Absolute realisation!

I think that title is going to be a bit of a misnomer. I still don't think I have absolutely realised the extent of my limitations.

I scoot along day to day doing a bit here and a bit there. Take the painkillers to help me function. Sit and watch TV a lot. Spend so much time on my own it's driving me mad. I like my own company but this is getting ridiculous.

So, I've had a busy month, pushed myself a lot more than normal then WHAM it hit me like a sledgehammer yesterday. Had to retire to bed mid afternoon, couldn't hold my head up, felt dreadful. An hour lying down after a drink and extra painkillers and I was able to negotiate the evening, then blissful sleep.

It's made me realise that this really is for life, I know I've said I accept it but we don't really mean it do we? And I probably still don't accept it. I'll carry on pushing myself till I crash and burn, pick myself up and do it all over again.

4 years and I've still not learnt.

By the way the acupuncture has been helping, some of those niggly sensations I was having have all but gone, my energy levels are so much higher, that's why I crashed and burnt so spectacularly yesterday. And that awful feeling I had of constantly wearing a hood so my vision was limited and head felt so pressured has gone. I'm going to start Tai Chi next week, I am assured it will help my balance, watch this space!

Well, the day is calling, will have a bath, I need one daily to warm me and give me a kick start.

Will come back again soon.

Janet x

9 Replies

  • Hi Janet,

    Realisation is not such a bad thing, but as I've said many times, acceptance is the true key. Realisation is all well and good but actually accepting that there is nothing you can do to alter the situation so you may as well have a damned good crack at getting on with it, hopefully with a smile on your face is so much harder to achieve.

    It's not easy, far from it, but you can get there if you really want to. I'll be thinking of you while you strive to get there.

    Andy x

  • Hi Andy, thanks for the reply. I've come so far since those early days and you've been there every step of the way. Thank you so much.

    And when I think back to the days in hospital when I was first coming out of the coma, it's like a bad dream, but I'm strangely grateful for having endured this!

    Yes, I get frustrated, and yes I wish I was the old me but it's hard to put into words. My life is different, so, so different, but it's a journey to look forward to also.

    I'm sure you know what I mean, we can get exasperated with ourselves but we are lucky too. We've had a second chance, a lot of people don't get that, so it's up to us to make the most of it.

    Much love, take care Janetxxx

  • Have  a good day - be kind to yourself .

    I've had a busy and emotionally stressfful time recently so have often had a nap after lunch and been to bed nice and early :-) 

    Tai Chi sounds good - hope you enjoy it . I wouldn't have coped so well without my yoga . 

    K x

  • Thanks Moo,

    The bath is run I will immerse myself for a while then I'll tackle the day.

    Love Janet x

  • Hi Janet,

    Realisation is very useful, I am only recently realising, ho,ho, what I don't know. I am able to predict what will lead to tiredness, but that doesn't stop me! You can learn what will lead to tiredness; you really must make sure you have a chance to recover.  

    I do that rather than not allow myself to do what I want to do.  

    Really grateful to know others understand how life has become, thank you! 

  • Hi Janet

    I know exactly what you mean.  It is for life in my case too.

    I do everything in my power to manage and I'm doing that so well my PIP has been reduced but awarded for a lot longer.

    Like Pax and yourself I go along managing for quite a while and then I decide to do something extra. Boy do we pay the price for that. 

    We are human and although we accept limitations it does not stop us pushing at the boundaries. It could even be said that that is part of what makes us human.

    Rest up recover and enjoy the journey called life.

    Love n hugs


  • Thanks Pax, good to know we're all coping and moving on.

    Love Janet xxx

  • That sounds very familiar :) I get so cross with myself for not knowing when to stop. Sounds like you're doing all the right things with acupuncture and tai chi though. :) 

  • Thanks Elenor, good to hear rom you, I'm quite excited at the thought of the tai chi, doesn't take much to thrill me does it, and now the school holidays are over and the weathers looking better I'll resume the swimming.

    Need to build up my stamina again now though.

    Janet x

You may also like...