So, where is 'there'???

17 ish weeks into our new lives after my hubby sustained a pretty devastating hypoxic brain injury and whenever anyone...therapists, Dr's or friends ask how he is doing, 'getting there' is my standard reply. Sometime interspersed with 'its a long road......but we will get there'. where is this there I'm hoping we get to? If it's our previous life....well, that's not going to happen. Hubby's neuro consultant wondered if our there was 'back to normal'. I guess it is. But what's normal anyway? My normal will be different to yours. He explained that most people's 'normal ' changes gradually over time. For us lot a BI changes our normal overnight. So, today. 'there' is getting through Christmas. Trying not to grieve for what is lost but be grateful for what we have. And I am. So very grateful. I am. It's just tiring sometimes isn't it? Anyway, wherever your 'there' is...Merry Christmas. all our love. X x x

5 Replies

  • Hi Marylou, a brilliant post . Yes the normal changes over time. I'm almost 5 years post BI and still seeing improvements. This year I have been able to participate more in the pre Xmas preparations.

    I hasten to add that I am now 64 and because of my age it has taken a lot longer for some of the recoveryt to happen, but I will not give in. We laugh at home now because I say I am still on the hill upwards to full mental awareness etc, clawing back what I had, whereas my husband is now on the slippery slope down😀

    It is hard every day is a battle but rewarding when it goes right, and another rest day when it doesn't.

    Enjoy the Xmas holiday time and best wishes for the New Year X

    Janet xx

  • Precisely so, MaryLou13 everyone's 'there' is different. I was going to throw in the old cliche about 'getting there being part of the fun', but some of it's not fun at all. We keep going, though, occasionally resting, reflecting, and re-directing where we need to. It doesn't really matter where 'there' ends up being, a few of us on here have had borderline existential 'Where will I be in 5/10 years time...?' dips.

    I know I'm imposing my personal opinion here, but, after a life-shaking event like a brain injury, I do think that the 'getting' is more important than where 'there' ends up being.

    Love to you and yours, and remember to take care of yourself, as well as your loved ones.

  • Hi,

    One of the things I also found difficult to understand at first was the lack of any firm diagnosis or recovery time. If you break a bone, you see a doctor, get put in cast and after a few weeks you may have aches and pains, perhaps a little physio and you are fine.

    A head injury is so, so much different and depends on type of injury, age and surprisingly how many bumps you have had over the years. The problem as well is that a head injury is like a broken bone where you can't use it for a while - you have to use your head all the time but should be resting it while it recovers.

    I think on there is a checklist where you can measure how your husband rates on different things. It is quite useful to measure progress over the months and to concentrate on certain things like memory.

    All the best on your journey

  • My hubby is 3 & a half years in to his getting there.

    He is still improving, very slowly, very small steps, but at the age of 68 that's as much as we can hope for.

    Christmas is really hard, he can't tolerate too much noise or too many people, so different to our past, house filled, raucous times.

    With 2 young grandchildren, this means I miss out on their faces Christmas Day, but we try & see them for a short time another day.

    Life will never be as it was, but we make the best of each day, glad of the good ones, getting on with the bad ones.

    Hope everyone has the day they wish for & that 2017 will bring improvements to all xx

  • Breathe. Ask him to talk to you. I am a year and a half in after BI and am just getting a handle on the fall out for my family. It is very easy and a survival technique to shut down and shut out family given the noise in one's own head. Conversations are exhausting&confusing from a first person perspective. Again Breathe. Sit with him and read. Or crossword puzzles. It really does take time. Hang in there.🎄🎅

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