I just don't want to be here

[shellsbelle]

So I'm back and I am so depressed, it all kicked off in February where I took a cocktail of alcohol and diazepam. While most of you will see that as the worst thing I am feeling so alone I have been abandoned by all my friends I am deep in debt I don't feel happy with my partner. Just everything is on top of me I have been to the docs but I've just been thrown anti depressants I just don't know what to do I feel so numb and I am crying all the time. The only thing keeping me going is my kids but when they are not here my thoughts turn bad again.

[sporan]

Hi Shellsbelle,

After the alcohol and diazapam mix didn't you get offered anything other than more antidepresents?

About 2 years ago now I took overdose and was voluntarily put into secure psychiactric hospital for couple of weeks then after relapse went back in again for another week.

I was then given proper psychiatric care with talking therapy plus I had a care co-ordinator and support worker come to see me once a week.

You don't say why you're unhappy with your partner but I became paranoid about my wife, beleiving that she was cheating on me and began to check everything she was doing and wearing. It was a horrible, horrible time both for me and especially my wife.

After proper psychiactric care I was put on mood stabilisers along with the antidepressants with proper talking therapies which helped me to put things back into some sort of perspective.

People who haven't been there tend not to understand the total despair you feel.

I am much better now and am lucky that my wife stuck it out with me.

I now do a couple of hours voluntary visiting of patients in the local hospital (mostly elderly or with some form of dementia) and then added in a couple of hours with a disabled artists group where I am learning to paint. Both of these activities have helped immensly with my self worth and also gives my wife a bit of a break from me.

I can't remember what your head injury was but apparently it is quiet common any head injury to be resposible for low mood anyway as well as for extreme tiredness.

I was lucky that my care support worker had been a senior nurse at a head injury ward and had a full understanding of the issues.

I too was in debt but after the psyc help I was able to go to the local citizens advice (with my wife for support) and get the help and advice I needed plus the care co-ordinator helped with benefit applications.

This obviously isn't offering you a solution to your own circumstance but maybe just knowing you are not alone with these feelings may help in some way.

Hoping these words may give some hope that there can be light at the end of the tunnel, please feel free to message me for any info I can maybe give.

Kindest thoughts with you

Sporan

[cat3]

It's pretty spooky seeing you here Michelle ; only yesterday I wondered whether to message you and see if you picked it up ! I'm late for meeting my sister in law right now but I'll message you later if that's ok m'love..........

See you this evening I hope. Cat xx

[Alibongo60]

Hi Shellsbelle, I got myself into a financial mess a couple of years ago, and thought there was no way out. I contacted Stepchange, they were very good, non judgemental, and went through the best options for me, no one needs to feel suicidal over finances, I was put on a payment plan I could afford, then after my brain haemorrhage was able to pay off early. Please contact one of the debt agencies they are really helpful, wishing you lots of luck love Alice xx

[shellsbelle]

The debts are the least of my worries I don't feel suicidal because of that

[steve55]

ever thought about a part time job around the childrens school hours.

if your unhappy with your partner, dont whinge about it, kick him / her out.

consolidate your debts and offer to pay x amout a week or month.

go and and see your doc and if possible, try and wean yourself with help off your anti depressants.

remember, your kids love you and im sure would help you in any way they can, no matter how young they are, because youre their mum and they love you.

[moo196]

Hang on in there.

Only a short reply for now but the thing that kept me safe was the saying, "suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem" it made sense to me. Hold that thought perhaps whilst you explore other solutions.

Samaritans are also available day or night.

Take care

[BaronC]

I'll message you later sweetheart...