Hello everyone - Jules here.
Just saying i am up and around if anyone wants a chat, a moan, whatever - would be glad of the company - just pottering around the house like some little old crazy woman as usual.
Thank god we use power stored by solar panels or the elecy bill would be huge.
Kindest
Jules
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Hi Jules, I was awake but not really up as my house is freezing. New boiler being fitted so no heating! A little electric fire is no substitute for radiators in every room. Looked out of the window in the early hours to find that the gas fitter had left all lights on in the garage and not shut the door properly which had blown open. It was blowing a huge gale so I had to go outside to sort it out. Even colder after that!!
Jan
Oh bless you I hope your wrapped up and get sorted out tomorrow
Hello Jan, Jules here.
You poor thing without heating - i hate, HATE being cold ! Even worse having to face the gale (probably in your PJs and slippers !
Crisp bright day here today - hope you get your boiler fixed soon.
Jules
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Went out at pm, the boiler was almost finished. Just got home at 7pm to find that they have an electrical problem so now heating or hot water for another night!
Oh no - can a neighbor help ?
It's OK, I'm coming to stay with you.
and you would be very welcome.
I feel really bad now with the roaring fire on.
Big hugs and a warm jumper being sent your way
Jules
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We do actually have a fire in the lounge - just no other heating. I'll come if you've got something nice for supper......
I have burnt out 3 microwaves, 2 ovens and have had the fire brigade out twice in 3 years.
I am allowed to make baked potatoes in the new microwave and dabble in some supervised shortbread .... but you are welcome !
Keep warm good luck tomorrow
Jules
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Oh dear, perhaps you had better come to supper with me instead.
My husband hasn't done those things, his favourite is to put plastic things in the oven. I can still smell the plastic tray he burnt in there last week.
Sorry, I was sound asleep for a change. Hope you're OK
Andy
Hi there Mr Andy Barron - Jules here.
Aww thanks anyway - i knew you would 'drop in' for a chat if you were awake.
I'm OK. 'Getting there'.
Jules
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I'd have said hello, of course. Probably spouted some nonsense as well 
Hope you're OK
life is all non sense isnt it ... i excell in that field and at that time in the morning have bucket loads of it.
Seriously, thanks mate.
Jules
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Give over, no thanks required, particularly as I was asleep
Morning JULES. Bad night ? Xx
Hi there again Candace, lovely to here from you - hope your life is mellow right now.
Not a 'bad' night, just edgy. Nothing bad actually happened - just you know.
Had a cat nap around 6 and feel ok .
Hoping your day is going well.
Kindest
Jules
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Hi Hun yeah things ok. Took the dog for a walk today and went round twice, first time I ever done that 😁Xx
Yeh, I went out the house today for the first time in ages. Husband and me walked the dalmatin 'Earsdon' up a country route called the Beehive. Muscles in my legs are weak these days and felt quite lot pain in the back on the return to the car. Its my own fault for not exercising regularly.
Jules
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No not your fault. Rest for a while will do them good. They may feel weak at the moment but they will be ok again soon. My legs are good today that's why I could double up on my walking. Give them time and let them rest xx
Hi Jules (one pottering old lady to another) lol sounds like your having as much of an exciting day as me 
I've had the nurse today blood tests etc, shes concerned about my eye and mouth drooping. I can't smile but I'm not letting it get me down. I watched dawn french little big stars last night and I must have looked a plonker trying to laugh how are you today, I'd love to have a natter xx
Good afternoon Angel - Jules here.
It took literally years for me to study my face at all - but my left eyelid droops ... salt in wounds ist it.
I often think aabout that lay who had acid thrown in her face and how she REALLY feels when/if she ever studies her face.I saw a documentary about her and she portrays that she copes well. Poor woman.
Anyway - 'Laughing Like a Plonker' : i think thats brill ! I envisage you with a real belly laugh and hopefully a huge bowl of popcorn.... I do that with Only Fools and Horses.
I know a woman (who looks after abandoned hedgehogs) whos natural expression is with a smile, I know she too will have sad/angry times (its human) but she brightens up everyones mood, just with her face. Thats a great gift isnt it. To spread happiness without effort !
I have just been looking at the video with our own 'Broken Doll' in it at Heaway Bristol - sent by Sospan I think. Its lovely - did you see it ?
There is another about Loreal hair stuff which is still pondering in my brain.
Kind regards
Jules
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Hey Jules
I get what you mean about our faces, I was always referred to as the ray of sunshine at work. They said I brightened the room and made them laugh with my banter (I never took myself seriously) and always said a smile doesn't cost anything. It hurts me though at the moment as I first lost the sparkle in my eyes (and the cheekiness) now more and more paralysis is setting in that I've found i can't smile. But I try so hard to bounce back, I told myself last night I'm laughing inside. I've had so much of me stripped away that I've got to try and create a new version. I am so sorry if I sound like I'm moaning 
I hate to hear myself say these things, my logical side of my brain beats the emotional side up and tells it to get a grip. I have seen the broken doll video and your right it lovely. I too am not quite getting the L'Oréal I just thought its all to do with positive thinking which you don't need face cream for. I also don't like them as I hate companies that test on animals (but I won't get into that). Supervet is on tonight love watching it but always makes me cry (I know soppy devil) lol I have a neighbour 85yrs and she rings me up to remind me its on, bless her. How's your day been, I've waffled enough xx
Hello Angel
Its not a moan - never think that - i joined this forum and its chats like this one with people that will share with me that help me get on with my life - and understand it a bit better.
I too feel the same way. I felt 'someone' had stripped me of just about everything. I then went through a really nasty legal case which felt like it just trod on anything that was left.
This may sound really odd, but i tried something with my eyes a while ago.
I wanted to see right in 'my' eyes but didnt want to look at my face so i took a picture of my face and enlarged it nassiveky on the computer onto my eye.
I started at the picture for a long time - it helped make it 'my' eye a bit more beleiveable (its in front of me on paper, so it must be). But, sad to say - no sparkle. I think that comes from within Angel. I think it comes from Joy in a persons life. I hope one day mine will return - sure it will.
Jules
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It really helps talking to others that feel the same. I told my trauma therapist that I felt as if I had had 25yrs ripped away from me and that I now felt like an old lady. Its hard when one day your active, had a career and a social life and enjoyed fitness. To then have it all taken away. I wanted to ask your opinion on something. I know physically I can't drive, I haven't been told officially I can't drive by a doctor, and I wouldn't be stupid enough to get behind a wheel (although I'd give my right arm to be able to). But I had my notification that my licence needs renewing. I have really wanted to renew it purely for two reasons I went through a lot to pass my test. I slipped a disc 3wks before my test, I had deep heat on me and painkillers, walked fairy steps and was more bothered my examiner would notice. Its probably stupid but if I have my licence then I can hope and wish that one day I can use it. Is this stupid
Hi there
Yep i think it is, sorry.
I was sort of in the same situation as i was still driving as nobody said anything to say i shouldn't and in the beginning i didn't think anything was wrong.
But i got married and had to update details and i had to tell them of my injuries. They withdrew mine based on medical evidence, but i think it was because of the drugs making me drowsy at night (although i wouldn't drive at night).
I am off those drugs now and took a DVLA driving test a few weeks back and the instructor said he agreed i could drive and would tell DVLC that. He said they normally agree with them so i should be able to drive again when they return mine.
I am still waiting for it to be returned from DVLC (its due now). But i really would benefit from going back on thoes tablets(the ones i think were the cause for concern before and the reason mine was taken away).
It passed my mind that i could accept mine back and start the tablets again and simply not drive (just to have it back again). but thinking clearly, its wrong and it would be a temptation to drive which could end horribly for me or maybe someone else.
Please dont do it.
Jules
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Thank you for being honest, I guess its just hard to make that leap of accepting that another thing has been taken away, and my independence has gone for good. I think I actually knew the true answer, I'm dealing with so much grief and lost so much. My health doesn't give me a break either it just keeps throwing more at me. In seven years I have dealt with so many battles not just with my health but other things that have come up. Error's made by inland rev, dwp, phone companies, anti social neighbours, then battles with nhs, ambulance service. I don't know how I've coped with it all and my thrapist says I am incredibly strong. My answer is I would have loved someone to take on these battles but people were spectators. I think the grief and battle fatigue has made me cling to things that I know aren't possible, eg my driving licence.
Thank you I appreciate honest talking xx
Hello Angel and i know you will be asleep - so for tomorrow -
2 things:
Yes, i felt incredibly like that, 'another bit of independence being taken away - made it feel worse because an official body did it for some reason, and yes it felt like a confirmation of permanence.
But, that may not be true and if it is in this case, then try and find independence another way.
the other thing that shouted at me from reading your post was - just about everyone here somewhere at sometime has repeated the same things you are saying. Just like never ending bad luck and things that dont normally happen in a 'normal' life. Life can be really cruel to people when actually its a time they need that streak of good luck and support.
When my partner left me i was alone with my new found head injury. i went off the rails with it. i have the utmost respect for all the women and men on this site who are dealing with it alone or without the support they need.
nite nite
jules
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Hey Jules
I'm a night owl, I don't tend to sleep till late. Thank you for your message it is all true, I think the trauma therapist made sense of some things for me. She said that I've been too busy juggling things and supporting my partner, who also has a brain injury. His bad mood swings have caused damaged to my health (never violent) and to the relationship we had. We are trying to see if we can be friends as we share a home. He is my official carer but I've been more of a carer to him. Its true what they say that you can have someone around you but feel so alone. I never thought I'd say this but before my therapist and this forum. My only people I had to talk to was the samaritans. But through my therapist I am waiting to go to a group that has other disabled people there so I can meet people
I'm so sorry that your partner left you, it shows the measure of a person when something like an injury, long term illness happens a lot run for the hills. Life is a bitch but I always try to think there's two roads we can go down. We can either be a victim and wrap it round us like a blanket. Or we go down the road where we fight, and it makes us wiser and stronger. I learnt that years ago when I had a breakdown. I brought myself out of it, and know the signs now, know when to slam the brakes on. I would never want to go there again. I do feel I've had a lot of crap and I'm overdue some good luck or I'd just love a calm period where my health levelled just for a while. Where I did have dramas and problems exploding around me, I'd love that.
When you were honest with me about my licence I think deep down I did think the same thing. I was holding on to it, and I needed someone who knew how it felt, and gave me an honest answer.
I really appreciate that
If your now asleep, then sleep well your a star thankyou
