Efforts don't seem to be equaling results

[sca2013]

A bit frustrated and feeling somewhat defeated. Put in plenty of effort but question sometimes, like today, if it is really worth it. Do I feel lucky to have survived? Hell no, in fact today I'm feeling really angry that I'm having to live like this. I realize at this point I am alive so its really not a choice of being dead or alive, its about how I am choosing to experience my life. I feel sorry for those around me who have to deal with me. Just needed to vent. Hope everyone else's day is going well though.

[randomphantoms]

Hi Sca

Vent away. There are many times when it can feel like just getting through the day is like wading through chest high mud.

It could well be that you are at that point when you sstop noticing real progress every week or month. There is still progress to be made.

Working out what you can do that gives you a sense of achievement can help to reduce the frustrations.

I hope you can get over this low soon.

Lots of lovenhugs

Xoxoxo

[paxo05]

Hi Sca

We all get bad days ( weeks) so have a good vent.

If it wasnt for the bad days the good days wouldnt feel so great.

I do know how you feel about feeling sorry for those around you. I wonder how they put up with me. I tell them its because they love me( I will not print their replies)

Pax

[Nutkin33]

Mmmmm!

Every day I force myself to do Brain Games, and the exercises my NeuroPhysio has given me

The progress is SOOOO slow, I sometimes feel like giving up. Then I achieve a better score, with my brain game, and I realize that I AM getting somewhere! My Physio lady also keeps track of my progress physically, and unbeknown to me, I AM improving.

It is very frustrating, and I guess I'm fortunate to be living by myself, so no one has to bear my BAD days!

Keep working at your progress. You'll get better!

Lotsa luv and best wishes.

Debs

😊😉

[MaxineHa]

Sorry you're having a bad day.

I read something last week from a book called Rethinking Depression by Eric Maisel which helped me. The idea is rather than think how do I feel at this moment, and realise you feel awful, ask yourself, What can I do to make myself proud. I started writing down in a journal the things I did during the day that made me feel proud, and realised that even if I only wrote down one or two things, I had achieved something good. They don't have to be huge things, for me, just filling the dishwasher, taking the dog for a walk, having a shower..each small thing is a baby step in the right direction. Hope you're feeling better today.

Maxine

[SteveHartnett]

Hi.

"Keep Venting" That's what we are all here for !!!!!!

We have all been there & that is why we are all here for. Yes life is hard but we can't let it beat us!!!

By keeping "Positive & Upbeat " we can move mountains !!!!!!!!!

Believe me it's not easy by any means but you don't half feel much better!!!! Please contact me

ifI can help you further !!!!

Steve.

[malalatete]

This may help, it may not - I have ME and FND as my primary diagnoses currently (and a potential future BI depending on whether that annie behaves itself and how things pan out during my procedures over the next couple of weeks...)

One thing I intermittently but regualrly have as a symptom is a problem walking. It was explained to me by a neuro consultant that my brain has forgotten the semi-automatic process we learn as toddlers, and is now having to think about how to walk, whichmakes each step very clumsy and tiring.

What chimed with me in your post was your statement about making so much effort and feeling like there are no results, and getting really angry about life now having to be that way.

Something I worked out a while ba k about my walking is that if I have to get from A to B, especially if it is right now, or I have to do so whilst lots of people are watching (a classic moment is the walk across the doctor's waiting room) then I become acutely aware of the wonky walk, and it feels suddenly very, very hard. I try as best I can to walk as 'normally' as I can, and it rarely seems to have the desired effect. In fact it feels like I go slower and slower, and my legs get heavier and heavier with each step. If made to continue I will end up shuffking, barely placing one foot in front of the other...

The same thing can happen to me without the pressure fro others if I decide to take a long walk. I just start to run out of steam after a while, and then get slower and slower, more and more effortful, less and less productive.

Something I have found which helps when I reach these (literal) stumbling blocks is to stop, think myself into a 'reset', and then as I start to walk again to either focus on my breathing, or, depending where I am and whether or not it is likely to get me carted off by men in white coats, to sing.

Now I am not entirely sure whether this in fact improves my walking one jot. I strongly suspect not, or at least if it does, not for very long. But it does improve my perception of it. I continue on my way feeling a lot less rattled, and fearful.

There are two things possibly at work here. One is good old distraction freeing up the mind from the invasive negative thoughts which hinder forward progress. The other is more akin to mindfulness - being aware of something else which is happening in the moment which frees up the brain to rely on its 'automatic - ish' response, or at least what is left of it.

So, for you....do you have anything in these moments of frustration and anger which you can turn to which is an easy win for you, which you can achieve without making an effort, which will distract and relax you, and which will draw your focus away from your difficulty? If it is something you can do in parallel (I realise that yoga breathing and singing your head off are not everyone's cup of tea) you may find it helps to get you through.

Oh and last thought - when I clodhop my way to the consulting room, then clodhop my way out again, I try to remember as I sink into the passenger seat for my husband to drive me home again that it could be worse...my brain could have forgotten how to walk at all. It doesn't make the walking any better or improve anything physically, but thankfulness is a great way of lifting the spirits.

Hoping you feel bett soon.

[sca2013 in reply to malalatete]

Thank you for your caring. There wasn't something else I was going to say here but I couldn't get bring it up out of my brain. Yes, when I think of it I do a meditation breathing that really helps. It's being aware enough to remember to do it. I wish all the best in your journey too.