trying to adjust

[shellsbelle]

so ive been home almost a week and finding it hard to deal with everything my moods are awful im pushing friends away, ive turned physio away twice I know I need to sort myself out i just feel in such a deep depression I ust about coped the 1st time and thought it was a one off but to happen again I must have been awful in my last life

[Hidden]

Hi it seems to be a natural thing to thin that we've done something to deserve all that we've been dealt. I know I've asked that so many times, I understand from the side of a person with a bi, where you don't recognise yourself, your confused and angry wheres the old you, where's your old life. I don't think we'll ever know, but all I can suggest is take it step by step day by day. Try holding on to one good thing that happens in your day. It can be something big like you've had a calm relaxed day, you've managed to go out, had a call and chat with someone, someones helped etc. That's what I do I hold onto the small things, and thats as someone who has a bi but also a partner to someone who has a more severe bi than myself.

I do know you can feel like your drowning and your low, but you've taken a bit step by telling all of us how you feel. That is a bit step and a good one.

Take care

Angie

[Tortie14]

No wisdom just a cyber hug and love. You will get through this same strength inside you found last time. Depression so often goes with stroke. Be gentle and understanding with yourself if you can. The physio will understand if she knows anything about neurology. Your friend I am sure understands how hard this new setback is for you. 💚

[Hidden]

I am sure you weren't awful in your last life. It is so sad that some people sail through life with never a problem and others get dealt them by the bucket load. Is there one particular friend who can sit with you quietly and help you through this? Keep posting on here, we are all here to get you through this.

Sending you lots and lots of love and hugs.

Jan x

[StrawberryCream]

I am so very sorry to hear that you are plunged into the bleakness again Shellsbelle. Especially when a while ago you were so upbeat with getting your business up and running. Like you I have a tendency to always think that I am being 'punished' in someway for being a bad person. Would you consider going to your GP perhaps for some anti depressants to help you through this episode of depression?

[shellsbelle]

id rather not go on anti depressants ive only been home a week so will see how things go I already have enough meds going on lol

[Hidden]

Yes I experienced this! I many in my family abandoned me when my mother died unexpectedly - I really wish that I had gone onto anti-depressants sooner before the damage was done. Don't suffer they are a help but remember that your GP has to start you somewhere and it is then up to you to monitor, consult with your GP and adjust the dose to suit - no-one can predict what will be right at any given time. One of the positives is that when you feel terrible you know that it means to dosage isn't optimum - and it is therefore only temporary!

[cat3]

Do you have someone around Michelle for practical support & to see to the children ?

I'm so sorry you're having to face this over again. It really is a matter of one day at a time, however clichéd that sounds. None of us know what might hit us next ; I just hope you can find the strength to fight back a second time but, you're all too familiar with the process and the need to take all available help.

You've every right to be bitter m'love but we both know that you will eventually fight this again, and most certainly win again.

Thinking of you............... Cat xxx

[steve55]

so shellsbelle has become hell belle.........understandable, but then again it tells me you need a stronger person dealing with you, but also someone who makes you laugh and makes you feel good about yourself, because now your probably feeling like crap.

looking forward to a chat

steve

[barny1]

Better to just give in and let the professionals take over the reigns rather than resist help. Sometimes our emotions really don't have our best interests at heart.

I think it's sad that people feel they know best and go against medical advice especially regarding mental health, there are no blood tests to confirm you may benefit from an antidepressant they can only go off how you present yourself, so invariably many slip through the net. The irony is depression is now diagnosable on brain scans proof that it is physically real.

There is currently a drug trial looking at stroke patients who either take a common antidepressant fluoxetine or placebo for 6 months after stroke to see if there's any difference in recovery. The trial is called 'focus'.

I wish you luck in whatever you decide.

[steve55 in reply to barny1]

barny1 the problem is if and its a big if, youre depressed, finding the right ant depressant and dose that suits you.

my gp wanted to put me on an anti depressant 41/2 years ago because i was noise intollerant and would get aggressive........thats not depression.

[barny1 in reply to steve55]

It can be a problem to find the right antidepressant and dosage, true. I was fortunate that the first antidepressant I was placed onto (sertraline) suited me and I know others haven't tolerated antidepressants. But I think it's better to try something until you find the right one than live with a mood disorder because of your BI. They aren't a miracle cure and they're only one part of treating your BI mood problems, but they definitely help, I've found.

Maybe give it a try? Of course, noise intolerance and aggression can be symptoms of BI not necessarily depression. If you try them for a while and they don't help then you know for sure, but you'll never know if you don't try.

[steve55 in reply to barny1]

barny 1

[steve55 in reply to steve55]

barny 1 prior to my stroke i worked with adults with learning disabilities and part of my task was to administer medication.

i made it my job to know what the medication was i was administering and any possible side effects, thats how i came to my decision on what to take for my aggression......epilim....used for epilepsy was also used to........sorry my bi also efffected my memory but

[angelite]

Hi Michelle, I can certainly empathise with your plight. Different cause but similar issue of disability repetition. I thought my suspected brain infection 4 years ago was a one off too, until I had an MS type relapse 2 1/2 years later, then another a year after that. It is utterly disheartening at first - to have worked so hard the first time round in recovery, thinking it was a one off and grateful that recovery, although partial, had left a reasonable amount of function and may still improve in time, only to have it all happen again - all good work undone and yet more to work on and adapt to !

My mindset has changed, knowing that the next infection/virus could trigger another relapse and more illness leaving issues to work at. I am now grateful for the time between relapses and the opportunity to improve as much as possible before another one possibly hits. I am not yet diagnosed - awaiting further investigation, in the meantime I will do everything I can to keep coming back from these ! The relapses may kick my a$$ but as soon as I'm in recovery I'm gonna kick right back ! I have every confidence in your ability to push through this and take control back. Grab that physio with both hands : )

Sending She - Ra attitude ! Angela x