talk

[Julesgettingthere]

hello everyone

are any of my friends around for a chat ?

Jules

[Hidden]

Hi Jules, I'm here. You lonely?

[Julesgettingthere in reply to Hidden]

Hi

Never felt as alone.

Looking around my life and there isn't a lot really.

So many things recently reminded me that i am old and the things i used to love to do my husband said 'are behind me now'.

Just feeling sorry for myself, its always people like you i turn to for a chat.

Trying to work again today on finding something I am good at to earn a living again. Odd, the whole world is there and there must be millions of things I might be good at, keep thinking I have found it then it turns out its rubbish.

I will get there and should stop moaning, there are a lot of people being given a much more difficult life than mine.

Hows your life going ? Are you good at anything ?

Jules

[Hidden]

Sorry, suddenly realised time and that I'm tired,I'll check in tomorrow sometime.

[Julesgettingthere in reply to Hidden]

thank you for responding anyway muddled - sometimes just seeing a response from a friend on this site helps a lot

x

[BaronC]

I was asleep, still feel like I am

[angelite]

Good morning,Jules-bit late aren't I ? Had another rough night ? x

[Julesgettingthere]

Hello angelite and Barron

Bit of a rough couple of days - i know you will know what i mean when i say, i seem to be getting there, then everything seems to remind me that things really are not. And there isnt a lot i can do about it.

I have my protective shield on to family and my husband at the moment.

Last night i was so confused in my head i just wanted to smash all the dishes in the kitchen and get on the first flight out of the uk.

I haven't been'angry' like that for a couple of years. I dont show it, i hide the anger, i am just outwardly quiet and say nasty things.

Childish isnt it.

I feel like i am trapped in a small cardboard box. I feel l keep getting told for the first time that i am never going home again. I dont know if you ever feel that emotion. I am home i know, i am married. But i feel homesick for who i was. This is not be.

Sorry

Jules(not getting there) today

x

[angelite in reply to Julesgettingthere]

Hiya Jules,

I know exactly what you mean by homesick for the person you were.I sure could do with a day off from BI-how about you ?

I'm having a rough patch with spasticity at the mo,more pain and reduced function.I suspect it's hormone related as I have done nothing unusual physically to cause it.Making work and life in general more difficult.Guess I will just have to ride it out and hope it improves soon !

Perhaps we should go and find a remote field and have a sweary shout at the sky to vent our spleen : )

Take care, Jules

Angela ( not getting half as far as I would like today ! ) x x

[cat3]

I'm sorry you're feeling so rotten Jules. I think I understand some of what you're suffering.

For me, life's a bit of a pretence because I want to show my family that they can stop worrying about me..........................I'm fine ! So it's self-inflicted really, and on difficult days it's assumed I'm having the same sort of bad day that everyone else has ; so what ?

It can be very isolating and miserable when you're crying out for some real understanding................and a big hug.

I think we all mourn the person we used to be and there's no way back from that, which is overwhelming at times. But seeing how others cope with this same struggle on a daily basis gives me a sort of pride in being part of such a courageous community as ours.

Hope you'll have some better days very soon.

Love & big hugs, Cat xx

[Julesgettingthere in reply to cat3]

thanks cat

i feel the same pride of being accepted as part of this community.

if it weren't for the accident i would never have 'met' you lot

the pretending thing - yes i know what you feel.

its still very difficult for me to read 'there is no going back' from people.

I cant accept thats true i think its too horrible to accept.

Maybe I will just stay in this limbo now.

I am feeling better than i was last night, chatting really helps - thank you.

Have a 'good' day Cat whatever you are doing

Regards

Jules

[razyheath43]

Mourning who you were before b.I I can see is common however you could try celabrating who are all now and the progress you have made there is something special about celebrating seemingly small things like my hubby being able to more congestive reasoning and having a couple more up days.xx

[Julesgettingthere in reply to razyheath43]

Hello Razyheath

I dont celebrate as I dont like who i am now.

But you are right, i should count my blessings.

Regards

Jules