advice or help. It's such a struggle.

Do you have Headway or a similar brain injury charity?

I miss my old husband every single day & it's been about 4 years since I've seen him. Xx


Maybe you and him can read some of the headway booklets and the one on post concussion syndrome and brain injury by Dr Diane

Did you try diet to help him? I don't mean for depression but to heal the brain? You can get a cook book which goes with Dr Diane's advice by Tina M Sullivan, Nourish your Noggin. It might help you a little bit but recovery takes time and each person is different. The recipes are nice and you can even give him dark chocolate in moderation. Avocado and eggs for example are good brain food. Too much sugar is bad. A mediterranean diet is good.

hope he improves soon and remember to take care of yourself too. It's not easy.

j xxx

I am so sorry you're both going through this and for your loss. I know from my own experience it is very tough to create the new life and not the one you thought you signed up for. I miss the old me and so does my wife. One of things that helped me to understand was the concept of grieving the loss of the old me. Similar to grieving the loss of someone who has died, except we are still here, just different than how we were before. Yes, it does get better because you start to figure out ways to deal with it all better and ways to work around challenges that get in the way of what you want normal to be. Once I stopped trying to be the old me things got easier. Still wish I could be the old me, but that just isn't part of this deal. One thing I'm doing now is a 30 day challenge doing activities that get the body creating more dopamine naturally without drugs, which helps me to feel better and have more functionality. If you're interested in this, please let me know. I'm not selling anything. I just didn't want to post it all here as there is quite a bit of information about it, in case you weren't interested.

CH56Twin in reply to sca2013

Hello - you have described my thoughts on brain injury acceptance very much the way I perceive it. The grief concept was very useful to me once I accepted the idea. Could I ask you if you could send me some information regarding the creation of dopamine - I would very much appreciate this

sca2013 in reply to CH56Twin

Yes, I'll send it to you in a private message tomorrow.

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